It's been a week since BF and his kids came back from their vacation. I know everyone of you told me I should leave him and my head agreed with everyone of you, however my heart was not ready. After knowing I would have a place to go, I believed he had a change of heart too. Typical, I know, all that "I don't want you to go" stuff, blah...blah...blah, I know. But I didn't agree to try again because of his "talk", I want to give it one last try because my heart was not ready to walk away yet, no matter how strong my head's opinion was. I am risking one day you all might say "I told you so", I guess my heart just needs to reach that point of no return before truly giving up. He agreed he would do his part to make it fair for everybody. Still it doesn't sound very promising to me since fairness is subjective, what is fair anyway? Anyhow, I am giving myself a deadline which I didn't mention to him. I moved in with him on Feb 20 this year, so the same day next year will be one year and that is the deadline I am giving myself. I am giving him one year of my life, if still no progress until then, that will be it.

While his kids are here, I only do one thing which is focusing on remembering the good times we have when we are with each other. It doesn't make it better but it does make it easier to get through the dark-clouds-days. When I catch myself about to lose in the frustrated thoughts about them, I do as the GPS does; recalculate and change direction, so I don't end up in a dead end destination. I am still trying to do this, can't say it's easy, actually it's very hard but I am giving my best since this is REALLY my last try, either make it or break it.