Woman at Daycare asked if SS was autistic to DH
My daughter and SS go to the daycare provided by our marriage classes once a week from 10:30-2:00 and they have for over a month. Well SS hasn't been blatently misbeahving but he zones out, ignores everyone around him and will focus on one thing (the T.V) He doens't engage with the other kids execpt to rude to them or tell them to go away. I keep telling DH that SS has major social issues that go along with his severe ADD but he doesn't listen, well it hit him today. I think hearing another person tell him how bad his socialzation his hit him and hit him hard, he looked at SS across the room with a look I couldn't even read on his face. SS is very good at pretending everything is fine socially at school but if you listen more and get him to talk a bit you here the truth. He has no friends because he a whiner, doesn't like to play, and gets angry at them easily. He liked this girl last year(second grade crush) cute right? No, I asked him if he played with her and he said "ya I chase her around the playground" So I ask him "like playing tag" and he tells me "No, she says I scare her so she runs away from me, so thats why I chase her" A few weeks after that he comes over mad saying that another boy likes this girl and that he is going to kill him and put his head on a pike, he was in second grade and saying this. The problem is I am pretty sure he talks like this to the kids faces not just me, its either agressive in your face to other kids or he zones out and ignores eveyone and everything. The scary thing is that at school he is even on his meds and acts like this, how bad would he be without them? Last night DH and I talked after the kids went to bed about it and I told him he needed to respect my opinion about SS because I spend more time with him then anyone else. His BM see him after school maybe 2 nights a week because of her work scedule and she always works atleast one weekend day so there goes 2 out of the 4 weekend days she gets during the school year and he is here all summer. During the summer DH sleeps until 10 in the mornig and goes to work at 2"30 and doesn't come home till after SS goes to bed, he is here evey weekend though. I spend every day with him all day all summer long and also every other weekend during the school year. I am the best able to tell about patterns in behavior. I told DH SS needs counciling and a reaveluation of his meds, he needs a different one or something stronger. Anger management would probably be benificial to. My real fear is that SS is bipolar but I haven't brought that up with DH yet. My father was undiagnosed bipolar and a lot of his behavior fits the pattern, extreme highs and lows and bursts of aggression, apathy when he goes on a downer. I figure I will wait to see if the other changes help and then if not discuss the other posibility with DH. I told DH I needed him to see I wasn't being mean when I said these things, I say them because I care about SS and want whats best for him.
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SS got started on meds when
SS got started on meds when he was about 4. (IMO he just needed his butt torn up a time or tow) But anyway…he was on a few meds that made him calm down a lot. BUT it also made him VERY dark. He was evil when he was on a few of them It was crazy. They probably did not get his meds straight until he was 13 ish. Then DH took him off when he was 16 and lo and behold. He was just fine. Not ADHD at all.
Maybe his meds needs adjusting…?
We used to not medicate him
We used to not medicate him on the weekends and during the summer, he was still just as angry and dark. He does have issues and the meds calm down the other issues like the behavior but they don't tone down the attitude and anger. I'm hoping that the meds comixed with counciling and anger managment would be benificial.
I think its the parenting and
I think its the parenting and the skid, hopefully a new doctor and counciling will help everyone see a bigger picture and realize that changes need to be made.
Bipolar doesn't usually start
Bipolar doesn't usually start until High School. I doubt it is that. He needs to be evaluated by a different doctor.
Also, SS13 has anti-social behaviors. We have tried therapy for him in a group setting. That worked wonders. They taught him how to talk to kids without provoking or being rude.
You need to try everything and adjust the meds. Is he worse off of them then on them? We had SS on ADD meds and took him off after they started causing migraines and turned out he really didn't need them. BM loved meds since she is a pharmacist and insists on them for both her kids.
You need to make sure your DH stays on the same page as you and doesn't blame you when he doesn't like the methods used. Good luck!
The doctor didn't say bibolar
The doctor didn't say bibolar and I havn't said that to anyone else yet but I have experiance living with someone bipolar and thats why I thought maybe.
I keep trying to get him into counciling I think it would really help, and I think that woman saying that will be the kick in the head to see its not just me.
Some things are better on the meds like basic hyperness and behavior, its the anger and meaness thats the same on or off, thats why I think anger management would be benificial. But the meds do need adjusted I think because they seem to work less and less the longer he is on them either that or he is not taking them, I watch him when I give them and make sure he takes it, DH just hands him the pill and water and walks away, now SS doesn't like the taste so I wonder sometimes if he is just not taking the pill.
Thank you I will talk to my
Thank you I will talk to my DH about mentioning the mood things to the doctor, maybe something like that would be able to help SS.
