Having a lot to be thankful for...
Thanksgiving was really nice and relatively quiet. BM took kids to Ohio to some relatives and SD ended up getting sick which is unfortunate. So we didn't get to see the kids at all until yesterday we had SS. We had a really nice day and BM didn't interupt us to much. I have to say that things have been going well and am thankful for that. I'm thankful for finding this site and for the support that I get here. I'm thankful for BF and that he loves me very much and of course am thankful for the SS and SD as they teach me things all the time. I'm thankful for my family and friends and their love and support.
The next few weeks will be very busy with me moving into BF house, I'm thankful because this is a big step for him and for me because I'm usually the one that moves the man into my life. This is new territory for me but I'm ready!We've had a tough few years but I truely love this man and want to have a life with him and his children and will give it my all. I'm not sure if BM knows this yet and can only hope that she accepts it graciously.....well at least that she doesn't take it out on the kids with visitation issues. I know that I can't really do anything about it and at this point can't worry about it. I refuse to let her dictate my life.
One thing I'm concerned about is the kids though, how the discussion should start with them? Is it something that should be discussed together with them or is this really something to be discussed by BF only? Unfortunately we don't get them often enough for them to really remember or understand so I'm not sure if it should get all intense, personally I think that they think I live there anyway, but its hard to say??? What do you think? I try to be the most honest person and want them to know and understand, maybe I"m asking for to much.
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I say .. let him talk to
I say .. let him talk to them first. They may be more 'truthful' or 'open' about their feelings or concerns with just him present..that will give them an opportunity to put all the cards on the table up front and discuss 'you' or 'your role' in thier lives without fear of hurting your feelings, etc.
Sometimes,,they may have 'issues' at the beginning because any changes to your life can be scary.
After the intitial conversation b/t him and the kids..he can give you feedback and you guys can discuss things you need to re-assure them about..etc. The groundwork, rules, expectations, how to handle conflict, disipline..etc. As a UNITED COUPLE....and you can make your introduction as thier live-in step-mom....
what do you think??
I agree that he should talk to them...
first, thank you for your response. I talked with him about this again and he feels that they'll know what's happening and he'll discuss it with them as it comes up. You see we don't have regular visitations its all on BM terms, we ask for them and when she approves and doesn't change her mind then we have them. Its not a great arrangement but thats another long story. Well we're getting them this weekend and I'm beginning the move so we'll see how it goes!
My advice is to downplay it.
Sometimes we get all worried over how our kids are going to react to something and then it turns out to be no big deal and we worried for nothing. If you are already a fixture in Dad's life and have a good relationship with the kids, then this might seem like a logical extension of that to the kids. I agree with lovin-life, but in reverse. I say talk to them together first. Briefly lay out the facts, express how excited you are that you get to be a part of such a great family and tell them that you are not taking anything away from them, but that you hope to be bringing something positive to the current situation. Answer any questions that they may have and then move on to something else. Later, let Dad get them alone after it has had time to sink in for a private chat with the kids. With regard to any changes that come, try to make them as gradual as possible and just be patient if they rebel a little at first. It won't be anything personal against you, just a normal reaction to change.
~ Anne ~
Thank you for your advice...
I think this would be alot easier if we had scheduled visitations with the kids but since we don't its going to be happening when we see them as this weekend we are getting the kids and I'm going to be moving my stuff in as well. Not everything but they'll know and hopefully BF will discuss it with them. Again I think that they assume I live there anyway so hopefully it won't be to much of a shock to them.