Memorial Weekend, and Fishing SO * Update to self-absorbed tween
Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice and commentary - it truly is a blessing to have your knowledge and experience available!
SO went fishing and took Munchkin STB12 with him and she caught a VERY large fish, we went to BBQ and had a great time, and CLove had her own personal time most of the weekend. To read, ponder, hang with dog = whatever!
Monday, memorial day, was a beach day, so we headed off to the beach. Munchkin wanted to take a friend along, because as she said "I might be BORED". I went a little ballistic and said "hey boring people are bored! And perhaps we just shouldnt go..." I was pretty mad. She got upset. We talked it out, and I told her "you know what, I just felt like it was a put down when you said that. It might be nicer of you to say something like how much you really enjoy being with your friends, instead of just 'I might be bored, I dont want to be bored, just going to the beach with you and dad'. I think she got it. We picked up her friend, and she was a delightful little kid, and we all had a blast at the beach. Kids arent so scary after all!
I did admit to her that it was my first real 'play date' with a friend of hers in a really long time, and that as soon as I was able to relax I could enjoy things and not stress. She thought it was kind of funny - the idea of an adult being nervous around kids, and actually being honest about it. Im not certain she understands, but I figure that she absorbs it anyway and it will make sense later.
Short version - EVERYONE got to do what they wanted, and we all had a day/weekend to remember.
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Comments
Honestly, I think I can
Honestly, I think I can understand where the girl was coming from and it was in no way meant as a slap to anyone's face. At 12, kid's peer group become more important to them vs family.. it's kind of like nature's way of weaning them...lol. So, while she still is fine with some family time like the fishing trip.. kids kind of go through "friend withdrawal" a bit in longer stretches.. so I can completely understand her desire to bring a friend to the beach. I actually think her excuse of boredom was both partially accurate and designed to actually spare feelings. Nothing personal but 12 yos want to go do 12 yo stuff and splash around with their friend.. not their parents. It's nice that in the end, you did invite the friend and probably discovered that as we did.. the kids can actually be less of a bother if they are entertaining themselves with a buddy. (as long as they and their friend are trustworthy..lol). I know that you probably are raw from past interactions and that caused your reaction but I don't think she really meant what you thought.
Exactly!
I had a moment of clarity on this - and while watching them together thought the very same thing. I did apologise for being a little tough on her, but this is all new to me, this aspect. I see her always wanting to be with her friends and am accepting it. LOL. Its a big change for everyone! And they entertained each other, took all the pressure off me and SO, she was fun too, so it was a diverse crew, and she was polite and helpful.
I still maintain that the family is a place where they learn life skills and should not have the expectation of allways being entertained. Since when is it anyones responsibility to entertain this child? Why do I need to stress over whether or not she is BORED? If I have to live with constant threat of her boredome, Id rather just not go anywhere. Why spend the money on gas, and all the rest if there is this cloud of possible/probably boredome?
Thats where I was coming from and I am not sure it came across well, but I expect it to come up again during this summer. The thing is, her mother, Toxic BM NEVER takes her anywhere and never does anything with her. However, she does have a pool at the apartment complex, she is kid-friendly, so there can be playdates, but she just never does anything healthy with her daughter, so she just kind of sits there like a bump on a log.