So here goes...may be long so I apologize but I really have no one else and am going insane living like this...

Me and my husband have been together for a little over 3 years and share a 7 month old son together. He has an ex of which he shares twin children with. The complication is that they are no longer with either parent due to the age that both my H and the BM were at the time of the twins birth. The are with a distant relative of the BM but we visit the children often. This is being said because the BM is not in the picture at all in any part of sharing visitation with the children...

However she is a HUGE part of my H's family. It has gotten increasingly worse as time goes on and it is now gotten to the point of no return. BM is with my FIL and MIL on a daily basis, and constantly gets financial support from them. In return we have always helped my IL's with finances if needed, among other things. My major problem is this...she is always around. My IL's are a huge part of my H's life, and by association she has become a huge part of mine. And it is constant drama. She is involved in all sorts of activities that I will not allow my son to be around, nor it even be spoke of around my son. I even had to spend my first mother's day around her.

My issue is not having to be around her for the kids. I have never had an issue with that, and I love them as if they were my own. My problem is having to surround myself with her everyday. I feel like I am not even living my life, but hers and I feel as if I am intruding on her life insteading of it being the other way around. If I am not having to be surrounded by her, it is that I am hearing of her by my IL's. I have heard things even as much as them saying how much they will always love her and how everyone in the family has to take care of her, and how she would like to be back in my H's life. BM talks to my IL's about trying to win back my H and even goes so far as to ask about when we have fights, and my MIL warned me to never get into a fight with my H or the BM will be back in the picture. And this is just the tip of the iceburg. She has spread rumors throughout the family trying to break me and my H up, and when speaking to me about my son, BM asked if she would be called the stepmom. I have spoke to my H about this but he thinks I am overreacting.

I just feel really lost at this point. I want the best for my son, and being anywhere involved with her like this is not good in any aspect. I want him to have a relationship with his grandparents, and I would like to enjoy my marriage, but at this point I see no resolve...

Help?? Any advice??