I do set them chores and I do give them stuff to do and they do suffer consequences but it seems with ADHD, as Dawn has said, they start into it and 2 minutes later they're on to the next thing, you have to be pretty darn consistent with these kids and sometimes I just can't be bothered with it because I either absolutely have to get some stuff done of my own or I'm just mentally drained. On top of that my husband blames the ADHD for all bad behaviour when clearly this cannot be the case because both kids are medicated so this is supposed to correct the ADHD somewhat. When these kids are at my house I have to focus all my energy on them 100% whether it be giving them quality time as a stepmom or teaching them to be responsible with chores etc. At least when they're at school my day is somewhat better because I have until 3.30 to myself - ohhhh, roll on September. I currently have my SD13 doing her own laundry and of course it's killing me because so far she's ruined a full load of lights by putting in a new pair of jeans with them, she then stopped doing full loads and now it's "let's wash an outfit one at a time the night before the day I want to wear it" or let's put too much soap in and have the machine rinse for 2 hours longer, or let's leave my washed wet clothes in the machine while I'm at my mom's so they're all nice and mildewy when I return. My SS9 on the otherhand has fewer chores but still has some but his latest deal was to throw a whopper of a strop last night because he fell over my dog's treat on the floor and hurt his toe. He screams at the top of his voice that I love the dog more than I love him - this day stinks, this is the worst day, he hates this day, he hates everything and everyone. After a full day of chasing them round and then being hit with that even the best biomom in the world would be exhausted. Of course I sent him straight to bed and took his favourite toy off him for a week but it seems with ADHD consequences have little impact because they just move on to the next thing. Today he was obsessing over something else. I gladly packed them off to biomom, I think I've earned a well deserved break.

because I figured what was the point in getting myself upset, of course when I told my husband, he says to me - well he probably really hurt his toe and you know his medicine has worn off - it's like "hey, why do I even share this stuff with you" I love my hubby to pieces but I could gladly wring his neck in these situations. He's why we have the problem we have - it bugs me no end that the biodad's always seem to let the kids do whatever just to keep the kids happy and wanting to still come to your house, I've seen this over and over on this site in what we're all writing, I mean what is really so different - if the dad has custody the kid has to come just like if both parents were still together the kid would have to live at their house - since when do kids make the decisions - they should still have rules and discipline, I've never seen so many snotty and arrogant kids as I have recently, they think the world owes them a living, my SD13 is talking about what kind of new convertible car she'll be driving in a few years and my ding dong hubby is all about it, in my day I worked part-time and earned money for my first 8 year old car that was chocolate brown and very uncool but I didn't care - I had wheels and I was thankful, many kids didn't. And one thing you can be sure of - my SD will take it all for granted - anyway, no point dwelling on it - I do the best I can. I did get a compliment the other day on how positive an influence I have been on them from someone who hasn't seen them in a long time who couldn't believe how well behaved they were - that validated what I'm doing, the little things validate all of what each and every one of us is trying to do, we can only do our best with what we've got. I'm finally realising this and enjoying my family a lot more because of it.