Threaten to leave for a few days.
I threaten to leave for a few days because I’m done being left out. The youngest SS is graduating and having awards dinners for this and that. I’m always told there is limited seating or whatever. We have been married for 6 years. 3 weeks ago I finally broke down and told husband I’m done planning and getting stuff for the party. If I’m not allowed to the award dinners then I’m not going out of my way for his graduation party. I explained to him how hurt I was and that I blame him for not questioning why I’m not allowed to go again. He gave me this line of bull saying he was going to talk to SS blah blah blah. Well that didn’t happen.
I’m still upset about the youngest SS and the oldest SS is going thru depression issues. He has been posting stuff on social media and saying things like his parents shouldn’t have had children. Blaming his dad for not teaching him how to talk to women. Not sure how you can teach someone how to be social. The other 2 SS are social and have no problem. Anyway the BM has gone overboard trying to get husband to call her. We have her blocked because we just got tired of her drunk ass calling and txt all the time. She uses the youngest SS phone and calls husband. I’m told it was the youngest calling and is going over to talk to oldest at the ex’s house. When he gets back home he tells me it was the ex calling and not much was accomplished. The ex told husband to unblock her though. He hasn’t and says he won’t.
So why am I so upset? Once again I’m not included The oldest SS has medical things going on and no one has brought up this issue that can be causing the depression. BM just wants oldest to go on drugs or commit him for a 72 hr hold. I want to find solutions when all of them want excuses and do things that mask the problem. The youngest SS talks to me about his personal life before he tells his BM. Youngest doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff to his dad. I’m good enough for that but not good enough to go to awards or be around where BM will be. I think all 3 SS are afraid of what the BM will do. They don’t want her to embarrass them. It’s not like I would go around her. I’m tired of husband not sticking up for me. So much so I just want to leave for a few days.
To be continued...
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How limited is this seating?
How limited is this seating? Do they not have 4 guest seats? The only people that should be there are BM and her SO/DH and your DH and you. All other's can suck and egg. Y'all are the parents.
IF your DH can't see that, then I would plan a vacation too! Ya know... I was looking at last minute cruise deals the other day, and you can get a heck of vacation if you can leave within a couple of weeks! Just think how much fun something like that would be!
Some schools still seem to
Some schools still seem to live in denial that divorce, remarriage and blended families do not exist. The term of 'limited seating' in these out dated poorly functioning zones usually means mom and dad only.
Which of course sets up troubles in the student's households (because , yeah, these kids have two households, they have stepparents and they have an assortment of siblings and stepsiblings).
One would think all that would be required was to notify the hosting person/s that either two seats plus the students or four seats plus the students were being requested as reserved for __________ (student's name). Parents and stepparents should take place at the table before any other guest. And seating should be able to accommodate that the two to four attending parents/stepparents do not end up all sitting side by side if possible. Does it really matter if Dad and SM sit at the different table than BM and SF? It shouldn't.
However even when the school itself is quite willing and able to accommodate a student's needs for the event, one household or the other still insist in game playing. The 'I won't attend if so n so does' making things tough on the kid and the kid stuck with feuding immature parents/stepparents who can't managed to act civil in the same room (possibly same table) for a couple hours.
I've no clue which case it is for the OP, but I do understand the frustration. Stepparents should not be excluded from partaking in the events of acknowledging the student's achievements. Especially when a stepparent spends time cheering kid on at the actual games or running kid back and forth for practices or even spend hours helping the kid achieve this or that status to earn whatever award.
Wanna know how silly some of these dinners and ceremonies get? My DD is in her school's chapter of NHS , she get stuck serving these types of dinners as part of their school/community service. She was telling me about one BM at the dinner for the sports awards was discreetly pitching dinner rolls at SM at the next table over. DD simply walked over and quietly removed the dinner roll basket and moved it on down the table. She knows the student whose BM this was and she was embarrassed for the kid.
Unfortunately there may well
Unfortunately there may well be limits to the amount of people a venue will accomodate. My DH ran a dinner cruise excursion and there were absolute legal limits to the number of people allowed. It's possible that these schools just have to make the tough call. Sometimes they can mitigate some things by allocating X tickets per child and if not all are spoken for allow others to request extra spots.
If there really is limited seating, it sucks that OP is excluded. But, if she is making way for some relative like a Bio grandparent... perhaps being gracious is a kind thing to do.
This is true. When I
This is true. When I graduated a hundred years ago, I got 2 tickets.
There is limits but there was
There is limits but there was a seat for me. I’m thinking my DH is going to start including me in everything or I’ll just leave. Don’t get me wrong I love him with all my heart but life is to short and I’m not going to live like that.
Im not going to be miserable and mad all the time. I was making it just fine being a single mom before and I will be great if I do decide to leave.
There were 6 seats at the
There were 6 seats at the table. One was empty of course SS, his teacher, BM and DH. The BM just didn’t want me to go. I’m so sick of DH not sticking up for me. He thinks he isn’t at fault at all. I told him he is making things so much worse. He doesn’t have a clue.
Beth
Beth
You're not suppose to care more then the parents.
Sad but true. Sounds like the SS's are all adults-time for them to grow up and act like adults. You can easily offer them a kind word or several-but they may not take too kindly to your methods. They're probably used to be coddled and treated like victims.
Why are you planning and
Why are you planning and doing the work for the awards dinner, etc., if you are being excluded from going? Your DH should have your back
If it were me, I would not lift a finger for these people if they cannot invite you. You have been married too long for this to go on.
good luck with everything.
Like KittyKatMomma said, you
Like KittyKatMomma said, you cannot care more than the parents.
Beth, if you are constantly excluded, why are you doing all of this planning and buying?? Let your DH do it. Take a step back, disengage a little, and take care of YOUR mental health. You should not be helping out with things for activities in which you are not included.
Husband doesn’t have your back
Your Husband doesn’t have your back. You know this is total bull sh*t. They want to play happy family. Even through it was never happy. I would do nothing if I was excluded, not only that I would make sure that none of my money went to this party. I also would never do anything for SK from now on. If you were excluded from a school event, What going to happen when important thing happens, Wedding and all that goes with that, Grand kids, ect
I hear you. I’m not doing
I hear you. I’m not doing anymore. The BM gave the SS graduation ceremony invites but gave us one with Mr. & Mrs. on it. I said something to my husband but then I said it doesn’t matter I’m not going. This is the 3rd time I told him I’m not going. He said what do you have planned for that day. I said not going to the graduation. He isn’t saying to much. I’m thinking he thinks I will change my mind. Not going to happen. I’m proud of my SS and I will tell him but I’m just done!!!