I feel like I'm paying for my wife's ex-husbands family
I met my wife 5 years ago and she has two sons. The older one needed braces. His father has always side stepped the conversation when it comes to expenses and my wife, who doesn't work, looks to me to pick up those expenses. The boys' father does pay child support in the amount of $795 per month to her and claims that he shouldn't have to pay anything else. Mind you, he didn't want her to work or get her education while they were together so the child support is well deserved and he pays far less than he should. She is going through school now to become a teacher, but that hasn't materialized yet and will be another year or two before she starts earning a living and helping with expenses.
I paid $3000 for my oldest step son to have braces. Keep in mind, that I have two daughters of my own that also live with us the same amount of time as the boys do. Now, the younger boy needs braces and my wife is once again giving me grief about paying for his braces. I feel caught in the middle on all of this. Imagine if a couple walked up to you on the street and just asked you for $6000. That's what I feel like. I love my wife and my step sons, but they are literally bankrupting me. I have my own children that I have to pay expenses for. How do I tell my wife no?
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It's very generous of you
It's very generous of you what all you have already provided. At some point though you need to speak up and remind wife that these children have a father and you can't go on supporting four kids without everything you earn ends up going on kids (what about your saving, house repairs, a family vacation).
Too bad there wasn't something in the CO that spelled out just this type of thing. Lots of NCP not only pay CS but then CO also includes how and who pays the extras (like sports, braces, summer camp blah blah). Wife maybe should get out and review the CO as there might be something in there that does indeed cover this topic. Just because ex doesn't 'want' to perhaps is something wife is just letting Dad get away with. Maybe she figures it's easier to just assume you'll pay for this and that than fight with her ex.
You need to speak to her. At this rate you'll be paying college out of your pocket for your two kids and her two kids. You should at least request that Dad pays for half of the braces with wife paying the other half. Wife does have the $795 a month CS. She may have to budget it very carefully and let some of the extras she might buy/spend on the kids go for now.
I would start by saying that
I would start by saying that yes, the older boy had his braces paid by you. But now it is up to her to find the money for the 2nd set. Ask her if she was working and you were studying would she hand money over for your daughters as well as take care of her sons?
Another solution is for you to pay for the braces and she can hand over the CS until it is paid off.
What does their Parenting Plan say about medically necessary items like braces?
While I think each parent
While I think each parent should pay for their own kids, I am a bit perplexed here. You state you have to biological children that also live with you. Do you pay child support to their mother or does she pay you child support? If you pay their mother or if she doesn't pay you, why exactly do you feel that the other guy is not fair when he is paying child support into YOUR home? The issue of your wife not working and going to school instead of supporting her own children is a choice you two made. It's not up to the BIO dad to pick up the slack because you and your wife decided she should go to school instead of working to support her own children. Believe me I understand that sometimes we go to school and get better jobs, then maybe you can make a deal with your wife that SHE will pay you back that money or that she needs to get at least a part-time job to pay those expenses herself. I am all for women being independent and getting an education, but when you are a mom your duty is to support your children first. If her ex-husband decided to go to school instead of work, I can assure you that both of you would tell him to go to hell and be a man and support his kids first.
PS when you figure it out, I'd love to know since my son needs braces and thanks to him spending so much money on his ONE loser bio kid, he has ZERO money to pay towards OUR BIO son's braces...
Tell your wife no and tell
Tell your wife no and tell her to get a job. Plenty of parents work full-time and attend school full-time.
Dad is doing his part by paying CS. You can't get angry at him for you agreeing to have your wife attend school and not work.
I agree that your wife should
I agree that your wife should get a job - even part time. I don't think you should have to pay 100% (Minus $795/month) to raise HER kids. You are so generous. My mouth dropped when I read that you paid for braces for one of her kids already! You more than did your part. Dead beat biodad sounds like my ex to a tee. My son needed to see a therapist because his dad really effed with his head. In my CO it clearly states that he will pay 74% of all medical costs. This was purely based on his income vs my income at the time of separation. So he did pay. hen he found a loophole that says psychological and orthodontic care was not included in "medical" and unless specifically outline in the CO he didn't have to pay. I said eff you, I'm petitioning the court to modify the order and when YOU lose, you'll have to pay court costs, too. I got a letter of medical necessity from the psychologist to say my son NEEDED ongoing care. No judge in the world would say no. And now my order has been modified.
CAn you do the same? Get a letter from the orthodontist and get the order modified. Biodad is an ass and you are such a blessing to that family. Good luck!
Why are you calling the dad a
Why are you calling the dad a deadbeat? He's supporting his children. The OP is helping to support children that aren't his. The mother is the deadbeat in this case.
I think he's a "dead beat"
I think he's a "dead beat" because he thinks child support is his only obligation. He's paying that and nothing else. Why shouldn't he cover the braces on the second kid? Step dad covered them for the first. I do agree that mom needs to contribute to her own kids for sure. She should help.
Agree with :foreverstacey:!!
Agree with :foreverstacey:!! $795 a month is enough for her to put aside at least $250 p/month for braces. Either that or GET.A.JOB. She and her ex are responsible for THEIR OWN kids and you and your ex are responsible for yours.
Gah I could write your story
Gah I could write your story in reverse. My H does not get that I have my own kids and don't/can't/won't be responsible for additional expenses for his children above his CS.
