The All Mighty Buck!
Update on my parents fight over CS &college $$ for my 2 younger brothers.UGGH! My mom took my advice, and before proceeding with the lawyer she found, she went to the court house herself, and got her divorce decree on her own, to see what it said about their current situation.Of course she did not entirely forget, but needs it to proceed in getting the $$ from my dad. Well it does state that he is supposed to pay CS till the age of 23, as long as the boys are in college, and also half of their college education!!! He signed and agreed to it at the time of the divorce, so I guess thats it for him. One of my brothers is not in school right now, and is working full time, don't know if he plans to go back or not, he is 21 right now. My other brother just turned 18, and graduates H.S. this June, and plans to go to college. It's not that I disagree that education is important, and if it is agreed apon in the divorce to do all this, then you can't let the kids down when they are ready to go. BUT, why should C.S. continue to go to the BM. The kid is an adult, it should go to him,???(and they account for how it is spent) I know that sounds crazy, but in a perfect world the BM's could still be "in charge" of the $$, and be responsible adult on how it is spent insted of the "kid/young adult", but as we see time and time again, BM's can be very irresponsible with the CS $$, even the whole time they get it. I don't even think their should be CS for kids who go to college, if the other parent is paying for half of their education. I know that school takes time away from them being able to support themselves, as they can't work full time, but they can work part time, and then the BM can help with living expenses, while the father helps with schooling costs (and vice-versa). I have watched my brother be so irresponsible, as a 21 year old, cause he was not helping to pay for any expenses he was causing.....no rent, food, he even fell behind on car payments and insurance. Our mom bailed him out. He also quit several jobs. He lives at home with mom, so it was easy for him as he would not "lose" anything. Now because of massive debt, he is working full time, and my mom told him that if he screws up again, he'll be S.O.L. We'll see. I wonder just where the CS $$ was going?? Sorry if this offends any one, I'm just a bit jaded on this subject. I'm so glad my DH is "18, and out." So my parents are back at it again, over $$, and of course it brings up alot of past hurts for my mom. I have heard this for the past 16 years with them, I'm so tired! 
- Chel Bell's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
i dont get this either
since when are parents OBLIGATED to fund college for their kids??? dont get me wrong, its wonderful if they can afford to help or pay for it all, but thats not very realistic. whatever happened to good old fashioned student loans and scholarships??? thats how i did it...my mom couldnt afford to help me out at all, and BD NEVER paid a dime CS...so i worked my ass off in HS, got good grades, got a decent scholarship and took out loans to pay the rest. AND i worked 2 jobs while i was in school and still managed to graduate a semester early w a double major and a 3.7 GPA. so it CAN be done. like i said, GREAT if u as a parent CAN afford to help, but it shoudl not be MANDATORY in ANY divorec decree. bs. i feel bad for ur dad. likely he signed just to keep mom happy and get it all over w asap...poor guy.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I SO agree with you
We are going through court custody issues right now, and BM wants DH to pay for ALL of SD15's college expenses. I totally disagree. My parents did "help" me with college expenses. But I got scholarships, grants, and loans. I did work study and then worked about 30 hours a week while I was in school.
SD still hasn't worked a day in her life (not even babysitting). She'll turn 16 in two months and told DH she expects money from him to buy a car. And he plans to give it to her! I know she'll go to college and goof off on OUR money.
and PLUS
its REALLY easy to screw around in college and not get good grades. dont u think if the kid at least partially pays for it, he/she will likely do better instead of just blowing mommy and daddys money on beer???
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I went back to school full time at 26 and did not get a dime.
Financial aid my butt! I went back to school full time when I was 26. Mom and Dad Rags had not contributed a dime to my part time education/full time business for more than 5 years.
When I went in to the financial aid office they demanded a copy of my parents tax returns. I WAS 26 !!!!!!!!!!!
I told them there was not a snowballs chance in hell that they would get a copy of my parents tax return but I gave them 5 years worth to mine. When I told my Dad that story he just laughed and said, nope, no chance of getting a copy of my parents tax return.
