So excitied yesterday about school-now I'm wondering if I'll make it that long

After discussing with H the costs, etc. again yesterday before I wrote the check for the online classes, I paid for them...with his ok.

So last nite, because I went to the store and bought a few groceries $50.00 worth-and $55.00 of stuff HE told me to buy (gifts, dog chew, etc) he went on another rant.

So I stayed up until 3:00 this morning doing a spread sheet on the expenses last month. Guess what? He spent more than I did on food, extras. And Thankssgiving came out of my funds...so did gifts-cleaning supplies (which he does not pay for at the aprtment), pet food-all of that on my expenses. His expenses were just food for only himself...mine included food when he's here, food when his d's are here.

A real rant. An hour and 1/2 yelling at me. Over money. When the $500.00 check was to a collection agency for one of HIS bills from before we were married. When $1200.00 was repair for his pickup...

So this morning it was another HOUR of listening to him RANT again over his job.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just call the school and cancel my enrollment, and keep looking for a job (if I go to school, there's no way I can meet my expenses. The week before we married he told me to get a newer vehicle-the Jeep. It's $300.00 month-and the loan is in my name as his credit sucks). As it is, if I just go work (when I can find a job), I won't be able to earn enough to keep the Jeep. And his daughter has already torn up my car.

Yep, I've been very very stupid.

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u cant do both?

i dont know the specifics of ur situation and what u are able to do, but can u work at least part time AND do school? i worked full time at a bar at nites while i went to school. u might be able to get a job like that at a restaurant or bar, something where u coudl work PT but still make enough so that u would be earning as if u were working FT but only working part. or just stretch out ur school so that u can do nite classes or PT THERE and work FT. u can make it work, trust me. U HAVE TO.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

One can only hope! Girl,

One can only hope!
Girl, Whatever the school costs, the benefits outweith the costs. Just see it as an investment in your future and as a positive distraction on all the other craziness going on in life....

Loans?

Is it possible to take out a student loan? You said the other day that it hasn't reached the point of you borrowing money from friends and family. Only you can know this for sure, but to me, it sounds like you've reached that point and then some. At the very least can you possibly take out student loans to defray some cost?

I have to tell you, I finished my degree while with my ex. It was really hard, he was not very supportive, and did not even try to understand how hard I was working. Any time he worked late (7:00 pm) I always had some sort of dinner ready or easily made when he came home. When I was in school, I worked full time, then went to class from there, not getting home until almost 10:00 pm, and I could count on one hand the number of times that man stopped looking at porn on MY computer long enough to even CONSIDER dinner for me, though he usually took perfectly good care of himself.

Just one small, small example of what it's like to be in school without support. from all you've said about H, I wouldn't be surprised if he and his witches sabotaged you, or at the very least, he used this as one more thing to hang over your head.

Please don't blame yourself for all this. You were not stupid, you were hopeful, and you believed in a person who is undeserving of your love. You believed the man who courted you would be the same man when you married him, and you were betrayed when that proved not to be the case. You are absolutely doing the right thing, focusing on what's next, don't let the past or blame cloud the issue.

You can do it!!!!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

He's "raining on your parade", BW

And you can't let him.

I echo what's been said above. Why can't you do BOTH? I also work fulltime (I actually have TWO jobs) and I'm also finishing up a second masters.
(Works for ME because all those hours I'm NOT home,
"Daddy" can yak on the phone with his girlies...although AMAZINGLY they really don't call
daddy too much any more....)

He's TERRIFIED that you're gonna IMPROVE yourself and probably MEET NEW PEOPLE. He'll fight tooth and nail to prevent that; don't you think he likes keeping you in this situation? He's TOTALLY IN COMMAND, and that BLOWZ!

Another thing, next time he goes on a rant, HANG UP ON HIS BUTT. I'd never put up with that. Who da hell is HE to rant at YOU?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

You've made some great suggestions-and I was still hoping to

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

find part-time work and take these online classes, at least until fall. I'm still hoping for the part-time job I interviewed for last week to come thru.

If I was even still in my 30's or early 40's, I could probably do the online classes at least with full time work...but not now, not with what I've been doing...time does take it's toll. And I don't even want to think of failing a class - they warned me at the school that this first course I signed up for is very difficult...requires alot of home study.

There are no night classes here-it's these two courses -A&P & MT that are online-the rest is full time student...and involves travel after the second semester, to work in hospitals in the area, for on the job training-unpaid, of course.

Guess I'll just keep looking for part-time-surely something will open up after Christmas...then see what type of student loans I can get.

I'm just so sick of the pressure, pressure, pressure from him every day. Every single day.

And hanging up on him doesn't help...he just keeps redailing over and over and over again so he can rave at me some more. I know. I've tried it.

