:? :?
I have been with my partner for 5yrs nearly.. I love her dearly and know that I'd love to spend the rest of my life with her. But the problem is and has been from day one is her children. She has 2 girls from a previous marriage 9 and 7 (4 and 2 when we met) which are uncontrollable. Its 24/7 too. They are the naughtiest, most disrespectful kids I've ever come across. From 1st thing in the morning to last thing at night (and I mean last thing at night!!). The 7yr old can't and won't dress herself properly, she just says she's 'unable' to, to which my partner gives in and helps her just to 'avoid' arguments which is the routine thing to do in our house by the way. She's always giving in to them to avoid commotion. The girls are whiney and whinge 'maaaam' all day for the least of things. Too lazy to do things on their own, simple things like find a towel when they need a shower (which they have to be supervised whilst doing because they cant be trusted), put a pair of shoes on, find their coats (which are ALWAYS hanging up on the hooks cos I always have to hang them there!). Constant fighting between each other which often involves overreacting and screaming because one or the other has 'hit' the other (I've witnessed the 'hitting' and to be fair it's never more than a tap, but the tears flow.. oh do they flow!). Bedtimes are such a chore too. Guaranteed each one will get out of bed at least 3times for the most trivial of things (Mam, I've lost my hot water bottle! WHAT!!?? HOW? Genuine). They lie, they tantrum over the smallest of things (playing board games has stopped because they can't handle losing or handing money over or losing a piece if it's in the rules, etc..), they also cheat, they're selfish, they tell on each other for the littlest of things which will escalate then become a lie just to get the other in trouble. There has NEVER been a day when we haven't had to seperate them. We've tried behaviour charts, rewards, a dip in the golden box (a box of treats) if they're good but nothing works. Days out are a chore and the 3 holidays we've had were impossible. We were the talk of the camp on the last holiday. So embarrassing.
This may sound petty on my behalf because I realise they are children but in comparison to friends children and family nieces, nephews and cousins they are without a doubt the worst behaved children I've encountered.
I moved in after a year of being together thinking that it may bond us more, at 1st nothing changed but then the youngest started to take a bit but it didn't last. I've stuck around because I wanted it to work so much, we even got engaged on our 2nd Christmas (I wanted to show her my commitment to them all), but sadly things never bettered. We even talked of having our own child together because it's something I've always dreamed of and yes I know it's the last thing we should have been talking about (because of her 2 girls being so hard to handle) but we love each other that much it's what we wanted.
So we tried. For 2 and a half years but nothing. Eventually time went on, girls got worse and we both started to argue constantly over them (we never argued about anything else). The last 6 months were so bad that the stress built up and we had just the worse day ever, and the result of that day was that I moved out and we parted.
I had been toying with the idea to leave for a few months prior but didn't want to lose my partner and deep inside I was hoping that one day the girls would finally give in and give us a break. But after a week after our split I was happy. I realised I needed it more than I thought. There was no arguing, no shouting, no stress. Just peace and quiet and I had my independence back. I was doing what I wanted to do again and it felt good. And although I missed my partner the absence of her girls levelled it up (horrible to say I know, but that's how I felt).
Then I had a phone call from her. She was pregnant. I just didn't know what to do. I was so happy but also distraught at the timing of it all. We contacted the doctors and run the procedures, scans etc.. She's 16wks now and all is going great with the pregnancy but things are at an all time low with her girls. We're trying our hardest to work at it but it's a constant battle. We really thought the news of a baby may help things a little bit but they don't care. We've explained that mammy needs to be stress free and that they need to help by being good and being nice to each other, but to no avail.
Now that I've felt that freedom from the short break it's making the relationship seem all more terrible and I just can't get it out of my head how good it felt not to be there. I know that what has happened is something we have to deal with and I will be there for my partner and the baby 24/7 but I can't bond with her girls no matter how much I try, and I've also thought of how will I be when the baby arrives. Will I just neglect them because of favouritsm for my own child? That's the last thing I would ever want to do but it's a likely situation that could happen. I don't know what to do and I need advice. All I know is that if the pregnancy didn't happen I wouldn't be here (I have to add that in no way am I gutted about the pregnancy, I'm overjoyed, but I'm just stating the facts ). Please send your advice.
Thanks.