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LAT There is a blogger on here who inspired me

anothermom's picture

SO moved out not completely(garage is still full of his things) but he and SS19 are not here.
I really don't care for 2 out 3 of his darlings. I have three of my own and I'm sure he gets annoyed as well;hell I do and their mine,BUT I correct them! He also,has the right to make mine mind.I don't have that luxury with his and they are adults.
Our views on parenting and other things are different.We are also at different stages/ kid ages.
We do have fun together and truly love and care for one another.
I LOVE the idea of living apart together(LAT) I can't get SO to jump on this band wagon.Any suggestions on how to convince him. I'm also good on letting "sleeping dogs lay", but I feel WE do have a good thing.
IMHO, I think so many on here would benefit from this. Also, IMHO Unless,your spouse is loaded I don't think many can afford to be SAHP anymore and having a spouse paying my way is not worth compensating it back with my well being. JUST SAYING not trying to offend anyone.
Even if things go south with my SO LAT will Be the way for me.
I'm curious to know how y'all feel about this;)

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

DH and I were thisclose to doing that, but at the last minute I decided that I wasn't going to let his ASShole kid push me out of my own freaking house.

I may find myself living it though, if ASS doesn't leave the house after he graduates from high school. DH knows that once that kid graduates, he can live with ASS or he can live with me, but not both.

DoberGirl's picture

I won't live with his Adults. He knows that his choice is LAT or nothing. So far he hasn't complained since we started seeing each other again. Both of his Adults have full time jobs and are capable of supporting themselves but he has invited them to stay home. He can live with his decision and do all the traveling. 

hereiam's picture

Well, there are some on here who it's working for but I think it depends on the situation.

Your SS is technically an adult and for your SO to move out rather than stand up for your relationship and tell his kidult (learned that term on here and I love it) that he needs to get his act together, says something about his overall maturity and investment in your relationship.

Maybe he doesn't want to be convinced.

oneoffour's picture

I notice a lot of people find the need to live together whether with marriage in the future or not. Each to his own, c'est la vie. However when this happens it complicates things. Especially if the kids don't get along or the parents have vastly differing parenting styles.

So if you want to spend time together do so separately. Live your own lives and raise your children accordingly. When they are out of the home you can marry/ move in together. Or not. A number of people stay married but live in adjacent homes. There is no law saying you have to live together. Frankly I would be happy with this. Live my life with my kids (when they were younger)and spend adult time with the man of my dreams. Luckily DH was 99% in agreement with parenting like I did.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

The kids will never leave. Even if they move out they will still be calling and coming by. If you can't deal with the current situation it's time to cut your losses and move on.

Cdngirl's picture

My DH and I recently went through this. After my SD and DH finally pushed me to the breaking point I kicked them both out. It was probably the best thing that happened to us. We all started counseling first apart to better ourselves and then eventually when it was getting closer to moving back in together we went together.

We had two hard dates set, first 6 months if nothing changed then the 1 year point. If either felt that nothing was getting better then it would be over. I think that helped immensely in lighting a fire under his ass to get his and his daughters shit together.

Then when we moved back in together some things were reset, like how finances were going to be who was going to be responsible for what and some hard rules regarding SD16 and expectations for her.
I am not going to say it is all peaches and cream because it isn't there are days that I wish we were still living apart but things have improved and we are working on it.

It can be done, but I think it takes clear expectations on both parties and to look at it as a way to start over.

kittyskid's picture

I swear I wish we could do this! I can afford to get my own place. I've actually had dreams of a little house or condo w a room for my grandchildren to visit, sewing room, peace to write, kept clean & peaceful, etc!!!. I am treated like royalty here & surrounded by the love of
I guess dh is too threatened to consider this, even after I reassured him that I loved him very much.
I've been gone 5 days now, living w daughter & her family. I'm treated like a queen & showered w love from my granddaughters.
My skids treat my brands horribly, every time they come over. One twin12 told my grandson12 last week, "Why did they have to bring YOU here?" "How long til ya'll brats leave?". This is in my house that I bought w inheritance. I told her that they have every right to come to My house, as they are a part of me!
UGH...I want to just make a decision
I do feel sorry for him. He looks like he's aged 10 yrs. He is stressed all the time & feels stuck in the middle.