Thanks for your suggestions...I will find a solution...maybe the pilot will be available to help...

stay positive bw

I got my degree when I was 39 ..I will be paying for it thru loans for the next 30 yrs but ya know what I am ok with that.
I am educated and self sufficent and I know you will be too.
just remember you have value!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

oops

to finish I am now 44!!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

SarahB-you're just a kid to me!

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Actually, as you've done this and I never have-could you take the time to answer a few questions?

For instance, the cost the school figures of schooling alone is $5,000.00 per year. This is a two year program, so $10,000.00.

IF I end up being single, thru this time, can you get financial aide to help with living costs during the time you're going to school? I've never been in this position. When my son went to school (here at this college) he lived here with me, so his student loans were only for the cost of school. Can you clue me in on how that works? Hate to sound dumb, but I have no clue. Worked all my life...without aid for anything..

I'm doing this right now, and so is my sis.

We're both paying our way through school with student loans. I'm going to night school for paralegal and work full time. She's in pharmacy school so she's unable to work. School is her job. You can get enough financial aid to pay for living expenses and school. They will figure what you will receive based on your income. Most times, they give you WAY more money than what it costs to go to school, so that you WILL have money to live on, and they break it up into 2 disbursements a year (1 a semester), or 3 if you go to summer school. If you're single, you will have a better shot at getting more aid. Since you're married, you might have to rely on using your H's income when filling out the forms. That I'm not too sure about. You will need to talk to your financial aid office.

student loans and even grants

BW, you need to contact the school's financial aid office and find out what is available to you. And don't settle for their first answer, as schools tend to not always hire the brightest people in that department for some reason (I have been through 4 schools-all the same). It takes time and determination to get the info in order, and make sure you get the right answers. But there is a LOT available for a single woman in order to get an education. Just have to look!!!

I did this, worked full time and went to school, it was hard, but well worth it!!

There is never a perfect

There is never a perfect time to do anything. If we wait for that time we will never take the risk and just do it. Please don't give up on this! The two years will go by so fast and you will find a way to make it work. There are lots of school loan/govt. aid available for students. You will have to fill out a FASFA application and then they will tell you how much aid they will give you, then you take out loans for the rest, plus loans to cover whatever expenses you have that you can't pay for.
People do this all of the time!
I work at a school, and have been through many different secondary edu. programs, so I know that this is possible.
Your H is yelling at you b/c he is the one that is out of control with his finances... it is obviously easier to externalize it than to own up. Tell him when he is ready to talk about it in a constructive productive way, that you would be glad to discuss it, but until then you won't sit there and be yelled at.
Let us know how it all goes!

I think H may have set a new record today-

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

153 minutes. On the telephone. Screaming at me. Over money. When he's the one who is spending it like water!

I've always maintained excellent credit-even when I was working at poverty wages and raising my son. He on the other hand always made good money but never paid his bills-wasted it-fancy cars, trips, and of course the best of the best for himself and his darlings.

That's almost 3 hours of his yelling, screaming. I would think that qualifies as abusive, doesn't it? Oh, and there's no hanging up on him. Believe me, that pushes his rages even worse.

Wow. 3 hours. Again. Betcha all wish you had my life, huh?
o

You know what it's all about don't you?

He's a controlling man. I can tell from what you say that he wants to make sure he has you under his thumb. This school thing lets him know that you are YOUR OWN WOMAN. Not just his. You may be his, but you are yours to. And he's realized that if you get out and open your eyes to the real world, you'll get a taste of what normal people are like and you won't ever let him mind screw you again. He knows it, and we know it! That's why we all root for you to go to school but he'll try everything possible to make sure you don't.

If you decide it's best not to go right now for peace of mind, I wouldn't blame you. But please promise yourself that once you are out of this ridiculous situation you will take out some loans, get some grants, and take your little self to school!! Don't let him ruin this dream for you to.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Jen-I am going to take this course-

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

I've signed up for it, paid for it, I'm taking it. Its a prereq for the Respriatory Therapy program, also for the LPN program I looked at earlier.

Thing is, we agreed (he and I) over a month ago this should be done. I called him yesterday morning to tell him I have to pay for this today...classes start in January. I check with him THREE times before I went to the school and handed them the check.

I no more than got home when his screaming started...how I sprang it on him, how it was too fast how he had NO IDEA I'd have to pay for it. WTF? I told him the cost-over a month ago. I told him how much the check had to be for BEFORE I wrote it-before I signed up. He agreed. Now this.

I might not be able to go in the fall-but he's not keeping me from giving it all I've got now.

I just don't know if I can take the constant mental ambushes from him long enough to complete anything.