We took him to be assessed by the useless and very over-populated specialist in our area. The only one in all of two areas - Kent and Essex. That is the US equivalent of counties but really really big ones. They have too many people to deal with so you wait over a year for an appointment just to be told there's nothing wrong because they don't have the capacity to deal with things properly. The joys of an overpopulated NHS in England.

They determined that SS13 has SLI - Selective Language Impairment. Which yes he does - he talks like he has a handful of marbles in his mouth and you can't understand what he's saying, even when he manages to finally get all the words out.

But there is so so so so much more wrong with him. We feel that he is on the autistic spectrum. High functioning, as in Aspergers or something similar. I'm not even sure if it's high functioning anymore though. The more puberty hits him, the worse he seems to get.

He has no common sense. Therefore, he cannot moderate anything for himself or do the things that should come natural to the average person. So it's like watching a 5 year old in a 13 year old's body. You have to tell him to eat, drink, change, wash, brush, shower, use shampoo and soap when showering (every time), pee, poo. Everything. You have to watch him so he doesn't put things in his mouth or chew on stuff. He's forever chewing on anything that will fit in his mouth. He just ruined another sport's bottle from chewing on the lid.

But he doesn't have the good sense to tell us the water bottle leaks. So he's been taking it to school and only filling it with water - that he probably doesn't even get to drink by lunch time. I discovered this morning this little problem when I went to take his lunch to school because he forgot it. I picked up the bag and it was soaked. Gawd knows how long this has been going on.

You have to remind him not to talk to strangers, how to tie his shoes or the garbage bag, do his laundry, pick up his room, don't chew on your shirt, check that his shoes aren't too small, check his underwear isn't too small, check that he's not just eating junk food. Check that he's not just drinking coke.

On and on and on and on. That is why I disengaged. Because I was driving myself crazy trying to teach SS13 how to be more of a functioning human and DH just wants him "to be happy." So now I watch my most kindest, sweet, intelligent, loving, gentle giant of a DH struggle to parent instead of pity. It's maddening.

Sally if were my child, I would've locked up that xbox ages ago until he started passing all subjects in school and decided to be a human instead of a zombie.

It's amazing when he is actually grounded from xbox, he remembers to do everything. When he's allowed to play on it 24/7, he "forgets" to do anything. Forgets my arse!

Ohhhh I have had fantasies of smashing that bleeding xbox with a hammer until it shatters into a million pieces. Believe me! However, that would only make me the bad guy and DH would run to buy another. Me trying to fix everything only made me the nag, the arsehole, the b*tch, the evil stepmother.

So I explained to DH that I am going to have to step back and let him take care of his son how he sees fit. When SS first came to live here, you asked me to help you parent...and that's what I know how to do. Parent. I can be a leader, teacher, guidance counselor, homework helper, confidant and rules enforcer. What I cannot and do not know how to do is be a pitying coddling babying enabler.

I told him that he is asking me to do something I do not know how to do and do not believe in. Spoiling and babying and enabling a child to be helpless is only going to screw them up more and I don't believe in it. So I'm not going to be involved in "parenting". DH agreed but I don't think he fully understood.

Slowly now, because I'm letting the natural consequences play out, he's starting to understand. He's starting to see that letting SS "do what makes him happy" is turning him into a grouchy, smelly, disgusting, attitude-filled, helpless little butthole.

And that's just how it has to be. When I was making sure things were getting done as they were supposed to, all DH could see is that things were getting done. It didn't matter that I was tying myself into knots and losing my mind. The end result is things were done so, hey, nothing needs to change.

It boggles my mind, as it does yours, as to why men are like this. Strong, intelligent, loving, awesome men turn into brainless morons when it comes to their children. It's so infuriating.

SS13 is on both a gentle laxative and some clear goop to keep everything down there hydrated. There was one doctor he has seen that determined that he cannot feel when he needs to go, as you described.

But like with everything, if you don't remind him to go, he won't go. So in the name of my DH letting SS13 "do what makes him happy", SS will gladly hold it in. He must have sphincter muscles like Hercules.

I understand he cannot feel it. What gets me is the lying about it and sitting in it. He's not numb on the OUTSIDE of his butt!