Me nit picking?
This is my first blog or post .
When me and my bf got together he was a very tentative dad. When he had his kids on the weekends and every other week he made their food got them ready exc.
He also knew the situation with my adoptive son whome I have had since he was 3 but was his sole provider before that. I was the one who actually helped deliver and cut his cord. So a huge bond. He is also my biological nephew.
Fast forward 2 years and we move in together in my house. I have went above and beyond in my opinion to not only make sure his kids have rooms to sleep in but my son also offered his room to my bf son. Then I decided to build an addition because his kids all share rooms at their moms. I wanted them to have their own here. Since then his oldest son who is already beyond spoiled by his mom and his dad decided his room is not good enough. It needs natural wood and shelves and a raised bed so he can play his video games. Meanwhile the girls(twins) just are grateful to have separate beds for the first time ever. Me as a stepmother who is tentative to her own child am constantly concerned about his kids because the bio mom is not around like ever. And when she is home she just buys their attention. Fast forward to my situation now. It has been 4 weeks of me noticing one of the girls urine is brown. I told my bf hey she need to go in. Apparently the mom knew about this and the apparently took her in. However 3 weeks later nothing has changed she peed all over the seat and still brown. I have explained to them how to properly wipe. I have told them about hygiene exc. When I brought it up to my bf again tonight he said I was nit picking and nagging. I told him I'm sorry I'm concerned and don't believe their mother took her in. And if she did she should have noticed 3 weeks later it's still brown. At this point I'm so frustrated cause I feel like I put so much care into their kids and they don't. When I don't care I'm a bitch when I do I'm nagging. What am i suppose to do how I navigate this . There's so many other things in our relationship as far as kids and step parenting go I can't imagine putting it in one.
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Can he take her?
I think you are rightly concerned. Can he take her?
nit picking and nagging --NOT
nit picking and nagging -- absolutely not. This child needs to be seen, or seen, by a doctor.
BF can either tell BM he is taking the child back to the pediatrician or he can take the child to urgent care. Brown urine for weeks is not normal. The cause of the brown urine may be why she is peeing all over the toilet seat.
Yikes
The child clearly needs to see a doctor.
That being said... are you sure you want to stay in this relationship?
He sounds like he's not very nice, appreciative, has sketchy finances (no house of his own, sounds like you paid for all the upgrades), and despite how he ACTED before moving in, he IS a shit parent.
How are he and his kids adding positively to you and your son's life? Or are they they only ones seeing all the positives?
First, welcome.
I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, adn to pick up some useful advice and perspective from others living the blended family adventure.
Now for some perpective. The SP cannot care more than the parents do. Not your spawn, not your problem. Particularly when your SKids have two parents.
You cannot apply your perspective with your own child to your DHs failed family spawn.
Going above and beyond must be recognized and appreciated by your mate. Or.. your mate is just taking advantage of you.
Time to refocus on your life and your son's life.
Though not an exact corelation, I am adoptive father. I adopted my former SS. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he was 2yo. I raised him as my own. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22 which just made official what has always been reality. I am his dad.
My college BFF and his wife adopted her niece right out of the delivery room.
Good people do good things. Good people also often sacrifice themselves to do good things for unworthy and unappreciated people. Don't do that.
Take care of you, take care of your boy. DH and his X need to step up and care for their failed family progeny.
Good luck.
All IMHO of course.
Thanks
Thanks for being both sides of welcome and sharing your personal experiences. It was helpful as I'm not on here often it has been more helpful to just read others posts.
However reading all the comments can be overwhelming. I finally spoke up and just simply said to the bio mom that if she did not bring her in again I would turns out it was severe dehydration.
I know speaking up and doing what I feel is right will show these kids my pure intentions as well as their father. Hoping things can move to a different path in time. Also know I can't hope and change is needed. However I will always take my adopted son and bio son before allowing anything else to happen that could affect their lives.
I replied to you specifically due to your comment reaching out to me the most with diversity thanks
It's not nit picking. But at
It's not nit picking. But at the end of the day, you can't care more than the parents.
Greetings!
And welcome to Steptalk.
