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Trying Something New....

Bianca29's picture

So SD8 is a little liar...no other way to go about it. She lies about everything, if her mouth is moving, she's lying!
She has been grounded for it, first an afternoon, then a day, then 3 days, then a week. Didn't work. So she had her whole bedroom stripped, nothing but her bed and clothes left. I made her write lines till her hand hurt, I will not lie! Then I tore up the pages infront of her. This worked for me when I was a kid and got caught stealing from a store. I even tried a lie jar, $10 a lie. I made $50! Nothing is getting through to this kid.

We had one whole week, I thought everything was getting better. She seemed to be catching on. She also has problems with listening, being rude and snotty especially to my kids. They still love her and want to play with her which amazes me. She does everything she can do to get them in trouble. I have had my oldest cover for her when she hurt him but who's the first one running up and tattling when my kids look at her funny??! She is also the brain deadest kid I have ever met. My kids forget stuff, do silly things. But her, it's on a daily basis. She either says something totally stupid or asks the stupidest questions! I have told her multiple times which side of her dresser is school clothes and which side is weekend clothes and almost every day she comes up dressed in the wrong clothes! I get so frustrated with this kid!

Anyways, back to last week. I go to pick up her and my oldest boy from their daycamp and one of the girls pulls me aside and tells me that SD has been throwing out her sandwich everyday. They've been trying all week to figure out who's been doing this and they finally caught her. I had to hold my tongue to stop from snapping at her right there. Not only was she deceiving me and getting me to think she had eaten her sandwich but now she was wasting food. And she KNOWS how I feel about that. The kids know that wasting food is a big no no. There are too many kids going without and they are lucky then get a lunch everyday. So we had a big blow up about that. Her dad was beyond pissed. He has really stepped up lately and has started to plug in so that has gotten way easier. She sees now that it's us against her not her and him against me!

So we ground her, she's cut off, she's writing lines, the whole nine yards. Then two nights ago she tells my boyfriend that she wonders why she's even here. If she's such a bad person and she can't stop lying, then why is she even alive? Well, this does make me feel bad for sure. She annoys the shit out of me but I don't want her to feel bad about herself. So we talk it out. Maybe we are doing everything wrong...maybe she needs a fresh start. She can't gain our trust back since we never believe anything she says and she keeps lying cause maybe we labelled her that way and now she believes it? I don't know...part of me feels like we are rewarding her for doing nothing but another part of me is willing to try anything to get her to stop! We tell her, we're wiping the slate clean, you know have everything back, you have our trust, now keep it!

So today I pick her up. I ask right away if she ate her sandwich or if she threw it out. She tells me she ate it and I say okay I believe you. Then she says but I threw away the meat because I don't like it. Aaaarrggg!! It was everything in me not to snap, I had to literally bite my tongue! So I swallow it down. Ok, thank you for telling me the truth but when we say we don't want you to waste food, we mean all of it. Instead of throwing away things I've been sending in your lunch for how long, just tell me you don't like it. She says ok. I told my boyfriend, he congratulates me for holding it together...lol. We had a talk with her together and I think it went well. I guess she at least admitted it and was more willing to because we said as long as she told the truth, anger would be off the table. Maybe this will work....

Comments

Annanymous's picture

My SD12 frustrated/s me with her lying too, for years now. We go easy on her if she is honest and we double the consequence if she lied. She still lies most of the time and about everything, even really stupid petty small stuff.

I found that it is that they want to do what they want and they are lying to get away with it and not get in trouble AND to save face AND to gain attention and/or praise from the parent. I got to where you are where I told her I didnt trust her, but I could tell it made her feel bad about herself, so I decided to act like i trust her and just check up on her every move and call her out when i have to.

She wants you to say "yay good job eating the sandwich" even if she threw out the meat. Mine did something just like that.

Looking back, if I really think about it, I lied to my mom between 7-now har har har

B22S22's picture

My DS12 went thru a period of lying about EVERYTHING. It was exhausting! Thing was, he knew I would check up on him but it didn't matter (for instance, asking the teacher if there was homework with DS12 standing right there even though he had just told me there wasn't and knew the teacher would say yes).

And right around the age of your SD, he said the same thing... that he wasn't a good person because he lied and got caught all the time. Yup, broke my heart to hear him say it, but it was a step in the right direction because he admitted to the lying. Which meant he knew he was lying. So I pointed out that when he lies, he also knows the truth. But he makes a conscious decision to tell the lie instead of the truth so he DOES have the ability to control what comes out of his mouth.

I would praise him when he told the truth, even if it was something I really didn't want to hear. I couldn't always guarantee he wouldn't get punished for whatever he did, but it was lessened by the fact that he was truthful about it.

Bianca29's picture

Yep, sounds like good advice ladies and so far I think this could work. And yes, there are major things going on with her at her mom's house. Basically she is left to herself. Her mom sleeps in and she watches tv. She has told both of us this. Her mom has called her names like stupid and bitch. So, she's already feeling bad about herself then she comes here and was basically just trying to get through the day. She lies to her mom so she won't get yelled at. I understand that. I just though a grounding would cure her. One was all my oldest son needed but he also has been raised in a household with consistent discipline and a parent that puts his needs first. My boyfriend fully admits that he was screwing her up just as bad as BM until I cam along. I would hate to see what SD would be like it I wouldn't of given her dad a chance!