God is Great...Beer is Good....and People are Crazy...
WARNING: PETTY VENT 
BM called DH yesterday for "directions". She called on DH's cell phone so unfortunately I could hear her loud and clear because DH's cell is turned up to a pratically speaker phone volume. She wanted to know how to get to the Highway to drive to her own father's house.
DH: "Never been there before or what?" (Jokingly)
BM: "I know...but YOU always drove"
DH: "Get on the Highway... and drive east for about 10 hours"
I could feel my annoyance rising. There's two highways that run thru where we live, an Interstate that goes north and south and a highway that runs east and west. She's lived here for 15 years...come on. Not only that who goes on a road trip without an atlas or maybe flip your computer on and MapQuest the directions. I know she's computer literate because her last three boyfriends, she met on the internet.
BM: "I guess I was having a blonde moment...he he he...anyways, I have to tell you what happened..."
That was my cue to get up from the couch. DH grabbed my arm and looked pleadingly at me, "I'm sorry" written all over his face. I simply kissed him on the forehead and went downstairs. I crawled into bed and opened up my book and began reading of a glorious love story that involved no ex-wives and certainly no borderline behavior. Sure, there were vampires, murder and revenge....but anything has to be better than this, right?
DH yapped upstairs for a bit and all I caught was when his voice escalated and I heard "WHY DID YOU EVEN GO OVER THERE?!?"
I guess BM and her new boyfriend decided to take a little trip over to the ex boyfriend's house and the two boys got in a brawl. (I betcha she was loving that, two men fighting for her honor) I'd love to sit here and tell you all the details to what lead up to this occurence, but who really gives a rat's arse? I know I don't.
Me: "Where were the girls?"
DH: "At Grandma's [BM's mom]"
Me: "I thought she wasn't going to date while the girls were with her..."
DH: "I know, but she did say that she told this new guy that she was going to wait before she introduced him"
Me: "Well, that's good"
DH: "She also told me that she wanted MY permission first." {Cue ColoradoGirl :sick:}
Me: "Do you think that is really your place?"
DH: "Probably not. She'd never hold to it anyways... It's just nice to hear."
This is where I lost it a little bit. I'll sum up my little rant...
Me: "She's so full of sh*t, DH. Who even knows what really happened. I mean who does that? Who dates a girl for two weeks and goes over to the ex boyfriends house and gets in a fist fight? They're 40 years old, not 17. What a gem this guy must be. If it were me, I'd never give permission...regardless, you're out of your mind to even think she's for one second actually considering your opinion on the matter."
DH agreed... and I felt bad. I know he's worried only about the three sets of little eyes that are going to be disappointed once she moves the new boyfriend in, like she always has. She always makes big promises and promotes how important the girls are to her and then she does the complete opposite. This boyfriend will soon be her numer one priority and it'll break everyone's heart.
She's not dashing my dreams, I wouldn't expect anything less out of her.
I know I didn't handle this right. I just don't know how to take my emotions out of it and be my husband's confidant while still allowing him to do whatever he thinks he needs to do.
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Comments
My heart goes out to you
I don't deal with a BPD BM, just a selfish one.
I don't understand why you feel like you need to support your hubby and be his confidante when it comes to the BM and her personal life, though. He's not her father, obviously she has one if she needs directions to get to his place. Why didn't she just call her father for directions? Why wouldn't she call her new BF, or her sister, so on?
Sometimes it is hard to take emotions out of it. In the beginning of my relationship, I tried really hard to keep emotion out of our discussions about BM, but it is IMPOSSIBLE. BF would bitch about CS, or how little she does for the kids, and how it all falls on him and I to pick up her slack. After a while, I completely lost it. Told him if he was going to continue suffering from cryptorchidsm, then he can do it by himself. Unless he was willing to take action, and stop letting her behavior or lack of action govern OUR LIVES, I didn't want to hear it anymore. Now, when discussions start to get me angry, we both back off and agree that we will not let the petty shit ruin our relationship.
I would just tell him that unless it concerns the kids, she should not be calling. And if she does, and goes off tangent, just hang up. I know, once again, have never dealt with BPD, and he probably prefers this new personality to her freakish reckless one, and wants to nurture it along.
I just feel the need to disassociate sometimes...
I just get so frustrated hearing about her ALL the time.
DH gets sucked back into the drama because of the girls. He's used to it. I just don't understand how she has NO shame in telling him all the stupid stuff she does.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Whiskey's better than beer
and second wives are better than first!
I think you handled it fine. You walked away to give him some space. I try to do that but it's HARD!
So you had a little blow-up. He married a woman, not a robot!
:)
I heard a good one the other day
Wine is Fine
Liquor is Quicker
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Wait, so new bf got in a
Wait, so new bf got in a fight with trainer bf? Who won?
To every thing there is a season.
No the one before.
The BF before the trainer.
The new BF won. Although, thats not saying much. I think I could've taken the guy. He weighs all of 140 lbs. (I saw the info on the restraining order I used to carry around in my car.)
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Ok, I know I shouldn't
Ok, I know I shouldn't laugh. Restraining order? How does BM even have the ability to have a male around the girls? Seriously?
To every thing there is a season.
Lovely isn't it?
I can totally relate to this story. BM will go on and on about how important the girls are and how she does everything for them and "never" brings them around the men in her life. Then she moves in with one BF (tells us they are married b/c it's against the custody order to live with someone), he's gone 6 months later, then she up and marries some guy the kids have never even met really. Now another 6 months later, they are separated. But DH and I are the bad ones. She even went so far as to tell the kids in the beginning when we got engaged "don't get too used to ToTheEdge, she'll be gone in a few months." YSD told me that a few years ago. Ha! 3 years later and we are happier than ever to be with each other.
Hang in there CG, you are not alone. *hugs*
I don't see that you did anything wrong.
You are a wonderful wife for handling it as well as you did.
Hugs to you! You are an inspiration to me.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
Big hugs to you...
You are an inspiration to me as well, shell.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley