New here too-need to vent
Hello all, I’m new here but I’ve been reading for a while now. I need to vent.. not sure if it’s me..
I’ve been married for 5 years(together for 10).I have a BS15 and SD17. (Still learning acronyms..) lately, I feel the attitude from SD17 is getting to be too much. My BS15 is not an angel by any means, but I feel his overall attitude and responses are respectful.
Lately, SD17 is giving attitude /tone. Example, we were just on vacation. We were sitting on a patio, and I asked my son to put his phone away while at dinner.- he puts it away with no issues. Next, she is on her phone. I tell her to put her phone away.. she looks at me and says “don’t know why.. everyone is updated with what is going on with me!”. Her father says nothing! I turned to her and say..well instead of talking about you, we will be talking about other things.. she puts down phone and attitude for part of the meal..
Another time on vacation, spends 45 mins after lunch to get ready for the beach. I can’t get ready, cause I can’t get changed until bathroom is free.(no privacy in room). Finally get to beach, about 15 mins in.. she has to leave cause her tummy is upset. She goes back to the room and ask my son to keep her company. Well he is not going to argue because he gets to be on his phone there.. later that night, after sulking, she has the balls to ask for her eclair dessert that she has picked up earlier that day... her father was going to give it to her. She ended up not taking it, finally thinking it was a bad idea with her stomach...
other days, it was on and off tone/attitude. I said to both kids on way home to do their laundry and clean their rooms on the Monday. She didn’t like that too much... we will see what happens...told her father about looks and overall attitude and he was not acknowledging them. His response to me was why didn’t I bring them up? I said if I did, it would be more attitude and looks.. and I was about done.. he still hasn’t spoken to her about any of this to her...
I’m very frustrated!! Sorry, Rant done!
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Comments
Welcome to the site!
You have been together 10 yrs - it is a new thing ie SD giving you attitude? Is SD with you all the time or is she at her mother's some of the time? Obviously her father is about as useful as a chocolate teapot in insisting on respect from her towards you - is she the same towards him? What is SD's situation - is she at school full time - going to college soon? Sometimes teens can become a real pain just before they leave, through anxiety etc. This is no excuse for disrespect but it might be an explanation as to why she has changed, so more info from you would be useful.
Thanks
We have both kids 50% of the time, at the same time. One week on, one week off. She has overall anxiety with a lot of things..(sometimes I think she uses that as a crutch to get out of things). Both her mom and dad baby her (I've stayed this to my husband before). Her attitude has been on and off for years, but it hasn't been overly bad until recently..she is sucky to her dad (when she wants stuff) and gives attitude or questions why she doesn't get stuff when she asks for it.
ive really noticed she is being condescending and selfish. Telling my son what to do or not to do. Correcting me on stuff I say, and questioning things. Maybe it's stress related, but I don't think I should be the one to bear it...
You are right, stress is no
You are right, stress is no excuse for behaving like a dick. You and her father need to be singing from the same hymn sheet in letting her know that her nasty attitude and remarks will not be tolerated. You and DH need to have a serious discussion about this.
Sounds like typical teenage
Sounds like typical teenage stuff. She'll mature eventually. In the meanwhile, her father needs to back you up.
It sounds pretty typical but
It sounds pretty typical but annoying for sure.
I do a cut my eye thing and in a low voice say "TONE" - that tends to work on all 4 of my teens (step and bios)- however I have gone a little crazy a few times so they all say that you don't mess with momma. LOL
Thanks!!
Thanks everyone! Really nice to see others point of view and experiences. Thanks again for listening!!
Awe, I understand what you're
Awe, I understand what you're dealing with (other than not having my own children). I think it's a rule that teenage girls have to become moody, unpleasant people at 16. That's when I started noticing the major change from my SD 18 just being annoying at times and a little needy to distant, moody, etc. Hang in there! Kudos to you- I never spoke up or tried to ask her to do things. I let myself be afraid of her not liking me and I regretted that later. Hopefully she leaves for college in a year!?
Awe, I understand what you're
Awe, I understand what you're dealing with (other than not having my own children). I think it's a rule that teenage girls have to become moody, unpleasant people at 16. That's when I started noticing the major change from my SD 18 just being annoying at times and a little needy to distant, moody, etc. Hang in there! Kudos to you- I never spoke up or tried to ask her to do things. I let myself be afraid of her not liking me and I regretted that later. Hopefully she leaves for college in a year!?
Definitely speak to your DH
Hes her parent, he needs to parent her. Focus on your bio. Dont take it personally, they are all the same. Its normal at this age to question things, so be VERY patient. Im dealing with questioning and arguing from Munchkin SD14. Shes very sweet and respectful, but theres been "moments"...again, dont take it PERSONALLY, but also dont just TAKE IT...if that makes sense...
change is in the air
New here. Went to the computer tonight to find a site like this and here I am. Today I decided I am "over it". I am a SM to two SS (11, and 14) and I have two sons of my own (11 and 15). I am a 25 year teacher so I know a thing or two (or a million!) about raising kids. Problem is that my partner sucks and I think I was blinded by love. I have worked tirelessly to promote consistency and boundaries backed up with love and positive reinforcement. I get it. I get my place. I've done it well and with respect(for the most part, and under these circumstances). But today, I just realized that I don't want to do it all anymore, because the SSs just don't have the respect that they should have. I'm backing off and focusing on my own two sons and giving up being the pushy SM to the other two. They are on their own. Potato chips for breakfast? Sure!! Eight hours of Fortnight? Why not?? I can't do it without reinforcement for their dad, so I am letting their dad and BM take the reigns from here forward. I was always trying to be appropriately involved, but I guess you can't be involved if the other two parts of the parenting here don't do their part and invest in working as a team. And it's not my job. I had magical thinking that I could build this family with my two hands. so now.... I'm admitting it's too much tonight. Freedom! I feel free! Whew. Thanks for letting me vent. Perhaps I'll feel differently tomorrow, but for tonight I am enjoying this empowering feeling that I am pretending I have.... lol