I'm exhausted, so taking today for myself. H is being an ass, as usual.
Many of you know my mother fell and broke her hip-and the ankle on the opposite side, 5 weeks ago.
And since then, I've become caregiver for my parents. Dad's stoke of 6 years ago was pretty debilitation. Many times, speech is difficult. He can do a little driving, walk w/assistance of a cane, tho not far and not long.
So, I've been cooking, cleaning, setting appointments, doing the laundry, trying to finish my class and deal with H's messes. And look for a job.
Thru all of this, H actually did help some. When he's here, he cooks-for all of us. Good for him. BUT-and here's the attitude-his comment to me was-it's be cheaper to go rent a place instead of preparing meals for my parents! I was dumbfounded.
In the first place, EVEN if I didn't live in a house that belongs to Mom and Dad, I'd still take care of them.
BUT, living rent free as he has here for the last 11 months, the rent for those 11 months would be at least $4400.00! ($400/mo). And he's resenting the tiny (folks don't eat much at their age) amounts of grocerys this is costing us???!!!
But oh, SD17's having car trouble again. Don't hear anything about what that's going to cost. IMHO she should be paying the repair herself. We pay the insurance, the tags-all she pays is gas to run around-except when she comes here to see her "Daddy". Then he pays her $20.00 to drive 30 miles.
Still no job, still looking, applying, trying. I am very discouraged.
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Oh. My. God.
How can he be so ungrateful? Has he never heard the phrase "don't bite the hand that feeds you?"
WHY DO SOME MEN ACT LIKE THIS??!!
The worst of it is, when his mother and he both lived here
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
he took her meals every single day. And she was not providing him with a home. So again, it's the double standard. Everything for H and his, less than nothing for me and mine.
And that's a problem. A huge, unsurmountable problem.
You know Bewitched
My first H used to do stuff like that to me. He always put his family first, even before me. When I was in the service many years ago, I used to drive home on weekends (I was stationed 4 hours away from home). On one weekend, as soon as I arrived home I get a call from my brother. He was near where I was stationed and tried to call me before I left so he could get a ride home. He was out on the streets, no money, nowhere to stay, don't know how long it had been since he had eaten, it was cold and raining and he was huddled under a canopy at a strip mall just to stay dry. Of course I was going to go and get him...I just couldn't leave him there. My H threw a fit and I finally told him, look...I am going either with or without you, but I AM going. He went with me begrudgingly. We made it back, picked up my brother. I then said I was hungry. We went to an all-night restaurant and me and H ordered. My brother said he was only having coffee. I said nonsense and told the waitress to bring him exactly what I had ordered. He scarfed down every last crumb. Even to this day when I think about that it makes me cry. My H wouldn't have thought twice about doing that if it was HIS family, yet he gave me grief for doing the same thing he would have done.
Yeah, those double standards are hard to fight.
That's why the desperation for work
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I have more resumes out there than trees in a forest. But I'm starting to think that having taken H's last name is hindering me. Horribly. Because of the fact that he was sued shortly after we got married for a bill from 5 years prior, because in the mail there are constnat little "things" that he "forgot" to pay, makes me wonder if he isn't viewed as a deadbeat by the towsfolk, and therefore, I, by association, am viewed the same.
I feel so sick of the situation. My parents aren't perfect, to be sure. Mom is particulary hard to take care of because she's so paranoid about everything. But they remain, my dear sweet parents, and this is their time of need. And I don't need to hear H bitching about the cost of their little meals, while SD17 asks for a $350.00 prom dress. While the IRS is now taking 50% of his wages.
Hope your brother is out of his bad situation. If we can't take care of our loved ones because of our H's, if they can only focus on them and theirs, what is it all for? Nothing.
That was a long time ago
Over 20 years, as a matter of fact. He's such a kind soul...the type that would give you the shirt off his back.
I just don't get some people, how they can just turn their back on others in times of need, especially your family. If your H can't show even a modicum of respect for your parents, how on earth can he expect respect in return?
Why don't you drop his name off your resume?
And when they ask explain you are in the process of ending your marriage.
I was honest about my divorce when I was searching for work and it actually got me a job. The woman who interviewed me had started at my office when she left a bad and destructive marriage. So when I confided that I really needed the job to support my kids we bonded instantly.
If you really think it's holding you back then go for it! Of course it will cost a few more trees, but we'll forgive you for that when you land your new job.
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert
Keep up your strength BW
Sasha is right, these men are ungrateful. H has no right to throw a hissy fit because you are being loyal, caring and considerate of your parents. I would ask him if he wouldn't want SD's to take care of him if he was in need. But, oh wait, then it would be different right?
One can only hope!
He is so unbelieveable
I hope & pray that you get a job soon. Is his last name that recognizable?
Unfortunately, yes. In this little town of less than 5,000
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
his name is known by many. Because he and his mother were the only ones here with that name, and now she's moved. He had a steakhouse here at one time, and then, after leaving for a few years, opened a BBQ place that failed miserably.
Taking a moment
I hear you BW. I took the day off from work today because of all the drama with my FH (even though know resolved) and then my elderly parents where here and it just all hit me at once and I just needed to take a deep breath. Thinking about ya and I hope you find a job soon so you can get that good for nothing man out of your house. BTW - you are a wonderful daughter for all that you do for your parents - yes I know you are living there rent free - but still I can not begin to tell you how many people I know that wouldn't even bother to take time out of their lifes to help their elderly parents. Hang in there and I am sending positive vibes your way. HUGS!
Using my maiden name on my resumes is a great idea.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Think I'll start doing just that. My folks used to have a Ford dealership here-and are well respected.
And having to explain should be no problem.
In my state or county they
In my state or county they have edlerly services where they actually pay you to care for you elderly parents. I would check with your social services in your county--my mom has a meeting with an assement women for my Gramma. My Gramma lives in her own home but needs help cleaning, transprotation, making appts, and light assits with everyday actives. The county will actually pay you to be there care taker so they do not have to enter a nursing home.
Check into it. Call around some of the county services billings.