What ISN'T Covered Under CS?
Another post got me thinking.
Believe me, the words "THAT is what child support is for" have come out of my mouth many times. And our BM gets a lot of CS and lives nicely, always has nice clothes for herself, gym membership, good car, etc... No one is rolling in dough and I get tired of the complaints that his almost 2K per month isn't enough when she doesn't see that she keeps getting fired from jobs because of HER and that SHE needs to really focus on a career too. The kids are older and she can take jobs that are not necessarily 8-5. She doesn't NEED to be home after school. And when she is, she doesn't check their grades, make them do homework etc...
BUT, I do feel that with certain things, he absolutely should pay half outside of CS.
- School supplies (strangely she doesn't ask). But it DOES cost a ton for backpacks, lunch bags, and all that for 3 minor children, especially teens.
- Camp- He pays for half. That is an expense above traditional living expenses. But it makes me mad she doesn't consult him. Just says "XYZ kid is going to camp, you owe me half"
- Special events like prom-- he absolutely should help his daughter get a nice dress etc..
But my primary thought is that people really don't have COs that spell this stuff out clearly enough. If I knew what I do now and had a minor child and got divorced, every single detail of what is and isn't covered would be spelled out in that agreement.
What do you think? What should be paid outside of CS, especially if the CO doesn't stipulate it?
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In our case, medical is
In our case, medical is spelled out nicely. He pays for premiums and 70% of out of pocket. But BM doesn't ever give him receipts but then took him to court (and lost) to get repaid. But he pays for vision care and monthly contacts for the one SD plus lots of co-pays and prescriptions for everyone. So he likely does pay his required amount. There is just no accounting. I guess that's why her motion was denied.
sports and such... often an
sports and such... often an afterthought - should be in the CO because depending on the sport it can be a fortune.
That is a good one. Our kids
That is a good one. Our kids sit on their asses all day so the thought didn't cross my mind.
My understanding for where we
My understanding for where we are is that CS covers one sport. Beyond that both parents have to agree on and split the cost. If the other parent does not agree then it is up to parent who wants the child in the sport to pay for it.
What do you think about car
What do you think about car insurance when they start to drive? I am nervous with all these teens as it is SO expensive to insure a new driver but I think it probably should be 50/50 split. You take one kid, I take the next sort of thing.
BM is so poor we will
BM is so poor we will probably pay. Honestly. & provide the car.
If the kid is driving why
If the kid is driving why aren't they paying for their own?
For some reason, the gym
For some reason, the gym membership has always pissed me off. When I was a single mom, I didn't have funds for that. So I didn't have one. And when I started making more money, I got one. How hard is that?
In your case, I think she
In your case, I think she should pay for everything. It really is situational.
In my case, BM was a SAHM.
In my case, BM was a SAHM. And he was making a lot more money when she decided to divorce him. So she thought it would be easy street. Meanwhile, the economy tanked and he is still recovering. And she DOES work but always losing her jobs , never her fault, etc... And she simply does not understand that the money she makes working isn't just for her. They both NOW have a responsibility to support those kids.
Also, I think people don't consider how much more expensive it is to have two households. FDH can't support the kids the way she would like, alone, AND maintain a nice house for the kids to live in when they are here. If we hadn't moved in together, he was on his way to living in a one bedroom apartment which is harldy enough space for 4 kids to visit. And she would've bitched about that.
She finally sold her house recently and moved in with her BF after he took her to court to get SS18(then) off CS. And she was really mad about it and thought he should continue to pay her b/c she still had the big house. Seriously. Did she really think he would pay for all 4 kids until the youngest was 18 meanwhile she can't hold a job.
we pay for clothes for our
we pay for clothes for our house, and anything SD needs (& some wants. She has a room here, bedding, toys, etc). We pay for her to live here 35-40% of the year, including all summer. If her BM can't afford to buy tissues, hand sanitizer, markers, crayons and pencils idk what she's done with the child support she has gotten the last 3 months when we have had SD. We provide her bookbag & several outfits to go to BMs. We also provide insurance & 1/2 of all medical bills (not routine check ups but crazy misahps like broken arms, emergency room visits, etc).
