I can tell you what she vents about to mutual friends that have told us about it. Her biggest problem is that she feels DH loves me more then their child. She also has a problem with the fact that SHE THINKS DH does not spend enough one on one time with SS when he is with us. In other words she doesn't want me around during their visitation. She would be perfectly fine if DH and I followed all her rules, fed him her choice of foods and did everything she said when she said to do it. After all she is his mother, she knows best and as she has stated "they are not mentally capable of taking care of him." So that is what she vents about besides rehashing everything she thinks DH did wrong in the marriage, which she can't seem to get over.

I truly don't have anything to gripe about on the Bio front. We have been divorced for over 7 years, and you know ladies this is why I feel that IF you (any BIO) provides closure and are not harboring any "I'll get even with him" thoughts, this is why it is easier and better after divorce. I am not a nuisance in my exes life, I don't come to reunions, spend holidays with him or his family, call him everday to discuss our kids latest minute episode, I don't FREAKING care about what he does from sun up to sun down AS LONG as when my girls are in his care they are FINE!
No 2 people who are married and live in the same house will ever parent the exact same way, so WHY do MOST BM's feel that after divorce that the only way to parent is their way or the highway? As long as no physical harm is being done to our girls, I am happy. Of course I don't LIKE everything my Ex Husband does for and with the girls while they are in his care, BUT he isn't harming them. I don't like it that they eat late at night, that he pretty much let's them do what they want with no restrictions, that in my opinion he spends wayyyyyy tooooooo much $$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$$$ on buying them gadgets and designer clothes, that in my opinion are too expensive BUT in the end no harm is being done to the girls, so I let it be and I love seeing their happy faces as they are coming and going to Dad's. So as I said although I am a BM the difference is, I don't choose to make my exes life miserable.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

It's funny, but I don't really ever think about my ex or care what he is doing. My only reason for talking with him is regarding our kids. Otherwise we really don't have too much to say. I stiill consider him a friend and we get along fine. So why is it that I worry when my DH is friendly with his ex?? if I can get along with mine and not EVER think of going back, why can't I be comfortable with him doing the same? Insecurities?? Does any one else feel like this? I get all green-eyed monster inside. I don't complain to him but it bugs me.

Here's what I hear when my skids' mom goes on a rant...

1. These kids have issues and you have no idea!
2. You guys have no clue!
3. You don't know how much money it takes to support a child! (Apparently, it takes her about $400 per month per child more than it takes us.)
4. You have no right!

We get "you have no clue" and "you have no right" so much that I hope she has it etched on her tombstone.

The things she complains about are usually the things that SHE causes...

1. We don't take the kids enough. (Hello, she's the one denying visitation!)
2. He doesn't talk to them on the phone enough. (Try answering it when it rings and he'll talk till he turns purple.)
3. They need money. (Honey, you're already getting every dime we have.)
4. They've been replaced by your "new" children and your "new" family. (No, you just won't let them participate and claim their own spots in our family.)

Bottom line is that she just doesn't want DH to be in their lives anymore. She moved away and remarried and she just wants the check and no contact. She also doesn't like it when I mother them too much. I guess it makes her look bad. Sigh.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

I also NEVER call my daughter while she is at her dad's (my exes.) I firmly believe that he and his wife are entitled to have her all to themselves on those weekends without my interfering. Am I a bad mother for not having to speak with my 12 year old everyday?????

Yet, my DH's ex will call the kids cell phones (they are teens) to just chat about nothing. I don't let it bother me anymore but she's so pathetic in the sense that she just can't allow them to have one day without her. It's like "mom" is always here with us too. I hate that.

And Georgie Girl: I feel similar to you....I think it's just a territorial woman thing. We know ourselves with our exes but we don't know another woman's motive. Lately I have just been giving it to God...I can't stand the added stress of worrying if she's crossing the boundaries with my hubby - It's just not worth it.

is that they (Dad and Stepmom) are much stricter and have not found any friends for her in their area yet...My daughter is very lonely when she goes there. But, again I never voice this. She's old enough to tell them herself now.

Bonus wife, I think that you are definately right on the money. It is not easy to know that your beloved husband has a connection with another woman that you do not have. It's just kinda icky, ya know? And while I am very thankful that we are all able to get along just fine, I still get that dull ache in my heart every now and then when they seem to be too at ease with each other.

I agree with you. It is just not worth worrying about.

to come around to that conclusion. With my BF and his ex. I just take it for what it is. But if I hear of a really inappropriate conversation or something like that..I will definintely put in my two cents. But as far as worrying about how often they talk..I just don't have the time or want to devote my time to it anymore. I'm trying to keep positive and let them handle things between them. It's just easier this way!

V

what the BM's complain about. If they complain about me, I know I'm doing a great job. If they complain about something else, like DH or whatever, then I know that they are insecure and jealous. I don't give much weight to it. The BMs that I deal with are too insecure and intimidated to say much to me.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...