Teenagers and restaurants
OMG - I have to get another person's viewpoint on this - major vent - maybe I am just way off base here and need someone objective to tell me so but I don't think so ..... so today after Church we are trying to come up with a few ideas for eating lunch out on a budget since money is relatively tight at the minute, actually money is always tight. So anyway we finally end up at a restaurant and my SD15 asks for a starter and then an entree that costs $13.49. My DH says yes, no questions asked, this is a major red button for me and he knows it since history repeatedly shows that SD orders expensive items and then leaves half the meal or brings it home to rot in my refrigerator until I finally throw it out. I shoot my DH a look and he does nothing. I order the cheapest thing next to my SS10. So all 4 of us share the starter SD wanted but really none of us needed it and then of course when the main meal came SD couldn't eat it. What a surprise!!!!!! She did eat the salmon but left everything else. Did she take a box? No - she didn't want one. When she caught my DH and I exchanging glances when the bill came and it was $70 when I planned originally on spending $40 max she says in her whiney little voice "what's wrong SM?" why are you smirking? Gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - what is wrong with my DH that he can't just reel her in and explain that the $200 we spent on cheer for her this week and the $250 overage on her cellphone bill that we have to find in our budget this month (which she has no consequences for other than to take her phone away but to let her use the house phone freely - another grrrrrrrr) and her $30 haircut all add up? How can I handle this with my DH? I'm sick of carrying the burden of shuffling money around to make ends meet so SD can do whatever the heck she likes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and double grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Well, at least I feel better. Thanks for listening 
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Ask him...
"Honey, since SD's phone bill was $250 over, would you prefer me to use the money I was going to use to pay your car payment or will you or she be getting a job to cover this added expense?"
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
I know the feeling...
What I eventually had to do was threathen DH's life. Just kidding. I started making my voice heard such as...while at the restaurant when SD starts to order tell her absolutely not. We DO NOT have the money for that and unless you plan on paying then you order something cheaper. Since she went $250.00 over on her cell phone...she needs to pay for it by doing chores for you. I put a stop to my SD having a cell phone. I think it's ridiculous for them to even get one at that age! All they do is talk to boys....or sit in silence on the phone with them while they're watching the same show on T.V. or gossip with their friends. I didn't have a cell phone when I was 15 and I managed just fine. When she is on your home phone then tell her to get off. Say what she has to say and get off. Remember it's YOUR phone...not hers. My 80 year old grandmother had to remind me of that. Good Luck.
Triple Grrrrrrrrrrrr
So I just tried to talk to my hubby - got nowhere - he basically told me that because his was $16 he didn't see it as a problem and when I pointed out that he and I were paying the bill and that neither he nor I had an overage in our phone bill he basically started getting in my face that I should have been the one to say flat out to SD "no". Oh I'm sorry but I thought you were the parent and I already talked to you before we went in the restaurant - I had to walk away from him or I really would have let rip - grrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrr, I'm so frickin' irritated with him - he is such a complete ass at times. I wish I could work him over as well as my SD does.
Unfortunately us SM are
Unfortunately, us SMs are sometimes put in the position that we have to put our foot down. I would make the cp disappear and the next time we make plans to go eat I would say you have a choice I will run through MD drive through and get you a burger or when we get there you will stay on our budget. If your H doesn't understand then you need to tell him he doesn't make enough money to support his daughter in the way that he would like so either he or she needs to get another job to pay the bill. Sorry, but sometimes, dad and the kd need tough love.
Sounds like after your last update that your H does not have enough balls to tell her no. So its up to you to tell her no. Dont let the kd walk all over you because she will not respect you when she does it.
When everything comes so
freely and with no consequence why wouldn't she run up minutes on her cellphone in silence as she watches tv and paints her toenails. Wow, I think I need to go back to Church again today - I have no rational thinking right now - just irritation and frustration - and I just read SD's revised Christmas list - I might implode - she has listed a pink wii as top of her list - when I ask her what it is - I know but I know she doesn't - she says " I don't know but I want it in pink " -"will you use it" - "maybe". "so why would we get you it" "because I'm a princess and I want it" "whatever the princess wants the princess gets"
I have said no
in the past but we recently started counselling and the therapist said my DH should be the one to correct her or say no since both SK's have no boundaries with him. He really isn't doing very well with this - maybe this is why I'm so ticked about the restaurant - I try to help him out by gently reminding him when no-one is looking or I say general things to the kids to soften the blow but he just never follows through - SD's grades came through yesterday and aren't great - she is listed as missing classes when we know she should have been there - we talked about how he should handle this and when she asks him later that day if she can go out to a game - he says sure no problem - take my phone with you and here's $20. It's hard to keep fighting a losing battle.
Are you kidding me????
That princess needs to be demoted to a peasant's servant! Put her ASS to work!!! Let DH get mad. If he doesn't like it then "princess" and him along with the pink wii can move to the damn motel 6. Tell him that you'll more than happy to collect on child support payments. Also...she might think that she's a princess but YOU'RE THE QUEEN AND DON'T FORGET IT!
Yep
I always have to be the bad guy too!!! Dh will say that ss should be able to get things as long as he eats them. Excuse me, we're on a budget too! He'll say that he's a growing boy. Fine, but grow on chicken instead of steak! Ss pouts when he doesn't get to order whatever the expensive thing is he wants to order. Sometimes I just tell ss straight out that he has a choice of this or that and not the most expensive thing on the menu. Then he always complains that DAWN wouldn't let me get it.
I have a feeling that this is going to get to be more of a problem as ss gets older. Oh, and it doesn't help that bm lets ss order whatever he wants. She has ss less than we do so she doesn't have to pay for him nearly as much. So, yeah, when she takes him out she just lets him order freely. I'm sure that ss and bm then get to sit there and complain about how DAWN won't let him order things and he goes hungrey, yada, yada, yada!
Dawn
I always speak up myself...
Maybe it's not ideal, but I am always the menu police with all the kids. My SD would order things like lobster if I didn't put a stop to it. So, when we are at a restaurant, before we order, I always ask what everyone is getting, If they are getting something that is too much, I just tell them no, they will have to choose something that is less. I am not rude about it, and I don't think you have to be, it is just another "house rule", the same for every kid.
As for the cell phone, if she is going to continue to have it, get her on a plan where you pre-buy a certain amount of minutes per month. If she goes over, her phone won't work for the rest of the month.
Best of luck!
My SS is the big meal order king!!
Ok so my SS11 is as big as a small bird. He is skinny and short for his age. When I cook, which I have told many times I am very good at, SS picks and nibbles and usually eats less than half whats on his plate. But we go to McDonalds and he gets the biggest meal and eats every scrap. I say nothing. I try this. I say to SS as you never eat whats on your plate, you will now serve your own, so there isn't waste, just get what you can eat and we'll all be happy. Still he leaves half what HE put on his plate.
So next time we got to McDonalds he asks for a jumbo meal, I get him a happy meal. He sulks DH goes off his nut and says SS can order what he likes, I say not with my wallet and since you don't have yours give him half your meal if you want. We go to a restaurant and he orders a huge steak, I just sit there looking dumbfounded at my DH, who glares and indicates I leave the subject alone. He gets his giant steak, eats half and none of the side. Point taken.
When we get home I talk to SS, if we go to McDonalds or any take out in the future you will be bought the same amount of food you eat at home. He has since started ordering more size efficiently and eats a little more at home. But he still tries to sneak half his "self poured" cereal into the bin before I walk into the kitchen..boils my blood too!!
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Thanks guys for letting me vent
I got into it again this evening with my DH and I showed him your posts - he finally had to concede he should have taken some form of action. He did have a chat with SD about a few things but said that the whole restaurant thing was his fault - I'm not sure I agree on that - I think yes, he was at fault but she should know better, in fact I know she knows better. Anyway I guess, for the time being, he has challenged her behaviour somewhat - I just wish he would stay on it and be consistent. I guess that's what I am here for - to remind him when he doesn't but geez some days it's harder than others. Oh, and we still have no action plan for the cellphone. To answer s.o.'s question we would put her on pay as you go but we'd have to pay $175 to cancel our existing family plan and then buy her the phone and minutes so for now we'll pay the overage and she can do without until she and DH come up with a plan for earning it back. I'd love to give her it back as a Christmas present with nothing else. The look on her face would be priceless. My DH would never go for it though. Shame!!!!
Imperial's Outrank Princesses and Drama Queens
Let Her be "Princess" PITA, Empress SM is Bigger and Meaner...
One of My kids nicknames is Princess, and Yes I gave it to Her, BUT I AM GOD EMPEROR, and Their Mother is EMPRESS, Consort of The God Emperor, So We Imperials Rule, not the peasants. The Impoerial treasury can't afford even Mickey D's and when We atretch it to, as a treat, Damned Skippy the kids can be happy with a Big Kid's Meal, with pop, NO SHAKES,etc. when it's The Emperor's Wallet at the register, or TDB, NADA FOR YOU...
I used to take (B)Son to nicer places, when it was only Me and Him,
but with 6 or 7 kids, and 2 adults, there ain't no way...
If I(or We) could take the kids one or maybe two at a time, without dealing with a whole world of whining and attitude, I might think about it.
Steve
You are not alone
The same thing happens in my family.
For example, husband decided to take SD14 to dinner for her birthday. And he let her bring a friend along. SD and friend and husband ordered $19 items. I ordered $12 item and fed BD3 off my plate. Total bill was $110. I was so mad...
Another time, we went to a barbecue restaurant for my birthday. Ordered family meals, and SD had a pouting fit because she wanted to order a separate item because she didn't like anything we had ordered. We ordered chicken, ham, pork, beef, ribs, and burnt ends. Are you kidding me she couldn't find something she liked? I put my foot down, and she pouted the whole meal, and husband spent the whole time rubbing her back and commiserating with her.
I have gotten to the point where we do not go to dinner when we have SD. It's not worth the hassle of going to Applebees and having her order fajitas and then ONLY eat the chicken and tortillas, nothing else.
It's your money too.
This sounds bad but
we don't take the kids out to restaurants. If my husband does, it is on his dime (after bills are paid)& because we don't combine funds, it doesn't bother me.
FOR ME, I am a big believer in not combining cash because I would feel resentful & I don't want to live like that.
We used to take the skids
We used to take the skids out a lot.. Not anymore.. they are just never happy w/what they get.. and most recent.. we were w/my inlaws at a restaurant.. my FIL ordered a ceaser salad for his meal.. it came about 2 - 3 mins before the kids meals came.. my ss makes a comment "those crutons sure look good" oblivious to ss's begging.. my FIL continues to eat.. ss comments again "those crutons sure look good" FIL still not understanding (since he raised his two boys to NOT beg for food from an adult) ss again.. "those crutons sure look good" ME(not DH) ME.. SS.. that is your gf's meal stop begging for crutons, your meal will be out shortly.. (and of course it was!)
DH got made at me.. he wasnt begging for food!! OH!!!! he wasnt??? looked and sounded like it to me. Did I mention that ss was licking his lips after each statement about the stupid crutons?
NOPE.. dont take them unless there is nothing else in the house or the inlaws are visiting.