DH and Excuses

My DH is always making excuses for SS20 and SS15. This has been going on for years. I call him on it but it doesn't stop DH.

I'm tired of it. This is why the boys a stunted and immature.

~BettyRay

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Hi Betty Ray, Sometimes our

Hi Betty Ray,

Sometimes our partners and even ourselves dont want to look in the mirror and see whats facing back at us.
My SO also makes exscuses for his son- since hes moved in its worse- his son is two years behind hes in grade 10, should be in grade 12 and graduating, he has pulled a 2-3 week stint of not attending school since september(nothing new) this is going back 7 years of laziness.
If you can- try not to care anymore about what the SS's do/dont do- its tough- its really tough not to care or get involved, but it saves your sanity- if your SS are bad/lazy individuals its not your problem. I call DH out on his sons laziness- he says he agrees but his actions say otherwise.
Im sure your DH knows his sons are stunted- again its that whole "dont say it out loud cause its true" dilemma that these guilty daddys dont want to face.
If you can- stop caring, stop criticizing- SSs will eventually get into trouble and DH will see his sons for who they are, it may take a while- but someone other than yourself will tell him, "Dude! Whats up with your sons?"- with a sideways look, only then will you get the vindication youve been waiting for and you wont have to say, "told you so" and look like the bad guy- when really, im guessing you dont want to tbe stuck with adult children-thats my fear.

Yup - no guilty divorced dad

Yup - no guilty divorced dad likes looking in the deep, dark, truthful mirror when it comes to his kids.

This year, I send up several warning flags to DH that one of his children was failing language arts. In a moment of anger, over something not related to education, he angrily accused me of being "too concerned about grades!" Then the week before the end of the term, when SS told him he was getting a D, DH freaked out and wanted me to help SS. Lesson learned, even if DH has said he's concerned about something, never bring it up, because I'm just "being mean".

I wish I had known this up front, because DH always talks a good game about having high expectations, but when it all comes down to it, he's a guilty dad who makes excuses for everything. That and if he ever tries to parent, BM swoops in to tell him he's a terrible father who is making the kids feel bad...thereby piling on more guilt.

hehehehe don't we know

hehehehe don't we know it..... the excuses starts in the early years... but she's only 10/13/15/18...
she will keep her own place clean one day - really if she has no clue what to use to sweep or mop floor with how will she do it?

yes I know all about the excuses excuses... I disengaged, it's the best, if they make a mess, I ignore and walk over it.... SO will know by my posture and look that he needs to jump and clean it or he will be sorry, but I tell the brat nothing, if the brat asks me something I pretend not to hear, yes flat out ignore or a ASK you DAD answer... but never ever tell DH his kids are lazy, useless... he will defend them immediately... cause he already knows it and he does not like the fact that you know it... it hurts his ego..

I was disengaged and then

I was disengaged and then SS20 moved in with us. His freshman year spent living with BFF near campus really spoiled me. I'm trying to disengage again but it's harder since SS20 is around a lot more.

I'm biting my tongue around DH, so tired of being that person - the nag.