Because I really don't give a F~!
Sorry....but need to "vent" this out. I love my MIL, I really do, buuuut some times I really want to tell her (insert title of this post). MIL called on Tues. night, DH was not home yet, but came in while I was talking w/ her. We were in the middle of talking about the skids, and she said she wished that DH would try to make contact w/ SS, by calling him on his cell phone. I reminded her that he did call before, a while ago, and never got a call back. My DH does not want to call BM's house, for obviouse reasons, and was hoping to hear from SS at some point after leaving the message on his cell. MIL says that when she calls SS, she tries his cell phone first as well, and never gets a call back either, and then she calls BM's house and they "screen " the call and then SS picks up when he realizes it's MIL. What a game! Well, we don't feel like playing games anymore, this is how I feel, and I told her this....DH tried to call, and never heard back from SS, we sent letters to both skids via MIL (to make sure they got them) telling them how much we love and miss them, and MIL gives them pic.'s of us and stuff, we do B-day pres. & christmas pres. the same way now, as the last time we sent SD gift to her house, we never got any response, no thank-you...nothing. Sooooo anyways, MIL wants DH to try to call SS cell again, and leave messages to him , even if he does not return the calls. The thing we/ I worry about is it causing a fuss w/ BM, as it has in the past, and if BM starts calling our cell (the only way they have left to contact us)....then we will have to change the #, and BM and the skids will be S.O.L.! My MIL knows this could happen, but she feels it is important for DH to try to "connect" with SS.....and I agree, don't get me wrong, but at what cost, and how far do we have to push it??? I for one, am sick of begging these skids for love!!! UGH! And my MIL is telling me all this like it's my problem to fix, or that I should know how important this is.....and I do but COME ON! I talk to my kids every day.....because they CAN ! My Ex and I don't use our kids to get back at each other, or make them feel as if they must "obey what I say". After MIL tells me all this, and said if s**t hits the fan, it will be all her fault, and she'll understand about changing the #, etc. I tell her that DH is home, and she can talk to him.....but they don't talk about this. After he gets off the phone with her, I told him her suggestion. DH says he'll try to call SS again, but I don't think he wants to push it much either....he's just over the whole thing. I think he was going to try today. We'll see. It just bothers me , the skids are 15 &161/2 years old, and they can't call their dad......whateva! If this does open up a can of worms , the # will be changed! Then all communications will be thru MIL. I'll feel bad for it to come to that......but not THAT bad!
- Chel Bell's blog
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I agree Chell...
you can lead a horse to water...ya know? You can only do so much with the skids then it's up to them!
tell MIL to mind her own business!!!!!!!!!
it is up to DH what he wants to do and she needs to respect his wishes! serioulsy! what is wrong w these interfering MILs?? im sure she realizes y'all are grateful for all she does to help out w the situation, so why cant SHE tell SS to call his dad if shes so hell bent on butting in!!!!!!????
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Thank you Bella.....
that's a great thought, may have to use that one! This is how it always is w/ the skids, and that's how they end up running the show, just like their mother. The world is supposed to bend over for them, we are supposed to treat them like celebrities!! I think NOT!"~waiting on the world to change~"
well im so sick of these meddling MILs
treating these skids like everyone has to bow at their feet!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
My MIL...
thinks it's very important for SS to to know just how much his dad loves him, and by trying to make contact, no matter what the out come, is supposed to do the trick??? That kid saw first hand just how much we/his dad loves him.....we gave up everything for him, and got screwed big time. If he does not know by now how his dad feels, he never will! And what about my DH, and his feelings! It would make his day to hear from his son.....a day that I don't see coming any time soon! :("~waiting on the world to change~"
Chel we are going through this right now
I agree with you. My FH finally told the BM off almost a month ago and SD15 1/2 has not spoken to us since. He has called her cell every other day - which he PAYS for - and left messages and she won't return his calls. They have had a great relationship for all these years and SD has never seen her parents together cuz they broke up before she was even born and BM is now telling her all these lies that FH doesn't care about her he only cares about EMA which is BS. So I know my Fh is really hurt about this but he says he is ok cuz he said what am I supposed to do. It is my own fault for always backing down when fighting with BM and for me not having a backbone all these years and sticking up for myself and I have let BM walk all over me I agree with you how far are you supposed to push the issue to make the kid talk to you? She knows her dad has always been there and provided her with everything that she has needed and she is not a little kid. I'm 40 but I remember being 16 and trust me I was not worried about my parents at all. Our therapist told us well I will tell you one thing as soon as SD needs something she will be calling you. We have already been through enough drama with the BM and neither one of us is going to back down now - SD has always been great but I think we have reached a point that if she is going to be a little you know what then we will just have to wait and say. Of course in the meantime my FMIL tells my FH he should call the house phone and he is like no because that is what the BM wants she wants him to call so she can have the opportunity to talk all her crap again and he is so done. As far as I am concerened - and I hate to be like this because I truly like SD - we are better off not dealing with any of this crap until SD is out on her own without the influence of BM.
yeah i agree
relationships...ANY relationships...are a two way street. how much can u give w nothing in return? SS is completely capable of sneaking a call to u guys and if he cant, he could at least tell MIL to tell u hi, ya know? his situation can only be used as an excuse for so much.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I really hope...
that my MIL does not think that this is some how my fault! I don't keep DH from talking to his kids...their fat @** mother does, and they just go along with it. I bet any $$ I have left that BM told SS...."call your dad on that phone, and it's gone".....yeah, I know all her tricks! I could so see her saying that. "~waiting on the world to change~"
I know how you feel
I always think that someone in his family or my FH thinks his kid not talking to him is my fault. I have asked him a few times and he says no of course not but I can bet you all those people back in their hometown think that since I came along that he is so mean to BM now by not wanting to talk to her 40 times a month and that I must be controlling him. She is a witch and he was always scared she would turn his kid against him well lo and behold that is what she is doing anyway. I agree with B - relationships are a two way street and teenagers are certainly capable of making their own decisions and it's not like they all don't have their own cell phones.
well....
I just wrote my MIL an e-mail, and told her that I understand that communication is important between DH & SS, and that my DH is going to call SS cell phone, and leave him a message(we know he will not answer), but I told her that the next time she sees SS , to encorage SS to call his dad once in a while too. It's a 2 way street, and he should show his dad the same respect that he himself deserves. I also noted that if we don't hear from him, then we will let it be, DH is not going to chase after him. We will continue to send cards , letters, gifts and such, but the issue with the phone calls will be a dead one, so to speak. I worded my e-mail nicely, as I love my MIL, and I know she tries, but enough already. Some times you just have to agree to disagree."~waiting on the world to change~"
good stuff chel
well worded
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I feel ya
We go thru these 'no call zones' w/SD17 all the time. She eventually will call when she wants something - seriously! So I am just disengaging from her emotionally and let her go her own way, and even though it hurts DH very much I hope he is too.
Because if SD/BM give up their war on DH, they cannot manipulate him to pay for things!! They are not about to call a truce, even after 13 years divorced!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin