AMEN

4. Why do men have children with men who are such awful parents to the kids they already have?

1). I wonder this myself about a lot of the women on here. I do not advocate divorce, but some of these men are abusive and the women still stay.

2). I agree.

3). It is probably easier for some of these women to blame a child than the adult who is creating the problem. I have no clue why.

I stay because my husband is the bomb diggity. In life. & in the sack.

I dont' have hateful feelings & I actually have love for my SD7. Her mom is the issue, but she's been cut off from me & on limiited contact to DH so things have been better. My whole marriage isn't steplife.

I never blame SD for anything. She's 7. Her parents are responsible for her.

4... BM didn't have any kids before SD.... if this was supposed to say women, DH is a good parent considering the circumstances. He & BM were never together. This will be his first 'full tme see you every day' kid. We will see how it goes...

These posts get on my nerves because they lump all of us into the minority category. 99% of posts I see ehre are blaming BM. Most pity skids. Yes they annoy us. Get on scarymommy, BIOS annoy their parents. That's life.

edit to add: go through a couple pages. Sicne you're so concerned. Count the # of posters who have done the things on your list (blame the kids, hate the kids, etc).
then count the # complaining about BM or things BM has led kids to say/do.

Nobody's whole marriage revolves around steplife, fyi. At least I'd hope not.

Why do women come to a stepparent forum to vent and demonize step-parents vents and posts?

Why are bitches so mean?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not sure how you see this as demonizing. They are valid questions and maybe some can be helped by valid responses the this blog.

EDIT to add...I would think that the OP is referring to the ones who get disrespected by the DH to the point that it is abusive. We all have step issues.

But WAY to many people on here have mainly DH problems and refuse to see it.

1. Why do so many people stay? Are these guys great in the sack?

Personally, I would hope most stay because they feel their marriage and relationship is worth fighting for. Otherwise, anyone who stays in a relationship only because the sex is great, deserves the horrible relationship they have.

2. Maybe minor sks pick up on our feelings towards them and that's part of why they act out. Some of the hatred I read about minors here is frightening.

I agree with you on this too. When I disengaged from skid, I showed her no hatred but I had to force myself into indifference so I would not react to the crap coming out of her mouth. When she realized I was not engaging her any longer, she started coming to me more and more. I would then send her off to H, so he could help her. I did my best to be polite to her, but I'll be honest. I stopped being warm and loving towards her. I did encourage her but in a mentor type of way. Not in an I care about you type of way.

I am appalled at some of the things some posters say about the small children. I get the snarky attitudes from teenagers, they're fully aware of the impact of their words and actions. But little kids don't have that advantage and they used the tools they were given by their bioparents. There are a few members on this board who should end their marriages based on their complete hatred of their young skids.

I also don't understand how you can hate your skid so much, yet choose to have kids with their father. It's disgusting to me because you know they're going to do what they can to alienate them from their siblings. They'll claim they won't but I don't see how that kind of hatred won't be passed to their own bios.

3. Why blame the kids? Blame the people who made them that way. Stop giving the dads sex, love and comfort until they start parenting. Be pissed off at THEM. Let THEM feel your anger.

This is a very unpopular but true statement as well. When I first got on here I was blaming the skid. Several posters pointed out the real problem (my H and his lack of parenting). When that lightbulb went off I did stop blaming her for the problems in our marriage. However I did hold her accountable for her words and actions.

I think most of these women realize it is their husband's fault that their skids don't behave themselves. Yes it is the husband's fault that the kid is an asshole. It does NOT change the fact that the kid is an asshole.

They need to vent.

MY SS a mostly decent kid because dh at least tries to parent. If he didn't parent at all the skid would probably be an asshole like some of the kids I read about on here. Thank God for small mercies.

I also think that some women just take their marriage vows seriously. Others stay because of the kids they already have with their dh.

I come here because nobody is going to tell me "you are supposed to love them as if they were your own children"

1. Why on earth would they leave? (Unless there's abuse, obviously.) Things got hard? The honeymoon phase wore off? Honestly I think MORE people need to roll up their sleeves and stick around to WORK on their marriages, so I applaud those willing to do that. BM is a "serial divorcee", she'll get married and then divorce the guy as soon as things get boring, let alone hard! No, I'm one that thinks that "leave him" is thrown out there too often as the "solution".

2. A few - a VERY few - posters do make me uncomfortable with the level of animosity they have towards their skids. And I'm with the people who don't like the name-calling, but I do understand that some people can do that here and then be better smoms at home, they find it helpful. (I, personally, wouldn't. If I indulged in name calling here it would deepen the negativity I have, it wouldn't help me "blow off steam". But that's me.)

3. Why blame the kids? Because kids, within age-appropriate bounds, deserve "blame" for their actions. When my 5 year old hits his brother, I don't turn to my DH and say, "That's all your fault for being a crappy parent!" Nope, my 5 year old made the choice to hit, so HE gets the consequences. And yes, I get mad at my child for poor behavior. Skids don't get a pass on that just because they're skids.

SO glad we don't not have to deal with BM....phone call or text about once every two years or so. I do hate it for my SS thought, I know it has got to be hard on him knowing his mom is just in the next city (20 minutes away) and does not make anytime to see him. But it does make life easier for DH and me.

Why do I come on here? Just to vent. While I love my SS, sometimes he does drive me nuts. And my DH, I love him so much, and he is a good father, sometimes just too good, and he does not see some of SS behaviors as problems or issues. He does not trust me to parent his son so my hands are tied, which causes a lot of frustration. My DH and I have a lot of discussions (sometimes they escalate into arguments, but not very often) about his needing to trust me and my judgement and not to take everything so personal. So, it is nice to come on here and vent my frustrations so I don't take it out on my family. I don't like to vent to my friends or family because I don't want them to think badly of my DH or my SS.

But let's face it.....being a stepparent is not always easy, and this is just a good way to release some steam.