Today, my parents booked a family vacation to the happiest place on earth for later this summer. DH and I discussed inviting SS10 and DH said he wanted to extend the invitation,  knowing full well that BM would likely say "No." DH said that if BM said "No," at least DH would have email proof in case SS ever asked DH or became upset about it, saying we didnt invite him. DH sent an email with the trip information and we waited. 

BM emails back stating that she asked SS if he wanted to attend the trip multiple times and SS said "No" because football is determining positions for the season that week and he doesn't want to miss it and be randomly assigned a position. I know that BM likely isn't lying because she knows we talk to SS tomorrow and we are just going to ask him ourselves. 

I'm kind of shocked here. I fully expected BM to say "No," but for a 10-year-old to say "No" and choose sports over a vacation? I think there are a variety of factors though. I am sure BM probably guilted SS into saying "No" or presented it as a "Well if you go, you're going to miss this, but if you can live with that, then okay" type scenario. Like I told DH, we have both been at the hands of BM's emotional abuse. When she gets what she wants, she is very sweet and cooperative, but when you go against her or tell her "No," she is vicious. SS has likely subconsciously trained himself to know that BM prides herself in SS' sport accomplishments and he knows that he only gains praise and attention by doing well athletically (or academically). I'm sure that SS feels pressure to "make the right choice" to ensure he stays in BM's good graces so BM doesn't withhold affection or attention. DH also blames the football league because it is way too intense. These kids, starting in kindergarten, practice 4 days per week plus have games every weekend from end of July to October. If you miss two practices in a row, you are benched for a game. They have weigh-ins weekly and really treat this like a high school team. DH has received several emails from the league recently and all they keep talking about is being "the hottest ticket in town." DH wonders if the league's influence is also impacting SS' decision. And maybe I'm wrong about all of this; maybe SS just doesn't want to be with us and this is just the start of PAS. 

DH said he will ask SS again during our phone call tomorrow, just to confirm that he does not want to go. If SS says "No," then we are going without him, which I am fine with. It will be our daughter's first trip and I personally want the focus to be on her anyway. But, I can't help but feel bad for SS. I feel like this is an indicator that he is starting to PAS. In the end, SS is going to give up a lot of opportunities throughout his childhood for a sport that will likely take him nowhere.