Do I have a right to be ticked over this?
We have the skids and my BS6 every other week. Skids spend Friday to Friday with us and my BS spends Monday to Monday with us so it always works out to where we have all the kids with us every other weekend. The skids were supposed to come today but FH's parents are taking them camping tonight because they have to go pick up another one of the grandkids out of town today so they decided they would like to take the kids and go camping. FH said that was fine if they took skids with them. I am a little ticked that they didn't ask if my BS wanted to go along as well. Every weekend we always make sure to include all the kids in any activity that is going on. And it is not like they don't know my BS because he has spent a lot of time with them (they live right down the same street as us). So today BS asked me what day it was and I told him Friday and knows skids come on Fridays but I told him they weren't coming until tomorrow because they had other plans. I didn't want to tell him they were going camping with FH's parents because I don't want him to feel left out.
Also, they are having a family reunion next weekend and FH had to arrange with BM to get the skids for part of next weekend but nobody has asked me if I can get BS. I just feel like he shouldn't be left out of these things. I realize we aren't married yet but we do consider ourselves a family. I know that I wouldn't send BS to go on an activity with my parents without including the skids. What do you guys think? Am I just being a sensitive mama bear or what?
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Is your
Is your BS also your FH child?
I understand this a lot
My family does everything to include SD, even though SD is so horrible to me. But DH's family? They do send a b=day card or Christmas presents, and if they visit or we visit them they treat them fine. But SD gets invited to spend the week, or five weeks with SIL/BIL. They would never consider asking my sons, who look up to them as grandparents/aunt and uncle.
As a matter of fact, SD refused to go to her grandparents with me, made a big stink about it b/c she had just been there. I was stopping in on my way to one of Stepwitch's cabin retreat weekends. MIL and FIL offered to keep BD 3 (then 2) for me, and I was bringing SD to help with BD, which SD has always complained about my not trusting her to babysit. Then when given the opportunity, SD complains about it.
So I asked BSs instead and they were so excited to spend a few days with DH's parents without the drama of SD there. But MIL? Was miffed when I asked if they could come instead, because SD didn't want to leave town again after just getting back (didn't tell her SD was refusing to go.) MIL then discouraged me from staying an extra day to visit with her on my way back through. FIL was a gem and is great with the boys. He also really seems to genuinely enjoy my visits but MIL, seemed stressed and was irritated I felt the need to attend a SM retreat.
Last visit there when I wasn't around MIL put me down to DH for not working among other things and DH said he was done visiting them because of it.
I am so used to my family's attitude about all of us being family, how they invite each of the kids including SD to spend one on one time with them or spend the night, and DH's family? Nada. The fact that MIL and BIL/SIL are nice and send a gift is enough for them. However...I am held to a higher standard than SD's own mother is.
Sucks.
Yes
I'd be ticked too, and I get mad when this happens at our house. The thing is though is that some grandparents don't know how to be stepgrands.. sometimes they need a little help in this area. My MIL/FIL are these types. I know because of who they are that they don't do it maliciously. It hurts my feelings all the same, and I know it hurts my sons feelings when he hears about it. They're slowly getting better though... slowly..but you know.
normal
I think it would be normal to feel hurt, but at the same time, I might take the opportunity to have some special "alone" time w/my BioKid, like back in the old days before you met DH. So, for me, I would look at it as an opportunity to spend time with your son without having to deal w/ skids. But that's just me. I take advantage of every opportunity to spend time alone w/ my own kids, just like old times. So I don't get hurt by this & in reality, who are my kids to DH's family? I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. My kids really enjoy having me all to themselves. I also have a girlfriend who does things alone w/ her bio-son. He's 18 now, but still lives w/her. they are going golfing today after work, just the two of them. she always makes it a point to do something alone w/her son.
I would be upset too.
We have these issue also. My parents usually take my two kids for atleast one night on the weekend that the skids are at their mothers. But they have never had the skids stay the night. My skids play football but bio doesnt, and my parents have never come to watch skids play. But baseball all three play and my parents will come to a couple of bios games, but they never watch skids.
As far as b-days and gifts etc, my parents are fair and equal...but I am sure the skids notice the difference.
My parents do it because they feel that skids get too much attention, money, etc... My bio kids do not have their dad in their life, he has been in and out of jail. My bio's changed daycare, schools, and homes to become part of this family and the skids didnt. It really isnt there place to "equal" things out and I have made it clear that in OUR home things are equal and we dont do that...but I digress.
When we fist moved here my kids went to daycare with the skids...the three boys are all about the same age (10, 11, and 11) and my the skids would get asked to someones house and not my son or stuff like that...it is hard to see your baby feel left out or hurt.
I dont blame you one bit!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
IMO, You have a right to be
IMO, You have a right to be ticked over everything in our situation!