Ugh:
SD14 stayed five days with her mother. After one overnight visit and previously no visitation for three years. No Christmas not even a card. Random "hi" texts. As expected, I was trashed all weekend. BM husband says she is borderline personality and didn't take meds right and he puts up with her. His words. So of course after the first visit sd14 got the idea to live there. (I wish) she told me after coming home there is no way she would move in there or run away there. I said if you did you wouldn't be coming back here but im glad you didn't. (Kinda not glad)..

Progress?:
Therapist told me to read "Boy raised as a dog". I said I got Walking on Eggshells. Therapist thinks SD14 is not borderline personality (at least not yet) and is actually Reactive Attachment Disorder Indiscriminate type (RAD). I thought that a couple years ago but no feedback from drs of therapist. SD14 matches borderline as if it were not a diagnosis but just a description of HER! We never saw any indication of abuse the rare times she visited BM either and with false BS against me...I wonder. So.. atleast Iim getting something from this new therapist where old one hugged and pitted Sd.

So I will read the RAD book and try to research it. She still on mood stabilizer and antidepressants and sleeping pills. She still lies, manipulates, sneaks, steals, and is miserable person in general. ...but I am trying. I am trying to love the girl. It's hard to hug someone that lies about you even if just exaggerated and hugs you then sends out mass texts that you mistreated them. But, i am trying.

*****I can't scroll down to edit but in OT I am referring to current pregnancy with lost twin and baby has spina bifida. Not my toddler. *****

OT:
Perfect baby boy age 15 months and great dh. I lost the twin at eight weeks pregnant. I moved on and was so happy after the MaternT21 test said 1:10,000 risk of the big birth defects. Ends up was only three it tested. My baby has severe spina bifida L3 through entire lower back to end of sacrum. Found out at 18 weeks. Misery a few weeks then tried to be positive.

I joined spina bifida board online, but I have to be positive all the time. No where for me to say how yes I love this baby and yes I want him...yes I got crib and have days even days in a row where I feel normal... other days I see all the surgery and Chiari malformations and shunt fails and medical problems and bowels and bladder incontinence and special needs. ....and some days like RIGHT NOW I cry and I think I love him but would have been better if I never got pregnant. I don't want family to compare him to cousin s pregnancy and how healthy her boy is going to be. I don't want looks of pity. I go from wanting a shower and celebrate to not wanting any shower and to hide and just cry. And I have Sd14 bawling to anyone who will listen how I dont love her and am mean blah blah blah. I think ..what about my baby boy who doesn't have problems; grandmother said he'd be forgotten between messed up SD14 and messed up new baby.

I feel ok when baby moves and I feel him and I think I can take anything but when he hasn't moved a while or I see stuff on message boards that are scary..I can't say how scary it is! Because they have kids with SB and are happy. .

Can't do therapy all money goes to SD14. It will pass soon and I will be excited and happy acting again.I want so much to enjoy ppregnancy this time as SD14 really ruined my first pregnancy by being a psychopath. Again. All about SD14 this time too! Crazy how she act up when found out...

If she run away or act crazy or bring razor in my house again , god help dh cause it will be her or me and both babies.

OT:
I have the most beautiful perfect baby boy age 15 months and great dh. I am 26 weeks pregnant. I lost the twin at eight weeks. I recovered from it and was so happy

OT:
I am 26 weeks pregnant. I have a wonderful 15 months old baby boy. I love my husband. - my unborn was diagnosed with spina bifida L3 all the way through to S5 end of spine.