My first piece of advice, because you seem really confused and mentioned that there is a LOT more going on that what you put into this one post, is that you read around here and look at the forums.
Your major problem and issue here is NOT the stepkids. It is the bio parents. Since you cannot control what happens in the other BP house, you must take on what happens in YOUR house. I hope that your partner is oaying his share of expenses. I also hope you are taking precautions against pregnancy with this person, because he isnt really good parenting material.
Insist that your partner take his daughter into the doctor pronto. Even though I typically am a proponent to the "cant care more than the bio parents" I typcally refer to this in the case of non-medical issues. Medical issues take things to a different place. The spoiled SS, thats a different issue that we can address at a later date.
This is the time that you need to sit your partner down and have a heart to heart about his daughter.
If she gets rushed to the
If she gets rushed to the hospital, BOTH her parents would get the consequences of neglect which could bring CPS into your home, which could bring your parenting under investigation. So you have to make it clear that SD IS going to see a medical person pronto. If he still drags his feet, I'd suggest thinking long and hard about staying with him and putting yourself under unnecessary stress.
Nit picking? He accuses you
Nit picking? He accuses you of nit picking because you're concerned about his daughter's health???? He sounds like an ungrateful, neglectful loser to me.
I'm sure he has good points you didn't need to mention here, but based on what you've written this guy is a crappy, lazy father. You're doing way more for his kids than he is. What about this man do you find attractive? It sounds like you're overfunctioning for him. I'd step back and focus on your child. And think long and hard about this relationship.
You really have no power.
You really have no power. When my steps got covid and came to visit for winter, I immediately noticed it and told everyone that they had covid. They laughed and called me crazy including BM2 and my husband
Finally I took matters in my own hands. I drove a long way away to a testing location with the steps. After queuing up for over an hr, they turned me away because I was not allowed to get the children tested for covid as I am not a legal guardian. I told them that their father gave me permission and they said no still.
What I learned is that I have no power to do anything medical on my own. That winter, we both caught covid from the children and called BM2 to pick up her kids 1 day early. She was extremely upset and said we "made it up" so she would pick up the children early. Too bad for her, i took a test showing it was positive! She then argued that they caught it at our home but they were sniffing and coughing when we picked them up with red faces!
You can only tell your husband to do his due diligence but if he refuses you have no say so. I even told the testing staff that they were my stepchildren and they scoffed and laughed me out of the queue...
Worry about you and your kids health, thats all you can do
Brown urine is directly take
Brown urine is directly take this child to the doctor. Pump her with fluids - it could be severe dehydration. It could be a UTI , just for goodness sake take the poor thing. The medical centres here won't care who brings in a sick child they will take them immediately and treat them and keep them there until a parent or guardian collects them..
He is a "tentative" father...
He is a "tentative" father... I will fix this for you. he is a "bad" father. Look.. he IS a father.. he has a moral and legal responsibility to care for his kids and provide them a place to live.. food to eat etc.. His kids are not obligated to be "grateful" for this.. to anyone.. it is his job to make sure this is done. If you are providing this it is on their father's behalf.. so their father.. your SO owe you a debt of gratitude for helping to provide his kids a place.
But.. beyond that issue.. his child has a symptom of what could be a serious problem.. it could be liver failure.. it could be dehydration.. it could be blood in her urine.. and the fact that he is ignoring it puts him in the category of Child NEGLECT.
As you have a child of your own.. I would be concerned that his neglect of his children in your home will reflect on your ability to not have your own child taken by CPS.
Honestly.. I would have zero respect for a father that was ignoring a potentially serious medical condition in their child..
Please
Please do not jump to my kids I will protect them at any cost and if that means not being there for him or his others than so be it. But you said " I will fix this for you" and then kinda rude comments. that I don't need. the point of this site is to help with kind advice right? If not then I came to the wrong site. Get this straight I'm fully capable if making the right decision however many people up and leave at the few wrong signs verses doing whatever one else said and speak. True and clear. Which is what I have done.
Never would I allow my kids to get taken but thanks for your concern and I have taken other people's advice and done what is right for all children in this matter.