I totally disagree that he's a deadbeat. You want to see a deadbeat? Find my ex and the $75K in CS he owes me. E.g., my H does not pay extras but that's because after CS he has less than $1000/mo to live on. His CS is insane. There is literally NO extra money for skids, and definitely not from my paycheck. He is not a deadbeat because he is supporting his kids to the tune of $1500/mo plus covering their health insurance.
MANY parents, including married parents can't afford braces. He will not die if he doesn't get braces. He can get braces as an adult and pay for them himself. She can get a job. Etc. Etc. Etc.
>The boys' father does pay
>The boys' father does pay child support in the amount of $795 per month to her and claims that he shouldn't have to pay anything else.<
That doesn't seem like much based on what I know how CS is calculated. $795 per month in CS for TWO children AND your wife has no income of her own!?
If I were you, I would tell your wife to file for a modifaction in CS, or at least consult a lawyer. Something is not right here...
Modifications don't fall from
Modifications don't fall from the sky. I think people throw it out there like every family court is normal and just.
My ordered CS is $384/mo for two kids (I have gotten no increases except for the every two year COLA). DHs CS has been the same on skids since...forever...When he was unemployed during the recession NO modification was granted to him. Even though he was able to prove the layoff (vs. quitting), etc.
All: Thanks for the
All: Thanks for the comments. To clarify a few points I think that I need to give a little more information. My wife currently works part time as a substitute teacher and averages about $800 per month doing that. When I met her and we moved in together our kids were 2nd through 6th grade so working part time was a good option. The ex is a correctional officer that makes about $95000 a year. He doesn't have house payment and filed bankruptcy when they divorced getting rid of all of their debt. He and his new wife live in her deceased parent's home free of charge. You'd be surprised how little the effect of a court order has on people here in California. He owes her $6000 in back alimony that the judge simply dismissed in the last court appearance, and he owes her $15000 in student loan payments that he refuses to pay. No court is going to garnish his wages to get him to pay up regardless of how many times you drag his sorry ass into court. He is required to pay for half of their medical expenses, but never does. The boys do have medical coverage, but there is very little coverage for braces on dental plans. The youngest son also really does need braces. He's got his fangs coming up into his gum line and there is definitely a need for braces. My entire point is that I was driving around in his old 2003 2 door Ford Explorer that she got in the divorce, while he went and bought a new Toyota pickup. I bought her a new car because I wanted her to have something dependable. Like I've said previously, I just feel taken advantage of. I'm trying to rationalize it and be happy, but if she asks me to pay for one more thing, I'm going to lose it.
she should file for
she should file for medication of CS then if he's paying $800 on a $95K income. Really, his living arrangements are irrelevant.
I know that BM got haughty when she saw where we moved to but, I work every day and my living condition won't be substandard so that DH can give more money to skids. So there's that...
And, the alimony and student loans are really irrelevant too. I just don't believe in one adult paying another adults way. All she needs to focus on his CS. If he's truly underpaying she should ask for a medication.
And yes, the court will "garnish his wages" for CS. I think she needs to give up on him paying for her student loans and alimony and find a way to pay that herself.
Agreed! (I knew something
Agreed! (I knew something smelled fishy!).
Tell wife to file for a CS modification. What have you guys got to lose?
Oddly enough, the last time
Oddly enough, the last time that we went to court, the judge told him that he felt sorry for him and all of his correctional officer friends because they got a reduction in pay for 12 months in the state of California. His pay stub showed about $60,000 of income as of August, but the current check was only in the amount of $4200. This was obviously without any overtime and he had just come off of disability (which looking at him you would never know that he was on disability). The judge took his $4200 pay, hook, line and sinker, and modified his child support down! My wife has completely lost her faith in the justice system as a result.
Some of you on here have been a little harsh on her by saying that she needs to "GET A JOB". Maybe I haven't clarified enough that we are literally 12 months for her finishing her teaching credential and obtaining her Masters degree. She isn't just sitting on her ass all day long. It has just been a tough road for both of us with me starting a new business in the last 7 years and her going through a nasty divorce of her own where he left, didn't pay any bills or take the kids, and she ended up losing her home to foreclosure.
I believe that as married couples we all have agreements with our spouses as to how we are going to run/manage the home and raise our kids. Her ex didn't want her to go to school or work. When it all went south, she did the best she could by going out and getting a job, got into school, and supported her kids on her own for 9 months until the child support kicked in.
Here's the best part though. To tell you exactly what kind of a#@hole I'm up against, he claimed that the back support that he didn't pay should be offset by the house payments that he was making when he left in May of 2006 until the final court filing in January of 2007. The judge agreed. But three months later the house was foreclosed on because he hadn't made a single payment since the date he left in 2006. This guy is a sociopath and honestly, until I met my new wife, I had never thought that people could be so evil and corrupt. He changed my mind about that.
So as you can all see, we are making the best of a rough situation, but I have decided that I am not only going to take a stand against my wife regarding the boys' expenses, I'm going to take a stand against her ex and basically tell him that they are his children and I'm staying out of it. I've got two girls of my own to worry about. I'll be there for the boys and support them with as much as I can. I'm taking one to Stanford for football camp this month. That is about $200. But I'm through paying $3000 for things that both of the boys own parents should be paying for. P.S. I stopped driving his hold piece of crap and bought myself a new car.