I started seeing the father about a year after they broke up, in 2001. The birth mother was very nice, they had already done the dirty work of coming to an agreement, and she moved about 400 miles away. So, the kids had one year at a time with each parent. it was good, right when they got comfortable, it was time to go to the other parent.

All three of us adults are alcoholics. My husband and I are also drug addicts, but we sobered up in 2004, and she died from her disease in 2006. The kids came to live with us full time, and we got married in 2007. She was always fun-loving and she was always less strict with them than my hubby was. Before she died, and when we got them from her, it was hard to get them back into the routine, chores, sleep schedules, etc. They remember only the good times, which is understandable... but its an unrealistic memory... it was always a struggle keeping them from doing whatever they want whenever they want. I always supported him in front of the kids, sticking up for his decisions even when he wasn't in the room. I never said anything bad about their mom, I even say that I miss her too.

I kinda felt obligated to move in with them... Like, I had to do something, right? Now it feels like I wasted my time.

My husband over-compensates, because I think he's trying to make up for her not being here. We are now very successful in our employment, and the kids are spoiled... We've had separate bank accounts (mostly due to his distrust with his ex) and he pays for all the kid stuff. But, he's inconsistent. He tells them to do something, but doesn't hold them accountable. He sends mixed messages every single day, and he unknowingly encourages them to talk back... they know they can keep arguing and he'll bend. He thinks he's negotiating with them, but their will is stronger than his. They name their "price" and he's the only one that changes what he'll "pay". He admits "as long as they aren't doing drugs it's ok". Yesterday he tried to use my past as an example of how much better his kids are... Indirectly saying they aren't as bad as I was.

he is leaving for a work trip on Friday. The two youngest will be here. 18 yr old girl and 14 yr old boy. The girl will be leaving on the 2nd for college. (oh, she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, even getting a dog and throws a tantrum so daddy let her keep it). The boy thinks he is better than everybody else, talks down, talks back and also gets to do whatever he wants... Seven days is an awful long time when I dread being around them.

I don't feel like a part of the family. He is nine years older than me and doesn't want more kids. I really did. It would have been different if we did have a baby. The kids would have had a connection with me, and we would have had opportunities to communicate.

I have little patience for their B*!@#!@ and I end up withdrawing... I prefer ANYTHING to listening to them. The youngest, now 14, talks with such a condescending tone.

It is disgusting how spoiled these kids are, and I want no part of it. I am close to divorcing him. Today he said the same thing.

FYI -over the last eight sober years, I build him up and encourage him More often than he does for me. I ask him why - he thinks it will lose its impact, that I won't appreciate it? But he needs it from me on a daily basis, and because the kids have increasingly gotten worse he acts like all I do is complain. "if this is how it's going to be tomorrow I want a divorce"