SS19 Has moved in....This house isn't big enough!
It's official, SS is not welcomed back at his Grandfathers. Aunty and OSD do not want him either.
Aunty and OSD are upset with SO., over SS. behavior. It never gets corrected!
BM, gets off the hook, no questions asked. That annoys the hell out of me.
My mud room AKA my bk's living room is now SS's bedroom. It's also connected to the garage and my fave porch. I feel like I've lost a lot of living space. It's not fair to my kids or me. SO, said I can use another door to get to that porch or just go to another porch
F that! I'm so upset!
I work at a school, so I'm home during the day....ugh! I coach also, but its not 40hrs/wk. My bios have sporting events in the evenings. Which means the kids and I get to be home with SS. He sleeps all day and acts irritated when bs 10 uses the connecting doors to feed the dog in the garage.
I told SO,SS needed to find a job within a month to continue his stay here. He has been "looking". I wanted to throw in he has to attend church with us to stay here, mostly because he'd be out of here right away, LOL.
I need my own house..
Anyone out there have more people than room? How do you cope? What makes it work???
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Anyone out there have more
Anyone out there have more people than room?
No, I wouldn't allow it. Your DH should not get to dictate that SS gets to live there or that you should change what you do and how you do it.
Sleeps all day? I would vacuum or use power tools all day and go in and out of those connecting doors as often as possible.
The church requirement is a good one if the rest of the family goes to church. Your house, your rules. Do it.
The vacuum and blender did
The vacuum and blender did get used. this morning ,) AND I do have a craft I want to make. I would need to use the drill and sander, HA HA HA
I could not allow my skids to
I could not allow my skids to move back in at 19. I'm sorry, this is wrong.
Since you're in it, if he's not working, your DH had better tell him he gets up just like everyone else, and here's your list of chores for room and board. Lawn, laundry, garbage, weeding, vacuuming, whatever. No one rides for free. If he doesn't like it, there's the door.
Hope you can stand up for yourself. Best of luck!
Shoot. This is exactly what
Shoot. This is exactly what you were afraid of. Sounds like the visit was a setup. Did SO know SS was coming to stay? Or was that a surprise to him, too? If your SO purposely didn't tell you, all hell would break loose at my house, and that might be enough to make him my former SO.
But, no, you do not have to accept this. Insist on a timeline for moving out. 30 days to find a job, 90 days to get out is reasonable, although that 90 days would be absolute torture to me. Out no matter what at the 91-day mark, even if that means dropping him off at a homeless shelter. If your DH is too much of a sissy to tell him, then you must. It's not like SS hasn't heard "you can't live here anymore" before.
This isn't your problem to solve, but do you know WHY your SS is an asshole? Does he need mental health counseling? Job skills training? Help in filling out job applications? An alarm clock? I ask because your DH should be insisting that he get the skills he needs to live on his own. Ignoring and enabling, well, nothing ever changes except for perhaps your own address.
SS's needs/wants are not more important that what you and your BS need/want.
You are all right! SO, didn't
You are all right!
SO, didn't know. He did plan on us "splitting custody" with OSD and Aunty . It back fired and they aren't on speaking terms at the moment.
Last year I asked SS what he planned on doing career wise he had no idea. I asked a few days ago, he still has no idea and said I bug him about this more than his parents.
I told SO to take his son to some community colleges
and Job fairs. He told SS. about it he said....he will think about it!
This clearly screams SO is a sissy, la, la when it comes to parenting!
I doubt SO will change. Nothing will till he does. I feel trapped until, I'm able to find another house
Please tell us that there is
Please tell us that there is a deadline for him to leave established. And that he has responsibilities to contribute to the household. 30 days to find a job, how long to stay there?
I don't think I could do it even for 30 days. Not that you should but can your DH cover security deposit and a month or two of rent? Peace of mind might be well worth it.
LOL! My kids 13,11&10 see the
LOL! My kids 13,11&10 see the differences between him and the other young adults in
their lives. Its sad! bd13 asks daily when he will be gone.
This is a great idea. I would
This is a great idea. I would make it as unpleasant as possible for him, while not seeming like you are actively antagonizing him. No reason to tip toe around an adult man. And I seriously hope your DH is not giving him spending cash.
It sounds too late now. Set a
It sounds too late now. Set a time line and stick to it. My SS19 moved back home after moving out and lasting an entire 6 weeks. He was only coming back for 1 month until he could find a place. That stretched into 6 months. Granted he was working somewhat but as usual did nothing for the house in terms of cleaning or anything. He moved out again and has been gone for 5 months so hopefully things work out for him as it was a tough 5 months when he was here.
Cat, I can see SS doing this
Cat, I can see SS doing this forever!
Nothing will change till SO does.
He has until August. Yeah, lol.
I joked about homeless shelters. SO got a tear in his eye.
I mentioned a studio apartment, SO laughed.
I just want to wash my hands of all this.
I'm looking for a suitable home for my bk's and I
I put my application in at a couple realty agencies,I'm sure I'll get a call back sooner than SS gets a job or his own place.
August. Right. Here's the
August. Right. Here's the rest of that story. He won't be "ready" to move out in August. Your SO says just another couple of months, really, he promises. But, oh, then it's near the holidays and he can't kick him out around Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. And then it will be winter and too cold. And in the spring, all those college kids take up all the good jobs so there is nothing for SS and he can't move out then. Maybe by NEXT August. But that's delayed, and he can't kick him out around Thanksgiving...
Good for you for looking for your own place for you and bios. THAT will be a wakeup call to your SO.
Keep us posted.