New here
Hi!!
I'm new here. I've been looking for a good place to vent with ppl who can relate to me! This is my first post so it might be long so bare with me.
I've been a stepmom for 4 years now. I met my husband and we got me married pretty fast. When we met his son was 5 and my daughter was 6. My husband told me up front that he picks his son up every weekend. Not a problem at first I thought because I have a daughter who is lives with me 24/7z His son seemed like a sweet, well-mannered child at the beginning. After we moved in together I saw a different side of him. He is the total opposite of my daughter. He has major behavioral problems. He has done so much that I could write a book. Literally every year since I've been with my husband my SS has been in trouble in school multiple times a week. He also doesn't listen to me or respect me. His mother told him from the beginning that I'm not his mother and my daughter is not his sister. At first I would just let him run over me, but now I tell him when he's doing wrong. I've tried my hardest to like him, but I just can't. I think we have a mutual understanding that we don't like each other at this point.
I just really resent him because literally every week there is a problem with him, which causes stress in my household. He's always in trouble. One example he told my husband that his mom's bf pushed him down and gave him a black eye. Every time he would tell the story he told it a different way though. He's a known liar might I add. I knew he was lying from the very beginning. My DH not so much. This situation escalated to the point that my husband went to try and file a police report . Finally we talk to the BM and her bf and he explains the situation. It comes out that he LIED like I had been saying all along. This is just ONE example of the type of trouble he causes.
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Where is your DH in all this?
Your DH needs to step up and take over with your SS while you disengage. You and your DH need to be on the same page about expected behavior with your DH handing out consequences for infractions. Please read the Forum section "Disengagement". Many, many others on this site have had the same problems so you will see many species. Good luck.
Does your DH parent him when
Does your DH parent him when he's there? Sounds like a NO. Disengage and let his father handle him, 100% of the time.
All the above, PLUS
While you are figuring things out, I would suggest nanny cams. And locks on things. Thats if you cannot leave.
Those are very disturbing lies. SS "followed through" and didnt back out of the lies. And there are more lies that you alluded to in your post. You must be very disengaged by now, as you have expressed you are in a sort of "detente" with SS. The trouble with this is that his lies wont get less, they will get more as he learns more, and gets older, he will get worse. Because no repercussions.
SD21 Feral Forger, I met her when she was 15. She and I never really connected and now I know why. Because she lies. And she started stealing at 17 (that we know of). Then almost a year ago she stole checks from her mother, Toxic Troll, whom she was living with, and forger her signature and deposited them. She had a few different bank accounts, one of which was a child account that was connected to my Dh's main account. Luckily the bank did not lock him out completely, as they did with Toxic Troll's allegedly. Not to mention the cash that went missing and the credit cards.
My point is, that she started with lies and accusations of abuse. Dh would put them off, her "trash-talking" of people, telling me "oh no one will belive her, they know she does this to everyone". So no repercussions. EVER.
I do not have bios of my own, but from reading here, your bios CAN POSSIBLY be taken away from you...is that something you are willing to risk?
And the bad influences of SS on your bio. Its been 4 years. Have you noticed any changes in your kiddo over time?
Welcome to the site!!! Hope to read more of your story.
Oh wow that story you told of
Oh wow that story you told of your Situation is crazyyy! My bio child is still the same thankfully! She isn't easily influenced by others. They are close in age and she hasn't tried to imitate anything she's seen him doing so far.
I would not be alone with a
I would not be alone with a skid who lied about a stepparent harming him. This time it's his step-dad. Next time it could be you. Or your daughter, so she shouldn't ever be alone with him either.
I understand that kids lie. "I didn't break that," "I already did my homework," "My room is clean" - those are normal kid lies. "SF pushed me and gave me a black eye" - that is NOT a normal kid lie. That is an evil lie, designed to harm someone. You need to protect yourself and your DD from a kid who'd tell that lie.
Let your husband know that you can't live with an out of control, poorly behaved, dishonest kid, and that he needs to seriously up his parenting game if he expects you to stick around. You should know by his reaction if it's a lost cause or not.
Unfortunately he is very
Unfortunately he is very manipulative and knew what to do to trigger my husband. All of this happened because my ss doesn't like his mother's bf. He knows that my husband is over protective and would have the reaction that he did.