I suspect that my SD is
I suspect that my SD is Bipolar. She is 15 and the up and down moods were awful when she lived here. BM has her on Anti-Depressants so were told. My MIL is severely BiPolar so it is inherited. When we discussed it with her doctor, we were told it is usually diagnosed in HS or College. I doubt that your SS has it, just maybe the tendancies.
But, I do think having him re-evaluated is the way to go, since you see such drastic changes on his current meds.
I would ask about the Abilify, it is supposed to work very well for young kids. For adults they seem to be prescribing it with other meds.
It is great that he has you in his corner, sounds like mom and dad have their head in the sand.
Thank you, I'm going to ask
Thank you, I'm going to ask about the abilify, I just really want him to be able to have a normal life and be happy.
SD was on meds since second
SD was on meds since second grade, ADHD, BM liked the SSI check! When we got SD full time, in 7th grade, we stopped all meds. BM was still collecting the SSI and we were still payng child support until we got things determined and custody etc.
HELL ON WHEELS!
Doc actually believed that 99% of behaviors were learned by SD, likely from BM, and not due to any disorder. Behavior therapy, anger management, living and learning, all the usual childhood trauma and drama being put into perspective for her, could help enormously now she is almost of age. She's highly intelligent, yet pretty stupid at times and is currently in a secure juvenile facility because of her behaviors and responses to people who 'think differently' to her. SD went from UNIVERSITY to secure juvenile detention! BM is the common denominator in all of the trouble, even the juvenile judge threw BM out of her court room one day. BM sat back and watched her then husband strike SD, he punched her in the mouth, and also sat back while SD was arrested for defending herself. SFather's aged parents came (as always and at his request...drama kings and queen) to his aid because he could not handle a 16 year old child and they tried to restrain her? I am in disbelief they did not know better than to get between a young fit girl and her step father in an altercation...the parents yelled 'assault' in court, they were scuffed because of their own stupidity?! We know how she is, we know what she is capable of, we do not defend SD's actions in any way, however, she'd endured a lot and kept quiet. This man, and BM are some pieces of work!
SD will make it, a light bulb will go off in her mind as common sense catches up to her intelligence. Her twin brother is much more devious than she is, he does not get caught doing the stupid BS teen stuff. SS cannot abide by our rules so he emancipated himself...he still wants his dad to 'do' stuff for him though? I say what I think on the issue and leave it at that...at least he's in college now!
I dissengaged over a year ago, refused to take things personally and I left DH to get on with it all! He's getting there...tough love is the thing he's doing lately (not before time) and telling them that they are older now and really do know better. He's right up to a point, my belief is that he should have taken them gradually more in hand from the get go! We all like to be indulged, right? We all have that mischievous little imp in us too, right? I believe those things are what we have moderated within us as we grow and learn, society has expectations of us, right? It often does suck big time to have to bite our tongues at home, to be 'adult' in these situations we encounter with out SKids...even with bio kids too!
I reckon we'll all survive it, become stronger for our adversity and remain decent human beings...'til then, though, let's VENT! What better place than here?
My son began having behavior
My son began having behavior problems around age 3. He became violent and oppositional at times and his behavior was very unpredictable. Our daycare recommended meds, but we noticed a connection to his diet and his behavior so we began changing his diet with a lot of success.
I did a lot of research on the internet because our doctor told us that he frankly had no suggestions for managing behavior thru diet. We eliminated preservatives (nitrates, sulfites, phosphates, etc.) and began eating all natural foods - we saw a slight improvement. We eliminated milk - and this made a huge difference! My son stopped babbling/stuttering, stopped pounding his head with his fists, and was able to make direct eye contact with us again. It was incredible. Then we started restricting bread/wheat because we suspected gluten intolerance - this made a marked improvement in his ability to follow directions and reduce his violent/oppositional outbursts.
My son cannot process the proteins in milk and wheat properly. They acted like opiates in his brain and caused many of his behavioral problems. I often wonder if my SS also suffered from the same thing - he was diagnosed as ODD at 13. I have read alot about the link between Autism/ADHD/ADD and casein/gluten (milk/wheat proteins). One thing that we noticed is that my son used to crave these foods - bread, cookies, cheese, milk, etc. They were like a drug for him. My son is now 5 and he's "clean" from these harmful foods.
I don't mean to minimize the benefits of meds. They can work wonders too. I just wanted to share my experience with my son.
It sounds like autism to me.
It sounds like autism to me. Autistic kids prefer to be left alone and are often perceived to be aloof, "in their own little world". They see other people as objects, not humans that have their own feelings/thoughts. They can't read social cues (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice) so its no wonder they can't make or keep friends. If they speak very well at all they will give monologues about their favorite subject and bore other children to death. They don't understand the nature of "give and take" in relationships.
My SS4.5 has all the classic autistic characteristics, but sadly has not yet been evaluated due to his BM's denial, stupidity or apathy, whatever it is. He is getting evaluated next week.