hi all!! i know ive been absent lately and thank u to everyone who pms me or catches up w me on FB. i have been popping in and reading ur blogs from time to time but havent really had a chance to sit down and let u know how ive been doing. so here goes. i see that theres been some drama here lately, and that makes me sad. i dont know what has all transpired but i wanted to say that we all NEED each other, thats what this site is for--its different things to everyone but bottom line, we all come to this sacred place bc we NEED to. so keep that in mind. and also dont judge someone else til youve walked a mile in her (or his) step shoes!

so first things first...BABY! we are doing great! finally feeling good and enjoying the pregnancy. i was really sick for the first 4 months of it...threw up alot, lost weight, thought i had a mean baby (lol!) etc, but that has thankfully all passed. i would come home from work and have no energy and just sleep and not be able to eat, or eat and throw up and then sleep bc of the exhaustion from that. im 5 months now (halfway there!) and finally showing and happy to report that we are having a baby boy!!!! i admit i was expecting a girl and was quite thrown at first, but now im in love w my little boy. he even wiggled his toes for mommy at the ultrasound so this ultra prissy, ultra feminine girly girl is gonna try her hand at raising a ball playing boy! tee hee. DH is thrilled, as are SSs...all is so very well there. thanks everyone for writing to check on me...its much appreciated. baby is so active now...he moves and kicks all the time, so i guss i have a soccer player on my hands!

some bad news. as of rite now, we are no longer seeing SD3.5...BM has started her shit again, accusing my SS16 of abuse AGAIN AND on a wkend when he was visiting his BM and wasnt even home. she made up this crazy story, is lying about what happened when we went to court last time, is brainwashing SD we believe, and even took her to the dr bc "her vag hurt and she had discharge and wouldnt let her touch her there." maybe as a mother and woman u would immediately think INFECTION, from not wiping good or whatever but no, not BM. she calls DH at work thru crocodile tears and says shes having the dr check her out for abuse. we called the dr ourselves and found out it was mild irritation. still, DH said he cant have SD over if BM is going to keep this up, and BM agreed she didnt want her here bc dh "isnt protecting her and putting her first" aka above his other child, SS16. so last we heard she took her to dr and she hasnt called us since. its been 2 months. DH is sad but this is what we have to do rite now to protect our family, ALL the kids, SD included. i told DH to think of it as temporary, and maybe something will change one day and we can see her again. but rite now, we cant risk SS and him going thru what he did last time, and we have the baby to worry about. its a sad situation all around.

a funny thing though...just another example of how whacked out my life is...so SS21 is getting married and his fiancees family isnt throwing her a shower, so my SIL offered to throw her one. but when it came down to it, she and BIL started throwing around how busy they are and will need help w getting the house ready and so on (what???!!!), so DH and i said forget it, we will do it ourselves. then SS asks if his BM can come!!! so, BM is coming to a shower that i, her ex husbands new pregnant wife, am throwing for HER future DIL!!!! its like a jerry springer episode!

i told u all how DH was asking for a CS modification for what we get for SS16. he and BM settled on a decent amount, and are getting that straitened out w the courts. its more than we were getting, which we really need to help us out rite now, esp w baby coming and SS starting to drive this summer.

whew! well, thats been my life for the past couple months. thanks for reading and i promise to be more active again.