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Heart hurts

carol550's picture

Submitted by carol550 on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 2:51pm

My husband has two adult children His son is in prison for drugs and has always had a gang related life. His daughter (age 32) is living with us.

We have been taking care of her for 12 years. She is educated and has taken the path of doing nothing for herself. She works at a hardware store only making 8 dollars an hour. She is lazy, a slob, and does not care about her future. She walks through life with rose colored glasses and thinks that everything in life is wonderfull.

I personally don't like this women. I have no respect for her and deeply hate her living with us. Over the past few months we have been putting intense presure on her to do something with her life. We have told her that she is one step away from being homeless. We have been doing family therapy as well.

I have told her that I don't like her and that I have no respect for her. I have told her to stay out of my business and out of my face. I have told her that when we are in the same house together she needs to stay away from me. She does not respect my requests and is continually in my face.

I see the pain this is causing my husband and I feel just awfull. I can't help the way I feel about SD. The more time goes by the more I don't like her. We have scarficed a lot for her. I am just so done and want her out. She does not make enough money to care for herself on her own so I feel stuck and traped.

I so wish I could change the way I feel about her.

Comments

coping's picture

Submitted by coping on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 3:31pm

Perhaps you can make her uncomfortable. Maybe she needs to pay rent. Perhaps you can get one of those $1000 sheds from Home Depot and run electricity out to it and tell her 'tada'. She can live in that until she figures something else out.

clockz71's picture

Submitted by clockz71 on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 5:05pm

Yeah,

For what it is worth, my ex-wife has a 21 year old daughter like that. When we were going through the very end of the relationship, she lived with us. Constant doing nothing with her life, and is now over 400 lbs, which lets be honest - that's an achievement! She still does nothing.

Your SD is NEVER going to do anything for herself until she has to.

Also, I have to ask - what in the hell is your husband's problem? He has made this mess, but only YOU can fix the problem I think. I understand helping someone out, but carrying them through life is something altogether different, which is what you are doing.

Please find the strength to stand up to both of them, before your marriage ends.

Best of luck.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 9:27am

Your husband needs to give her a move out date and stick to it. Why has he allowed this for so long? How educated is she?

If your husband has to demand most of her paycheck to save up for her to move out, then that's what he needs to do. Force her to launch. Telling her this or that and not doing anything to back it up is the same as doing nothing.

My DH and I have always had the agreement that no other adult live with us. It wreaks havoc on a marriage, not to mention one's sanity. And I am crazy enough, already.