I'd allow those kinds of "honest" comments from a 5 year old. A 14 year old is being manipulative and rude. Don't insult back (however tempting it might be) becuase that's like teaching a kid not to hit with a spanking.

My SD11 is starting to get really rude, snotty and generally negative around me and her sisters. My DH makes her do lines. Writing "Say something nice or say nothing at all" or "saying bad things makes people think I'm a mean person" 20 times gets your point across and keeps her busy.

You have every right to be angry! That is disrespectful! It's one thing to be honest, but it's another thing to be rude and inconsiderate. Hasn't SS ever heard of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Apparently not! And how dare DH allow such behavior.

I would have told DH, "Remember when you used to be so muscular and sexy? Oh, I miss those days! Now you're just a big beer-bloated blob!" I don't really know what DH looks like, but you get the idea... and if he gets upset, just tell him, "What? I'm being HONEST."

As for SS14, I would insult him right back. I did that to SD8 once. She told me that my breath smelled so I leaned over and took a whiff of her hair and replied, "You hair smells like poop. When was the last time you took a shower?" I know, it's immature. But guess what? She never did it again.

Its funny, because I was just about to blog on the same thing. My SD8 always makes comments to her dad and to me and they are rude. She always responds to her bad behavior with "I wanted to", and then she always precedes her comments with "Anyways" in a sarcastic type of way - its rude. I just keep telling her to "Can you rephrase that please", until she gets it right. And yes telling her that it is better be nice or do not say anything at all. In my SD8's case - she's quiet all the time. I guess she has nothing good to say. WHATEVER!

I think it is rude and ignorant ugh!!!

there is no way I would put up with that crap.
Adults should be respected and I agree if they can not say something nice then dont say it.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

In my opinion, teaching is the best teacher.

When my BD was about 3 she went through a very quick stage of biting. SOmething she picked up at daycare. Well one day as she was playing with my dad she just out of no where halled off and bit the sh#t out of my dad. So, my dad took her hand and stuck it in his mouth and bit back. GASP. BDs eyes were in shock right along with mine and my moms. After a moment of realization that "Oh sh#t this hurts" the sound came and BD screamed her head off. My mom and I had run to take her from my dad and yelled at him. Well let me tell you. As HORRIBLE as I thought my dad was for doing that, BD NEVER bit another person at home or school. Cured her instantly. So if a 3 year old can rationalize, then surely a 14 year old should be able to. That was a lesson that I learned inadvertently. Childish and immature...Of COURSE. But sometimes you fight fire with fire. Just be mindful that if SS is a real idiot it may only fuel him.

People who get on HIGH Horses will find the fall to be painful. ~ME :->

Whenever she is being nasty and rude, DH says "I raised her to speak her mind and always question things." Excuse me? Who does that benefit? I just do NOT grasp that concept. There are rules and there are conventions for decent behavior. I don't walk around telling SD15 that she stinks, although she does. Literally, if she leaves her bedroom door open I can tell from the bottom of the stairs up to the bedrooms. Nasty.

SS needs to keep his negative opinions to himself, in my opinion.

Brutal "honesty" which is actually the inability to edit trivial and unimportant thoughts, opinions, or desires.

Some can be taught (my SD cannot, but we will hopefully get some help on behavior mod at tomorrow's appt.) The thing is, I have now realized in SD's case, that her "insults" are really ways she shows she's acknowledging or paying attention to you.

OR....it could be coming from BM. I never lost my 20 post BD pounds. I would guess BM weighs the same or more than me, but it's all below the belt and mine is boobs belly butt. So it's more obvious on me and harder to hide.

For the longest time, my SD would talk about my weight, or more painfully, talk up the amazing and effortless weight loss of everyone else in our world of family and friends who had babies the same year I had birth daughter.

"Wow...you know next door neighbor had TWINS TWO MONTHS before YOU had BD, and she's so SKINNY!"

"Aunt S had BD's cousin 3 weeks AFTER BD and you can't even tell she was ever pregnant!"

"You know, Aunt N had BD's cousin 6 MONTHS after BD, and she is so amazingly thin! How does she do it with 5 yo twins too! She doesn't even look like she had 3 kids in 5 years!!!!"

Over and over and over...

UGH.

Or she'd see pregnant people and rub in how much smaller they seemed than I did when pregnant with BD. Like our neighbor who definitely outweighs me by a bunch since she's 5'11 AND ALL. Or Aunt S who had another baby when our BD's were 2, and was instantly back to smaller than before.

I found out that BM was calling me a "fat bit@h" to SD every chance she got, and I think all those comments were SD's plea for me to get on with losing the weight so her mom wouldn't have ammo.

But instead I just said, "Yeah, everyone's different. We have had a lot of STRESS the past 2 years."

And then when the BM's nasty remarks came out I said, "Hmmmm...THAT'S odd since your mom appears to not be any smaller than me, we just carry it differently." And SD responded with, Yeah...her BUTT is HUGE now!"

I mustered my best serious PC SM face and said, "SD! That is NOT a respectful thing to say about your mom!"

And she answered, "No....but it's TRUE!"

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

ONCE about my appearance and it was the last time. I asked him if he would like me to start picking apart his physical appearance and flaws because I had plenty of ammo to work with. He immediately turned red and never said anything like that to me again...He can still be quite nasty about other people (and I call him on it) but he has never attacked me again about my appearance because he is afraid I will fling it back at him... I think these kids need to feel the sting that is the result of such callous remarks.

and never will b. so he thinks its okay to insult u to show, in his mind, that he doesnt love u like he loves BM. that might be bc a) he doesnt or b) maybe he IS very fond of u but doesnt want to admit it or act that way, so he degrades u instead.

just a thought.

either way, hes old enough to knock the shit off and ur DH needs to tell him there is a definite difference between honesty and insults, like u said.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I tell them, every time you open your mouth our are imitating your mother. I will be so glad when you grow up because hopefully, you will be able to have independent thought processes and not have to repeat what other people say.

You can tell him that if he can dish it out he needs to be prepared to take it. If he starts it again just rip him apart for a few minutes and then end the conversation with thats the reason no one likes you and you don't have any friends because you are so mean to people. That will get his attention and give him something to think about. He's 14 years old and those other people are encouraging him to be mean and calling it being honest so its time to give him a reality check.