I don't know if I can handle this
DH has been raising and has gardenship of SD11. She is actually is step-daughter from his first marriages daughter. The only connection to him... His actually DD25 is her half Aunt. He also had gardenship of his ex-SD28.
Lots of reasons SD28 gave DH gardenship. But she has wanted her DD back for 2 years. Only didn't take DH to court because she knew it would cost her the only dad she has ever had. DH guilt parented SGD11. Not only that but really has the knight in shining armor thing going on with her. Hero to the rescue.
Anyways after a sh!t storm in our house caused by SGD11for a long time, DH is have SGD11 stay with SD28 (her actual mom) he is working towards having it permeant.
He thought, I thought it would solve so many problems. SD28 is not and has not been welcome in our home for over a year. Yesterday, no discussion with me even though we are in counseling working on being a team, he let SD28 in the house to get SGD11 stuff. I brought up today to him when did this become ok? Without a word, he just let it happen. His response to me? Since he sent SGD11 to live over there. The only reason SD28 wasn't allowed in was SGD11. Umm, no. I don't want her in my home or around my children. He processed to tell me I was being insensitive. He set SGD11 back to her moms for me. He has given so much maybe I should give alittle.
Yesterday when SGD11 and SD28 were here he also gave SD28 $40. No discussion, nothing just did it.
Tonight he informs me SGD11 has school pictures next week and he told SD and SGD he would go with them on Monday to get her a nice outfit for pictures. I asked what is wrong with her brand new school clothes? Like what my DD11 wore for school pictures? Well he just wants SGD11 to have a nice outfit and it is something he is doing.
I for see major issues coming. DH sent SGD back to her mom where I believe she belongs. Now the money is going to slip out the door. Things we don't do for the kids normally are going to be fine because he wants to do something for SGD. SD once again has DH on a string. And she is going to pull and pull and pull.
It is going to cause problems because any issue I have from here on out, he is going to counter with he gave SGD back to her mom for me. I need to give.
Well, SGD is not his kid. SD is not his kid. He should have sent SGD back as soon as SD wanted her.
I gave his actual DD some advice he didn't agree with. And he went off. Straight out told me it was partially that I have her the advice and partially that he didn't agree with it. She is HIS kid and he can do what he wants. I would do the same if he gave advice to my kids I didn't agree with. His DD is 25.
In TWO days he has deregarded an agreement we have had in place for over a year and let SD28 in the door.
Gave SD28 money
Made plans to go shopping with SGD and SD even though we just bought school clothes. It was good enough for my DD but not SGD.
Blown up over SD25 and gave her money we didn't have
Tried to get a TV back from SD25 we let her borrow to give to SD28 for SGD to have in her room at SD28 house. Even though we don't let kids have TVs in their rooms
Went from no SGD is not getting her kindle back ever, to Ill give SD28 my old kindle and let her do with it as she pleases.
I have a very bad feeling this is the beginning. And it will NOT end well.
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It is. It is TOO much for two
It is. It is TOO much for two days. I feel at the end of my rope.
I don't know how much longer I can make it
The amazing thing in all this
The amazing thing in all this is he will tell me it is me. I have provoked SGD. That is why she has physically attacked me. She was 8&9 while doing this. But of course, my fault. I don't want to be around his SD and SGD. They are self fish, manipulative brats that take advantage of him. His actual DD??? Her and I get alone great. She calls me her mom. She tells all her friends I'm her mom. Love her as a person and as family. My DD11 & DS9 love him. Only his ex SD and SGD are a problem.
Sally, if you read the OP's
Sally, if you read the OP's bio you'll find the OP's two bio-children are not her current DHs. Her two children have their own birth father. The only child who biologically belongs to OP's DH in her blog is DD25. Also in your comment you state 'your money' (meaning the OP's), the OP has not stated whether a dime of the cash is or was her personal money...only indicated the DH purchased or helped financially purchase OP's bio-kids school clothing.
Depending on how the guardianship papers are written up for DH to have/support/raise the 11yr old little girl that is being called SGD11, it very well may be his responsibility to financially support the child. The giving back to the original mother is not complete (OP states it is not yet permanent). Also if this original mother has not had the child, she very well may not have anything except the handful of new school clothes to get the kiddo going in her new home.
I'm not going to suggest this OP slap her OP and toss hissy fits over a simple $40 and a nice outfit, nor call it trying to buy love. I see what this DH/father as doing is simply trying to help the transition go smoothly and assuring the little girl he isn't abandoning her. Whether the OP sees it as such or not, a court gave this child to the OP's DH to raise, support and care for and he has been doing so for many years. I can't fault the man for stepping up for this kid when no one else could or would...I'm sure he considers this girl more as his 'family' and his responsibility financially than he does his 2 skids that belong to his current wife. The guardianship child he has been responsible legally, the skids belonging to OP, not at all. The two bio-kids of OP are her ex and OP's 'job' to raise and support.
