After four years of the same thing, I have finally reached the end of my rope.
When my husband and I first met things were simple. Despite having 4 children between the two of us we were both committed to putting in the work to keep it strong until problems arise with the kids. I have a 7 year old girl, and a 13 year old boy, he has a 13 year old girl and 17 year old boy. Interesting combination.

In the beginning, he was kind and considerate to both me and my children and willing to get things taken care of quickly. About 10 months into our relationship, the lease was ending on my apartment, so we discussed moving into his place and began making wedding plans. This was a big mistake. SS who was only there on the w/e quickly voiced his dissatisfaction about having to share his weekend living area with my son and so as he spoke it was then decided that he was not required to share his weekend living area. My son and daughter ended up sharing the room his daughter uses during the summer when she visits. This was a complete and total disaster. Three children expected to share one room. That was my husband’s idea. His daughter who only came down during the summer at that time constantly told my kids get out of her room, I couldn’t stand it, but the final straw was when she cut all of my son’s eyebrows off and received the proverbial slap on the wrist as if it was something good to do. I was livid and had had quite enough. After about six months of verbal confrontations regarding the children’s behavior and pure vengefulness on the part of his son’s mother, I was fed up. In an effort to salvage the relationship and restore my peace of mind, I packed my bags, and moved into my own home, I left the new furniture,the appliances everything and started new in my own place. It was wonderful.

Four years later, we are going through much of the same thing, and I am questioning “Why I Got Married”. His now 17 year old son still spends much of his time carrying messages for his mother to his father, begging for money on top of the monthly child support obligation his father honors, and passing guilt trips on to his father for not giving in to his demands. For example, SS called father to report his mother did not have any food in her house. Father went out and bought groceries then dropped them off. Now him spending his last dime things of that nature does not bother me because I pay my own way. He has his own mortgage and household bills and I have my own mortgage and household bills, so I do not expect him to pay any of mine. My only request is that my lawn is kept mowed and my garbage is always taken out, and we share the responsibility of preparing meals. I take care of everything else.

The most recent occurrence took place last weekend. SD was over for the weekend. I made breakfast for everyone, and went over internet safety (which included do not go on facebook or chatting because SD’s mother forbids) I allowed them to have some computer time. My son played on something called Y8 games during his time, and my daughter visited LPS(little pet shop) but low and behold, SD visits facebook despite being told not to do so. During a TAD (Talk and Discuss) session with my kids on the way home from after-school the following Tuesday I discovered that my SD was being physically, and verbally abusive, and they did not tell because they were afraid to make SD mad. WHAT!!!!! Oh, I know the question is how much damage could a 13 year old girl inflict right? Well, try using profanity and shoving to make my kids to sit down when they are trying to leave the room in order to tell on her, what about smashing the top of my son’s head with her fist and blocking the door so he won’t leave the room, or grabbing my daughter by the shoulders to shove her into a chair, then there’s the never ending pouting all day every day until she gets what she wants and the grand finale of crying if she drops one tear dad comes to the rescue in a flash.

Well, after getting over the initial shock, I went to my husband, and his response was “Why did they wait until now to tell you” and “Your kids are not angels you know” and “What will it be next time there is always something”

He waits until she calls a week later to tell her “you have to apologize to those kids” just as I expected, She (SD)says “for what” my husband says “you know, for bossing them around” I lost it at that point I said. Wait one darn minute! Tell her what she did. She has been a bully, as well as physically and verbally abusive. Tell her what she has done wrong the correct way. She’s is 13, this is not just sibling rivalry, stop sugar coating and making excuses for her bad behavior before you have a major problem on your hands. Of course, that started a whole new argument. My thoughts were OMG Did I miss something. When is it all right for a child to be a bully? And when did it become ok to become offended when this type of behavior has been pointed out? I love my husband dearly, however this “your child, my child” battle is burning me out.