sole legal custody
This blog will not be up long but I have a question for you all as a BM.
Kids hAve strep. They are on medicine and will be leaving for their dad's for a week. They may have mono but doc is treating the strep first and if they aren't doing better by the 30th they will the blood test for mono.
I have sole legal custody. I emailed dad and explained all this. His response was if need be he will take them to the base doc. My response was
Their doctor is not on base please email me if they end up needing to go to the doctor. Thanks
That sentence as all that was in my email. He responds back with everything I do wrong according to him, how if they need medical attention he is not waiting on a response from me (I doubt any base appointment is going to be without wait) the whole reason behind me saying contact me is on he has no medical power over them, and two I can call their doctor that already has a plan explain what is going on and see if he still wants to wait on the testing. Like normal this falls apart into me reminding him he has no legal custody, they have had the same dentist since 2008, same medical doctor since 2010 (we were still together during these time periods) and they use one of two urgent cares. How many times does he need to be told who their docs as before he actually remembered???
The thing I hate the most is BF and BMs like this can say anything they want and we can't do anything until they actually break court order.
Last email from BF say you will not dictate what I do with my kids while they're with me. You don't wan to tell me what doctor they go to fine, I'll do what I have to.
One he never asked who their doc is just started in on I've never told him. Two, how hard is it to be a civil human being? Call the insurance they will tell you who the doc is.
Or just stop acting like you have an opinion in this. It doesn't matter what you think you should b able to do. Court says you have no legal custody.
Sorry I'm rambling.
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It sounds like you've done
It sounds like you've done the right thing and provided him with all the insurance & doctor info. Now it's on him to remember it. Maybe you could also quickly email it to a trustworthy family member of his if he has family living near him, so if anything happens, they can help out too. I don't know if you're on speaking terms with them but if you are, you could try this. You might also want to google "Our Family Wizard." It's software that helps divorced parents communicate over issues like this.
He sounds like an annoying $hit stirrer. Maybe he is a relation to a crazy BM. I think you should politely tell him that if he wants things to change, then he should take you to court. Until then, if you've given him the info he needs, it's not on you to hold his hand.
wait a minute, does this
wait a minute, does this father have legal visitation because if he does I would think that he has every legal right to seek medical assistance due to illness
when the children are with him and frankly, he is doing what is responsible. (unlike our BM who refuses medical treatment for sd's)
your using the terms full legal custody do you mean primary residency, dont confuse the two and noone should be answering this until you tell us what your court order really says.
i dont think you can stop a man who has visitation of his childen from seeking medical professionals in the event that he has the children in his care
To answer all the
To answer all the questions... Hopefully
I have sole legal custody. We have joint physical. Not confusing the two at all.
Doctor and I have a treatment plan in place. Treat the strep, see if they are better, if not on the 30th do blood work for mono. Meds will be going to dads with kids of course. Dad has no legal medical decision making power. He wants to take them to base while they are with him to see those doctors rather then their doctor. I asked dad to email if it looks like they need to go back to the doctor before they come home so I can call doctor and see if he wants to test sooner or just stick to the plan. Dad's response is I can't tell him what to do.
Other than calling 911, dad has no more medical power over the children than a babysitter. It is the way it is.
That is EXACTLY what I was
That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say to him. If something comes up email me and I'll call their doctor. Base is not their doctor who has records or who they know. But like everything else under the sun this has to become a you cant tell me what to do conversation.
That is my frustration. Who wants to go to a new doc??? It's scarey for adults. And who would want to take their kids to a doc that doesn't have their medical records???????
If it were me in this
If it were me in this situation, and if I considered this a big issue, I would call the hospital or family medical clinic and explain the situation. Ask for the fax number to the appropriate office and fax them enough of a copy of the CO for them to see that dad has no legal medical decision making power. Ask them to call you if the child shows up there with dad so that you can make the appropriate medical decision which may be for them to go ahead and treat or may be to stick to the original plan.
If you really are the sole, CO-ed medical decision maker, military will honor that.
I also have an RO against him
I also have an RO against him and he is legally not allowed my address.
He is military. Base didn't
He is military. Base didn't have any peds docs for awhile so they sent the children to local docs. Base is 45 mins away childrens normal doctor is 10 mins from both our houses. Many military bases will allow you to set up an off base PCM no matter what and it is just like taking them on base.
As far as making him pay more?!??! HA he is $9,000 in arrears in child support and has paid one dental bill in 4 years. I pay everything else.
IMO it would have perhaps
IMO it would have perhaps went better to just politely email with what's going on with the kids, the med directions, and the name, number and address of the dr used. Including also a one week permission letter to allow ex to bring the children to said dr/place for treatment of said condition...you could have also asked that ex call/text you and notify you if he actually takes the kids in.
They have strep, possible mono. It's not like ex is taking them and making huge medical decisions in place of you. Your authorizing him to take kids in the see their dr who is already treating them for said condition. The additional test would be blood and culture (did dr do a swab test for the strep?).
I would think if you could trust the ex to care for kids for a weeks visitation, surely you could trust him to drive kids to dr. I'd be more worried about ex being incapable of caring for the sick children by himself (if you think he's unfit) or the possibility he wouldn't seek medical attention for them at all if you make this a hardship or pull a superiority hang-up on him.
I have two views on this. One
I have two views on this. One side of me agrees with you. The other "mom" side does not. I will try to explain why. My daughter goes into full blown panic attacks over needles. It is really scary. She has hyperventilated to the point of passing out. "Mom" side of me says do whatever while avoiding needles if we can. I know it might be necessary to do the blood work, but since we had a positive strep test lets treat that first.