You seem to be carrying her pitchfork for her, Anon. It won't help her at all if you confirm that sending kids to Dad means "forfeiting her time" with them. Good grief! The best part of divorce are the kid-free weekends and holidays! Go celebrate with her and paint the town red! Tell her to start taking zumba classes and let her hair down. This may be the best thing that ever happened to her.

In the meantime she needs therapy. Tons of therapy.

The advise my sister gave me which was harsh at the time but in hind sight was true...I didn't want to lose 50% of my time with my kids following the divorce as well. She told me "cut the cord Glassslipper, you are MORE than just a mom, and now is your chance to explore the world and find yourself"
At the time it was harsh to me and hurt, but appreciated the motivation to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it!

I can't imagine the pain, but just remind her that if she handles this with grace, later she can look back on it and be proud of being a better person, a better example, a better parent, a better role model for her children.

She can hurt, and rage, and scream inside or when alone.... but handle it with grace in front of the kids. They already know who GF is and how this went down. Kids aren't dumb.

I can relate so much,as this happened to me. My ex cheated on me while we were trying for our 2nd baby. As soon as I caught him,he treated me horribly,left the marriage and flaunted his affair all over town. He drowned my bs in his new instant family. It was unbearable for both me and my son.
I had a good counselor and lots of friends and family to lean on. I don't participate in drama and carried myself with class and grace. I refused to give those idiots the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool.
Tell your friend to breathe thru it,hold her head high. She is the bigger better person. Karma will take care of them. She needs to use her kid free time to pamper herself and rest.
She has a long road ahead. It took time,but now I am much stronger and have adjusted,she will too. I feel so bad for your friend, it is the worst pain I have dealt with

the best revenge is a life well lived.

it's all still very, very raw for her. that's awful. but it does sound like she needs to start creating new thought patterns. she's not "losing" her kids 50% of the time, or them spending time with "cheating asshole ex and his fuckbuddy". she needs to change her inner dialogue, not to gloss over his actions but to help her start coping with what is a new reality for herself and her kids.

with the holidays and him moving gf in so quickly, she hasnt had time to mentally come to terms. the poor thing needs a therapist STAT, and definately some party and pamper time to lick her wounds in private.

it's a too-often used saying, but "it is what it is". yes she's going to have to deal w/ ex. yes she's going to have to live near them. yes they'll spend time w/ the other woman. it is what it is. it's like dealing with a tornado- due to choices made, u may live right in tornado alley. it's horrible and destructive and it never really gets easier. but u make your own storm shelter and stock of supplies and just deal with it. storm siren goes off and everyone says "oh shit here we go again" and do what u gotta do.

i'm glad she's got a friend like you for support.

Good advice in this thread. My 2 cents is have her remind herself that the kids are too young to handle HER emotions. They can barely cope with their own. So be careful of letting the kids take HER anger over to dad's house. Free them from that responsibility. This way her children will do better at adjusting to something that is out of their hands and out of yours, too. They can stay kids instead becoming junior warriors. She can comfort herself that she is still being a great mom when they are away by laying that groundwork at her house.

And, yes, use the kid free time to re-invent herself and re-discover she is more than a mom, she is a full person with other interests.