Fuckwits and finances - excuse my language...
So I just need some feedback here on whether I am being taken for a total ride here or not. My SO and I live next door to each other - we have 4 bios each so living together is a little tricky. SO is building a home on his block that will (when finished) be big enough to accommodate all of us. He is self employed in the building industry and while that has provided him with income his work is drying up. I have NEVER been reliant on him financially. What my issue is is that SO always seems to skive off paying his share of the day to day expenses. I had a deal going with him that (as I cook most of the time) I would continue to buy the bulk of the groceries for both of our households - he and his bios generally come to mine of an evening to eat or I go to his house and cook. Now I am generally happy with this set up as I enjoy cooking. However I am finding that I am contributing far more financially to our day to day living expenses and he seems to think that this is a for gone conclusion. Last week alone I have shelled out $400 for groceries, petrol for his car, have bought all of our cigarettes and alcohol, funded my sons birthday party and presents and let me tell you this is not unusual. I shouted us out to breakfast the other morning, I paid for our holiday earlier this year interstate, my parents have picked up the tab to fix my ailing car as I did not have the funds slushing for it, yet this guy then turns around and tells me tonight that I would have to shout a bottle of wine as he had exhausted his funds. I am left with about $400 in the bank until next week. I just had to help him with his taxes and because of that saw his bank statement. The guy has over $1800 slushing around in there and is crying poor. He took his bios out for lunch the other day. The only thing he has spent has been getting my gas for me which is about $120 every 2-3 months. Outside of that I take care of myself - he cuts me fire wood from time to time which is free from his property. Any time I have needed to ask him for any form of financial help at all it has developed into an argument. He is always happy to help other people in the way of work of financial loans etc, yet if I get money from him he expects me to pay him back. I have bought his kids clothes, presents and shoes whenever needed without question. Yet when my son needed shoes I had to argue with this douche for half a day to get $20 off him to pay for a set of shoes. He is aslo now taking my son along with his to Karate one night a week. The class is $9 each - he has asked me to pay the $9 as he cannot afford to . When I questioned him on his motivations tonight in the car and told him I felt he was unfair when it came to finances he slammed on the brakes and proceeded to try and get out of the car as he couldn't stand the argument as he feels everything is fair. Can I get some advice off you ladies what I should do - this guy is driving me nuts.
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Stop spending your money on
Stop spending your money on him and his kids. He's using you and you're letting it happen. You have the power to fix this.
"When I questioned him on his
"When I questioned him on his motivations tonight in the car and told him I felt he was unfair when it came to finances he slammed on the brakes and proceeded to try and get out of the car as he couldn't stand the argument as he feels everything is fair. Can I get some advice off you ladies what I should do - this guy is driving me nuts."
That guy has it made. What guy wouldn't want the lady next store to buy all his groceries for him and 4 kids. Buy his smokes and alcohol. Cook his meals, and pay for all entertainment AND be his sugar pie when the urge strikes him. H*ll I'd slam on my brakes and get all mad too if my free ride was objecting to the set up.
Look, I'm not saying the guy might not really care for you. What I'm saying is this guy is a user. How the heck is he affording to build a house if he can't even buy his own smokes and groceries. Oh, wait...he's sucking you dry. I wouldn't be surprised if once that house is finished you'll either not be invited to move in and/or it will be you expected to pay the gas. electric, all the groceries for 10 people, the clothing blah blah blah. And if you dare to complain, he'll stomp on the brakes and threaten to jump out of the car again...afterall, seems 'fair' to him.
Please really rethink this relationship before you get any deeper. If he's using you now, and nothing changes real quick (he doesn't think there is a problem) it will just get worse.
When you said he 'tried' to
When you said he 'tried' to get out of the car does that mean you physically stopped him? If that's the case he's playing games and manipulating you. Now you know he's going to run any time you question the 'arrangement'. and he's probably counting on the fact that you won't bring it up again.
Can't you see that you're just his sugarmama? He's a loser. You sound like such a wonderful, giving person. Find someone who deserves and respects you, not someone who's going to mooch off of you.
Stop paying for his crap. You
Stop paying for his crap. You don't live together so you pay for yours and let him pay for his. Period.
Look, I didn't share any of
Look, I didn't share any of my gov'ment cheese with Cleetus until we lived in one trailer together.
Looks like this guy is eating ALL yer cheese and leaving you with plain crackers!
What do we do with used
What do we do with used douches? We flush them.
8 children potentially living
8 children potentially living in the same house? You're not even living together yet and have separate finances and already you are in conflict about money? He won't discuss things reasonably and resorts to aggressive scare tactics in the car if you bring it up? We can't see the big picture of your relationship on here but these signs are not good. The worst sign is his reaction when you tried to explain why you felt it wasn't fair. If you can't even discuss things in a calm civil way it does not bode well for being able to deal with the complex and stressful financial, organisational and emotional situations that a blended family creates.
Separate your finances completely. Tell him nicely that you obviously don't agree on money issues so you would rather not argue about it and go back to managing things separately with separate mealtimes at your respective houses. Then stop feeding him and his children, and buying them clothes etc - it is his job to provide for his children. If he reacts in an aggressive hostile way to this then that is a big red flag that says this is not a healthy relationship for you, or your children.
Money is the biggest issue
Money is the biggest issue that break couples up. Blending a family is very tricky at best. If you guys can't come to a solution (which is damn near impossible, given his defensiveness) regarding the finances, I don't see your relationship lasting a long time.
There is a REASON he is being defensive. He KNOWS it isn't "fair" even if he is claiming to you that he feels it IS fair.