Pics with BM
it was step son's first day of kindergarten this morning. both my husband and bm were separately snapping pictures of their son. I walk away for a minute and when I come back my dh is handing me bm's camera and he asks (awkwardly) if I will take a picture of him with bm and their son together with her camera. bm is watching him ask me this because she is the one who put him up to it...it was not dh's idea.so, he asks me if it's okay. I replied "that's weird" and then dh snapped back into reality and told bm that he wasn't going to do it.I am still confused about what just happened. bm wanted me to take a picture of her with my husband and their son. Was my initial reaction of telling them I am not okay with that, the right move? I know that bm is the type to post pictures all over her facebook and instagram and my concern is that she would post this picture of a "happy family" to include my husband for the world to see.I narrowly see why she wanted the three of them in the picture, for their son to see when he gets older, but is that really wise for him to see them as a family unit in pictures when they are not in real life?My husband did the right thing by asking me if it was okay and then taking my side when I said "no". And, I know that I am now the bad guy in bm's eyes for saying no. Should I have let them take the picture together?
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Not at all appropriate. Glad
Not at all appropriate. Glad you refused.
Nope. Glad you refused. You
Nope. Glad you refused. You walk away for a second & BM try to get back in control of their exes. He quickly snapped back to reality out of hypnosis when you told the truth. Glad you were strong enough to do it.
How did Skid react to your answer?
SS5 had no idea what was
SS5 had no idea what was going on. He was into all the excitement that he wasn't paying attention to us.
Good then I think it was
Good then I think it was handled perfectly.
I think you handled it
I think you handled it perfectly too. Glad your DH snapped out of it fast
That was perfect. I wouldn't
That was perfect. I wouldn't worry too much about what everyone thinks of your choice. Sounds like your DH had trouble saying no and needed you to be the one to point out that it was a dumb idea. It's good that he immediately backed you up.
I would have said no too.
I would have said no too. That's just weird. I even turned our photo stream off of SS's iPhone so BM can't send herself pictures out of our stream.... creepy thing is, she would do it.
Why not take a pic of mom &
Why not take a pic of mom & kid & then dad & kid & move on?
That's how the kids life is. That's reality. Life with mom & then life with dad. Not life with mom & dad. Taking that picture paints a lie for the kid to try and remember having a family that day. If anything I could see a picture in this order (if everyone got along) SF, BM, SKid, BF, SM.
Thank you, because that's how
Thank you, because that's how I feel. I feel like if I would have asked bm to take a picture of just dh, me, and SS5 she would have been mortified at the thought. I made it a point to stay out of all of the pictures when she was around to respect her role as his mom and not flaunt my role in front of her. I feel confused that she would think I would be okay with her 'playing happy family' with my husband.
Absolutely NOT. The nerve of
Absolutely NOT. The nerve of these crazy BMs. Good for you for not allowing it.
I might have taken the
I might have taken the picture but posed them in such a way that they were not even touching and make sure DH was not smiling.
Then I'd have had BM take a picture of me, DH and the kid with arms all interwoven and big smiles. }:) }:) }:)
My SS always does this. He
My SS always does this. He must have a pic with DH and BM together every time they happen to be in the same spot.
My DH always goes with the flow. I HATE it, but it is not a deal breaker for me. DH is adamant that it is no big deal and it does not harm anyone and it make SS happy so it is all good.
It has been about a year since it last happened. Yea...SS was 19 and had to have a pic of him, DH and BM together. Yet again. BARF
**original poster** I think
**original poster**
I think that's great for you. One day maybe my feelings may change. But today when I was put on the spot my initial reaction was "no way" and that was the response she got since she put me on the spot. I worry about ss and I am constantly thinking about how my actions affect him, which is the whole reason I posted this. I was conflicted.
If bm wanted to have a healthy environment for her son, then she should start by acknowledging my hello's to her when we see each other rather than ignoring me in front of my ss. She could take my dh and I up on our offer for all of our families to get together to hang out at a pizza place or something. All of the sudden in that moment at school she wanted to make it look like a happy family, but her actions are 100% opposite of that. Her actions in front of ss would produce a happy child more than that picture ever could.
Um. No! I would have been
Um. No! I would have been pissed if DH had asked me that. It's already weird enough going to that family stuff and looking like the outsider. Ss7 ans Bd7 go to the same school but we have them put in separate classes (more for the teachers sanity) . Back to school orientation days are so awkward! I'm alone in a room with my son then go next door and see DH and BM talking to the teacher like a family. I walk up and the teacher suddenly realizes those two are divorced. Urg. I understand the need for them both to be there, but it doesn't make it any less irritating. I would have accidentally dropped the camera. Lol. Oops!
I would love to have a pic of
I would love to have a pic of myself with my parents together. It will never happen. Such is life. I can see allowing it for a high school or college graduation or the first wedding (Love that FIRST), but that would be it. FDH took a picture with both SDs and BM#1 for the oldest SDs high school graduation. I hope the SDs appreciate that considering how badly their mother was on PASing them and treating FDH as an ATM and punching bag. He did it for the girls and nothing more.
You're fine OP. Would have
You're fine OP. Would have been more ideal for your DH to say no before even bringing you into it. BUT... he did snap out of it. So win win all around.
My parents were married for
My parents were married for 50+ years before both passed away. I don't know if I have any pictures of us together. But I don't care at all.
I grew up before digital cameras, etc so not that many pictures are around anyway.
Separate pics with their son.
Separate pics with their son. That's the way it should go. Your DH is a wuss for even considering it and not telling BM "NO" off the bat. He set you up to be the bad guy.