I got ZERO grants, ZERO scholarships and ZERO subsidized loans. All I could get were Supplemental School Loans at higher interest rates. Which I used and paid off ASAP.
The interesting thing was when I went in to the office to try to get financial aid a young woman entered at the same time. They asked for her parents tax returns. She replied that she did not know who her father was and that her mother was on welfare though she did not live with her mother. She lived with her GrandMother who was also on welfare.
She got a single page form to fill out, I got a stack. A month later when I went in to pick up my loan check she was there picking up her tens of thousands of dollars of grants and scholarships. :jawdrop:
NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS PISSED AND LET THE MORONS IN THE F.A. OFFICE HAVE IT IN NOT TOO PLEASANT LANGUAGE! THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP ..... IDIOTS! As you can tell I still have zero use for the FA office and it is almost 20 years later. Grrrrrr!
That is when I came to the realization that anyone in this country can get a college education if they have the motivation to do the work. If family won't help, you can do it on your own by working and getting school loans. If your parents are welfare folks you can even go to school for free.
I believe that there should be no grants or scholarships up front. It should all be on loans regardless of family financial status. For low income students the grant and scholarship money should kick in at the end of the semester based on grades and pay off the loan for that semester. That way if the kid fails or quits they take the debt with them. If Mom and Dad want to help they can pay off the loan at the end of the semester.
The key is that kids perform or they eat the debt. And for those with parents willing or capable of helping ....... DON"T PISS OFF MOM AND DAD!
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
bella...
you continue to amaze me, what you have done for yourself is the same things that I tell my own daughter to aspire for. It makes you strong, and independent. Not to mention very bright.
My father most likely agreed to it because he felt at the time that it was the "right" thing to do, not really thinking into the future, just thinking about the day, you know."~waiting on the world to change~"
aw chel thanks :)
i didnt write that to pat myself on the back BUT its nice to get the pat from u!! lol! really though ive always prided myself on my independence...momma raised me that way, and if she hadnt, god knows where i wouldve been after she died
and imagine, I myself was a child of divorce and a TRUE deadbeat dad who never helped my mom AT ALL. an di think i turned out okay 
youre saying that is all too kind though...*blushing*
honestly though, it just amazes me what these poor guys get sucked into. some of them deserve it YES and some dont pay nearly enough and some dont pay at all...but to me, college is a privilege, and if youre lucky enough to get in, be the adult and make it happen. nothing wrong w getting help from ur parents, but it shouldnt be mandatory is all im saying. of course ur dad did it bc he wanted to, thought it was the rite thing. and now he has to suffer/struggle for it. not fair.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I'm in college too
right now, online, and pay the tuition. (it's affordable as well), and I plan to keep moving forward with my education so when my son starts school, I can work with children again. Of course the expenses are mine to pay for, at the old age of 36, but even if I was 20, I feel that they would still be mine. Hell, at the age of 20, I was married, and working my butt off to "live", owned a home when I was 21, and had my first child at 23. My Ex and I did it all by ourselves, no help from anyone but eachother. We had some really tough times too, believe me. I can't imagine living off my parents at that stage in my life, and when I was taking classes back then to work in day care, I paid for them myself. I'm not bitter about it, I'm proud. My life went a different path than my brothers,that is for sure, but I think it made me a more responsible person over all."~waiting on the world to change~"
It us my undertstanding that CS for College age kids goes to ...
the kid and not the Ex.
At least that is the case in my SS's Judgement. As long as he is a full time college student with C's or better CS goes directly to him and not to my wife.
I would be surprised if that is not the case in most agreements/court orders.
Also, if he ever falls out of compliance as far as full time student status or grades go them CS ends and will not be reinstated by the court. At that point BioDad has to agree to continue to pay it and in my SS's BioDad's case that ain't happenin.
Best regards,
In all
BioD cases that isn't happening! No way is someone going to hand a large check off to a 18 or 20 year old if they don't have to. Certainly not after years of CS. If my H gives SD any money during her college years it better be for a good reason! (Note--CS order for us is till she is 18 or out of high school--her b-day is in June same as graduation--THANK THE LORD)