I think it is fine, as long as they still see both parents. I was that kid and had my dad made me come visit him I would have been ticked.

My bs14 is almost 15 and our GAL told him that once he has his birthday he can chose whether to visit his dad or not. I am supposing that that means our state requires kids to be 15 to make that choice. I think at 12 kids are old enough to make that decision but I think at 15 they're much more capable of making that decision.

I have mixed feelings on letting SD choose to visit based on the situation I'm in. If it involves her spending time with friends, cool, if it involves her wanting to change visitation because GUBM has made plans on SO's time with SD, not cool. But, even when it does involve her friends, I'm not ever truly cool with it because it all hedges on GUBM actually taking SD to see her friends, which she rarely ever does. SD needs peer socialization, but, GUBM doesn't think she does and never has. SD never went to preschool and was almost home schooled because GUBM doesn't understand that kids need peer interaction. *smh*

I'm against, because that means FSS13 would be at our house ALL THE TIME! FDH lets him get away with everything and caters to his every whim.

I'd be for it since SS11 would NEVER choose to come here since we have rules/boundaries/discipline/expectations at this house (from me mostly)...however this actually DID happen to us, and even though I loved it because it kept he and SS13 from constantly squawking at each other and it kept things a little cleaner, DH got all butt-hurt about it, and I had to be the one to deal with him. Also, SS13 is WAY more clingy to DH when he's here by himself, and WAY more likely to insert himself into adult conversations that have nothing to do with him, especially when he doesn't know what we're talking about and he just makes himself sound dumb when it happens. Also, part of the reason SS11 was opting out of coming here for a while was just pure laziness. We live much further away from their school than BM, and he just didn't feel like getting up early at our house. So, actually, in our instance, it was definitely giving SS11 way too much power. I would love it if it was because they wanted to be more independent since they are the most co-dependent people I know. Sadly, co-dependence is in their DNA on BOTH sides of their family (BM is 42 and still lives with her mom), so I doubt it would ever be because of that. I hope when SS13 turns 16 and their BM inevitably buys them a car she can't afford, they'll just be everywhere but at home. Especially if "everywhere" means "at work." Personally, I'd love it if neither of them ever wanted to come here.

I am totally against it.

Regardless of a divorce these are the set of parents a kid was given. I also see that a kid has plenty of time with friends, and family is as important.

A NCP has maybe 4 days 4 nights and maybe 6 evenings s month.

I never understood the issue with saying the only time your dad gets to spend time with you is eowe....clear your schedule.

SS decided he didn't want to come to our house a year ago. He sees his dad 3 hrs a week. He saw his half sister 4 times last year. Family should always trump friends.

I am sure a CO sees the kid more than 6 evenings and 4 nights

i think it depends on the situation. i knew at 12 who i wanted to see and who i didn't. i think if they got punished and are mad at one parent and decide they want to be with the other one, tough shit. but if one parent really isn't all that involved and they just don't want to go, it might be ok. lots of factors to consider.