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at my wits end

angrymom's picture

Submitted by angrymom on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 9:45pm

I find myself drawn to this site, because there are others out there with problems similar to mine. I have a 14 y/o ss who my husband and I gained full physical custody of since his troubled mother moved away 2 years ago. He has Asperbergs and is emotionless, self serving, showing no gratitude or passion for anything. We have been to therapists and counselors who have said we need to change ourselves/expectations in order to find some kind of peace. We have, and my husband who is fairly unskilled in these kinds of behavioral issues has Sad tried his best to take on the responsibility with his son. I love him for this. But I still find myself terribly resentful, angry and avoidant of this kid. I can totally relate to these moms who sequester themselves to their bedroom for relief/space. I have my own teenage daughters that I am trying to raise and now have little patience for this ss who gives nothing back in return. He is like a parasite who lives only to take from us. I have worked in the Psychiatric field for 24 years and am now retired. I feel terribly guilty for having such negative feelings towards my ss since I love my husband so much and he has done so much for my daughters. I appreciate advice and insights.

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sun, 04/14/2013 - 10:35pm

Honestly, my son has Asperger's...me too actually...What you say here does not sound to me like Asperger's except possibly him being "emotionless" because yes, when we are thinking, some think we are emotionless because we really have to focus when people talk and process things. But my son and I both, have many times that we are happy, my son constantly shows gratitude, etc...So, honestly, it sounds to me like he is just a pain in the ass that daddy or bm has no learned to parent.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Mon, 04/15/2013 - 11:54am

Your SS reminds me of my SS. And although I've questioned whether he may have Asbergers, SO will not get him evaluated by anyone. But Asbergers or not, I think he just has a lot of BM's DNA in him. SS is beyond awkward. And never thanks anyone for anything. He gets pissy and entitled when he's asked to stop playing Xbox. He never leaves the house, has no friends. He's usually just not very personable. But I have also seen him get very talkative and sociable at my parents house. So he is okay when he's talking with adults, not so much when talking with his peers.

On the other hand, I know a friend's son who has Asbergers. His father has really worked hard with him and never lowered his expectations of his son's performance in school and behavior. This kid is annoying, and has some teenage rebellion, but overall is a good kid. Works very hard at school, makes straight A's and also works hard in athletics. He is certainly not emotionless or self serving. He just doesn't understand social queues.

But I understand Asbergers is different in each kid.

Regardless this all must be so draining on you and I totally relate to hiding in the bedroom. I do that a lot.