Just a different take on the situation.
OP has a 9 and 11yr old by
OP has a 9 and 11yr old by her ex. Dh has one biological child, DD25, and he has a SD28 (who he raised) and he legally accepted guardianship of SD28's child, the being called here SGD11.
Yeah, it got twisting in there, for sure as to who belongs to who. But the rant about school clothing was about OP's own bio-kids (not her DH's bio kids but his skids through marriage to her) and his non-biological 11yr old stepgranddaughter who he has legal guardianship of. When a person is given legal guardianship it really is not just 'stepping in' in for a few years. There's different types of guardianship and OP does not specify, but I get the impression the SD28 (who OP's DH raised) legally relinquished custody in the court to her stepfather (Op's husband).
Oh I agree that adults should
Oh I agree that adults should be paying their own way But than why give DD25 a tv to begin with? OP has been with this guy 4yrs. DD25 was an adult when given the tv by her father. He's asked for it back (he probably feels she can buy her own as an adult), not to give to SD28, but to give to SGD11 in her bedroom. It's not going in SD28's livingroom for SD28's use. It's for the child.
I think where the OP is going to run into trouble with her DH is the way she ranted this. She said the clothing bought for school for her bios and picture day usage should be good enough for SGD11 to also wear. DH instead plans on going shopping with SGD11 to get a special out. OP's has to be careful on this...her bios that were the new school clothing are not DH's kids, they are her kids. But he has been financially responsible legally for the SGD11. If OP wanted her kids to have special picture outfits that was up to her to provide, not 'we'. She could have purchased special ones herself or asked their bio dad for cash for special outfits. I don't (IMO) believe she can get angry over her DH spending cash on SGD11. Same with the tv going to the SGD11 at her bio-mom's or the kindle.
Just because she does not allow her bio's to have TV's in their bedroom's at her house does not mean she should get her panties in a knot if he gives SGD11 a tv at her new house. What SGD has or gets or gets to do in her new home back with her biological mother is really now none of OP's business (unless it is truly OP's personal money financing it). How many SM's here do we read about that are told it's not her responsibility to finance her skids? Plenty. How many times do we read grandparents favor their 'own' grandkids over the skid grandkids? Plenty. And the advise is 'that's ok. To this gentleman SGD11 is his grandchild (even if not by blood) he took her in and has deemed her his grandchild.
What he does for his adult real bio daughter (DD25) vs SD28 (an adult child he raised as his own for any many years) is up to him. Just because one of them gets along with the OP and one does not does not give the OP to appoint what her DH can do with his children. Because, yes, both girls are his children...he chose the one to raise as his own and I doubt he loves her any less or more than her biological one. Op doesn't get to decide for her DH who he deems his children, who he will love and who he will supply or not supply for.
It's just my opinion. Doesn't make me right or wrong. But I picked up resent from the OP that her DH is doing things for his 'other family' (as is so commonly called here) that he isn't doing for OP's bio children. The OP's bio child are not his, They are skids. Again, how many SM's here purchase things for their bio child (either the ones she's had with her DH or from previous relationship) but not for her skids. OP's Dh doesn't consider the oldest female a 'skid' nor the granddaughter a SGD. He considers them his family. OP has got to deal with this. They be no bodies and 'not related' in OP's thinking, but they are not in DH's thinking.
Oh, perfectly correct about
Oh, perfectly correct about passing out money. Not one dime out of a joint account especially without discussion. My DH and I have several accounts. One is strictly mine, one is strictly his. What he does with his own personal account is his business. But the 'our' money/account he wouldn't think of doling out to kids or making unannounced pre-discussed purchases. That account is 'our' money for bills, vacations, spending together.
My adult SS asked his father if 'we' would co-sign on a mortgage loan :O . Bwahahahaha, yeah right, kiddo. No way.
The frustration I have is
The frustration I have is simple. DH is now doing things for SGD that we wouldn't do if she was still here. We just spent $400 on school clothes for SGD. She has been at SD for a week and did take all of her clothes.
We have been in counseling and are working on being a team. Working on communication. Working on having house rules, not doing anything behind the others back.
This is being applied to my bios. But DH is still not doing it wil SGD or SD. He is doing whatever he wants.
Rules for my bios are what we have agreed to. SGD and SD he is doing whatever he wants.
He mad the desicion to send SGD back to her moms without one word to me, but know what's to hold it over my head. Last time SD had SGD DH was paying her rent, her food, her electric, everything. And it is clear SD has those strings again.
He is blaming me. Truth?? SGD
He is blaming me. Truth?? SGD is like most SD on here. Mini-wife. Disrespectful, rude. Does nothing around our house even though we agreed to kids have chores. Plus she has RADs and has been physically abusive with me multiple times. She is a tornado.
DH sent her to live with her mom because SGD has no respect for DH or me. She does respect SD. SGD wants to be with her mom.
DH sent her because he is unwilling to punish her for horrible behavior.