I don't get it... Many of us dont
Ok, this is in reply to the blog "lieing is it a phase?"
Someone please please explain why all these parents are sooooo f-Ed up???
There can be an excuse, reason, justification for anything and everything we all do. BUT why do soooo many bios think being kind and warm and nice will get them ANYWHERE with children?? Children are like attack dogs, they can sense weakness
My bios are CODs, their BF is an asshat. I have an RO against him for DV. Still will tell my children when I hear them being disrespectful on the phone with him, don't talk to adults like that I raised you better, only rule I have placed for them with BF visitation is tell the truth. They did play both sides for a while, BS is playing Bf like a fool right now. I tell my bios you can NOT change your dad, but you can make sure your clean. You can stop playing the game, stop giving him what he wants (he does and has since BS was 2 and I tried to leave the first time guilt them with im all alone and mom is trying to take you away, I have countered with just shut your mouth about me, stop the games, stop dragging OUR children into OUR bull and you wouldn't have to guilt them to cover for you)
My kids learned very quickly, mom WILL ground you for lieing to dad, mom WILL take your crap it you are disrespectful to ANYONE, mom will stop trusting you if you cover for anyone (yes, myself in clued).
I don't want spoiled CODs I want respectable members of society
Why??? Why???? Is the divorce an excuse?? The kids are as ok with it as you let them be. They will feed of how you feel. I have always been the "default parent" ALWAYS. I have always made sure my kids know, it is ok to love BF and not like behavior, it is ok to love me (BM) and not like my behavior. I will allow them to call me out on violating my own rules. How can I expect respect if it is do as I say not as I do????
Smoking for example... I smoke. I never sat them down and acted like I didnt. I have shown them how freaking hard it is to quit, told them please, be smarter then mom, learn from me.... Don't start.
We have to remember these are little PEOPLE.
I'm having a very hard time putting it all into words as I'm sooo sick of BF and the games... And the games every one on here has to deal with.
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"I think labelling these kids
"I think labelling these kids as victims and giving them excuses is the worst thing a parent could do."
^^^This^^^
Same here. And I'm a better
Same here. And I'm a better person for it.
Yeh, my children are NOT
Yeh, my children are NOT victims. They never will be!!!!! My BM was a single mother and still is a professional victim. Maybe that has something to do with my refusal to let them be victims. DD has a learning disability. She is NOT a victim, she just has to work harder. She has a speech issue been in therapy since kindergarten NOT a victim. Her list is long of possible excuses. Doesn't fly with me. I couldn't set a grade standard for her, so I set an effort standard. She has to be a part of all classroom discussions... And so on.
DS is OCD/ADHD and possibly Aspergers. He was just referred to get tested. NOT a victim.
And of course both are CODs. NOT freaking victims.
I have told them since they were 2... I will be your friend when your 22 and graduated college... Until then I know if you don't "like" me... I'm doing my job. They are not always thrilled about chores and rules but they know they will do them.
Our children are selfish. They are born that way... Our job is to teach them better.
My DS tests at a gifted level... And I tell him he is smart but has a lot of wisdom to learn.
I told both bios after DD came home in 1st grade crying some girl made fun of her shirt. ... There will always be someone smarter, prettier, funnier, with more money, more clothes, more friends..... Who cares??? Do you like your shirt??? Her answer yes, and that day I started getting them to understand it is all about how we feel about ourselves and others. We as people can not compare... DD sees that clearly with BS he is "smarter" and can speak clearer... She is nicer and can get along with other people better. I have shown them everyone has a place in this world. DD was put here to make me a softer person.... bS was put here to give me patients. They were given each other to appreciate the positive of who they are and what comes easy to them... And to learn from each other on what doesn't come so easy.