I think things like braces, extracurriculars, and unexpected expenses aren't covered by CS. however, we pay full price for extracurriculars & summer camps all summer so it's hard for me to say it's 'fair' we cover half when SD is with BM when she doesn't have to pay for child care ever (she only has SD when she's in school basically, so she doesn't have to pay the 150 a week for summer camps like we do - which she doesn't contribute towards).
It's a fishy situation when child is with NCP more than just a few days at a time, ya know? If extracurriculars aren't covered by CS & we put her in one does BM pay some? No. But when she puts her in one we are expected to pay? BM is required to buy SDs glasses but she doesn't a lot of the time, had her with superglued glasses which fell apart, & I bought the new ones.
When it all boils down to it whatever SD needs she is getting whether BM steps up and does her part or not.
Honestly I think cs covers
Honestly I think cs covers pretty much everything-with the exception of perhaps medical which is also usually spelled out in the court order.
We've been on both the receiving and giving end of cs. We've never asked bm for a penny over cs. When she had ss-she asked yearly for help at back to school time-I don't think there was a year we didn't contribute something-anything from a full wardrobe one year to just a backpack another year. Just depending on what our finances looked like (a tight month in our household as well with 3 other kids). There was maybe one other time she asked for additional money-she wanted to sign him up for all star baseball and she wanted us to pay the cost of the uniforms. Well, I am sure that our 240 a month probably covered most of ss's regular ordinary expenses, but since she was not chipping in the amount she was supposed to pay for ss as well that's why she'd come up short for things like extras.
I don't believe things like sports or extracurriculars should be written into the court order because can you imagine the weaponry that would give a custodial parent. They could go sign up the kid for every expensive activity under the sun. To me extracurriculars are just that, extra. They are not a god given right for every child. At younger ages, many extracurriculars are fairly cheap if you play in your community leagues-30.00 to play soccer here. School teams typically bear no cost. Now, if you want expensive travel, all star leagues, I believe that the parent who wants to put the kid in those activities should bear the cost of the activity. That may even mean that parent has to sacrifice some for that kid to have the privilege to do that-that's ok. They should not expect the other parent to provide for that if they are already paying cs and they are not even on board with signing them up.
Just like camp, I think
Just like camp, I think extra-curriculars should be agreed upon by both parties before signing up. If they were married, as a couple they would decide what they could afford. So in my CO fantasy world, the CO would state that clearly.
I was just thinking that if
I was just thinking that if we had that in the CO, our BM would say stuff to the kids like "I was totally willing to allow you to do XYZ sport but your dad won't pay his share" if she said he couldn't afford it.
I think it depends on how
I think it depends on how much CS is paid.
Today someone posted that she receives $80 a month for two kids. If someone is paying a low amount in CS, the CP asking for help with extras shouldn't be blasted.
It would be great if DH paid
It would be great if DH paid for half of the extra stuff.
He pays for it all or his kid goes without.
Uberskank doesn't work and has two other kids (not DH's, each has their own dad).
Anything that DH's kid has needed or wanted is paid for by DH.
Exceptions....nose piercing, eyebrow waxing. For that Uberskank has money.
In my situation dh pays cs
In my situation dh pays cs and bm refuses to work so dh is supporting the skids and her. So dh refuses to give bm anything above cs.
That doesn't mean we don't buy for skids b/c we do. However we don't buy school clothes or supplies or anything like that. If we buy anything it is b/c we want to and it goes to the kid and money ever goes to bm.
Dh pays half of co pays and such.
I'm sorry but here is the thing anything above cs according to the law is a gift and no credit would be given to the dad. I know in my situation bm would never tell the skids that we paid for anything as she already is telling them that dh doesn't pay cs.
THis whole thing of cs is ridiculous in my opinion we need a way better system b/c this is just not working for anyone. THe kids suffer and the dad normally suffers and the bms rack it all in! :sick: