Update to BM in my living room
I read most of the comments to my blog. Thank you to everyone for the good advice. I just want to say that I was livid when I walked in and saw her sitting there. I turned to DH, pointed at BM and told him in no uncertain terms to get that out of my house. Then I went in my room to change. She was gone when I came back out. Of course, SD9 was crying b/c DH made her leave and because he was lecturing SD9 about opening the door and letting people in without our permission.
After discussing it for a while, we agreed to let BM see SD9. However, we did not let her take SD9 to her hotel. DH told BM that she didn't follow the C/O that she was going to have to deal with only have limited visitation this week. He let her take SD9 to the park across the street for a couple of hours and to dinner. He is also going to meet BM later today so she can spend some time with SD9. He isn't letting BM actually take her b/c he is afraid she wouldn't bring her back when she is supposed too. He told BM that she can visit with SD9 until MIL gets into town.
SD9 seems to think this is fair. I think she was just excited to get to see BM at all. I just want to get through the next few days with as little interaction with BM as possible.
And on a side note, DH did tell BM if she ever entered our house uninvited again that he would call the police.
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Comments
Echo, this child had not seen
Echo, this child had not seen her mother in a month. If you read OP's blogs, you would know how affected this child has been. I take my hat off to them.
i'm sure u're right, luv. i
i'm sure u're right, luv. i still personally would have done just what OP did.
dammit i'm getting soft!!!!!
You and me both Tuff
You and me both Tuff
She hadn't seen her mom in 3
She hadn't seen her mom in 3 months to be precise. And, I didn't have anything to do with it. I let DH make the decision. I agree that this is going to cause problems, but I understand why he did it.
My skids haven't seen their
My skids haven't seen their BM in over 4 years. IF she bothered to show her face without following the proper channels as laid out in the CO, there would be NO WAY we would let the skids see her.
I am with Echo on this one
that's cuz u and echo are
that's cuz u and echo are total hard-asses (said of course with the utmost affection!!!)
Nope - it's just that Echo
Nope - it's just that Echo and I have more than our fair share of crazy ass BMs taking advantage and trying to live outside the court order.
Orders are just that - they are not options.
WOB - CO's are wasted ink and
WOB - CO's are wasted ink and paper in my country. They are unenforceable and onerous as well as expensive to come by.
but she's not in your
but she's not in your country.
Sadly, while it might be nice that SD got to see her mom, all OP's husband did was show BM that she can come into the house and see SD any old time she wants.
lol "more than our fair share
lol "more than our fair share of crazy ass BMs" - that's certainly an understatement!
OP knows there will be further problems resulting from this. for better or worse, it was her dh's decision to make. all she can do is hope this bm doesnt develop into another medusa.
i really wish these slack-ass "mothers" would just *poof* into thin air. it's amazing how much of a presence they still exert even when they're completely absent.
Good job. You're not the
Good job. You're not the villain in sd's eyes and bm has been put on notice.
I bet, legally, the 9 y.o.
I bet, legally, the 9 y.o. wouldn't have the right to invite anyone into a house since she is not the owner.
I talked to my BS10 who was
I talked to my BS10 who was also up when this happened. He said that BM kinda pushed her way in, but to be honest, I think SD9 would have let her in anyways. DH gave SD9 a lecture about opening the door. They kids know to NEVER open the door when we are sleeping or in the shower, etc. She has never done it before. I think she saw BM through the peephole or out the window and opened the door without any hesitation.
I completely understand what
I completely understand what you are saying. I think that we may have problems in the future. The only thing I see stopping BM from popping up alot is that she and her mom cannot possibly afford it. Plus, she has 5 other kids, one of which is handicapped so I don't think she is just free to travel here.
But, DH told SD9 that this is a one time thing, that her mom violated the court order. He told her that he is only letting her visit with BM b/c he understands how much she misses her and how hard it has been for her. His lawyer has been notified and he is going to send a certified letter to both BM and GBM and to the judge about this.
DH's lawyer was just as upset as we are. He wants to go back to the court and ask the judge to put in writing that all meetings are at 3rd party location. This is actually grounds to reduce BM's visitation, as she was warned by the judge that any more games would result in visitation being reduced. According to DH's lawyer, she put DH in a very difficult situation and it could result in damaging his relationship with SD9. BM has been warned before that the judge will not tolerate her poisoning the kids.
DH is seriously considering, asking that she be allowed one specified week a quarter so she cannot just show up. His lawyer thinks we should use that and BM's limited contact to ask that her visitation be cut. I know that this would be harsh, but I think it might stop her from playing games that keep hurting SD9.
I agree with your
I agree with your lawyer.
Curious as to what lawyer said when DH told him he was letting BM see SD???