New to site and would value advice
Hi there
I live with my Partner and our 3 year old daughter. My BF has 3 children from a previous relationship and when our daughter was just 3 months my BF moved his oldest son, who is now 20, in with us without notice. The issue is, we have never got on. After a year of him staying during weekends before our daughter came along, my SS never liked being asked to help out. I asked once for him to help wash up and i got a death stare. Move forward to him moving in with us 3 years ago, he is still the same. It causes so many arguments. He wont lift a finger to go anything and has been unemployed for 6 months and been none stop gaming. I work fulltime, pay half of the rent and bills and have no say without it causing massive arguments with my OH. He wont back me up on anything.
Can anyone advise on how to move forward. I have asked that he has 6 months max with us, after that, we need to downgrade size of house so we can save to buy (we are in late 40s, so this will be hard). How can i help this happen without it causing us to split up.
A little background. SS is 20, he was thrown out of his mothers house when he was 15, lived with his gran near his school (we live 90 mins away from there) so he could finish his GCSEs he then moved in with us.
Thanks for listening
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Comments
At 20 there is no excuse on
At 20 there is no excuse on why he isn't working. There is also no excuse on why he isn't doing: The cooking, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, taking care of laundry if he ISN'T working. He should be the equivalent of your live in house keeper if he isn't doing anything else.
6 months is more than enough time for him to get himself a job and his own place. I would tell BF that you are done with the nonsense. He is a grown man living off of daddy and that is unacceptable. I would even go as far as offering to pay his deposit where ever he is going to move and even some cheap/ pre owned furniture to help make the transition happen.
If your BF doesn't agree, then you move out. Why are you killing yourself for someone who doesn't respect you or have basic expectations for his grown man-child?
I would ask OH flat out, at
I would ask OH flat out, at what age will he feel his son is old enough to adult. That you would like to know the answer, because you plan on having a life at some point. If he is going to be okay with having his 30- 40 year old son living with him, you are going to start planning for your future without him and he can spend his golden years with his manchild.
Welcome to the site!
I wouldn't worry about the possibility of raising this issue with your partner causing you to split up. I'd put it to him bluntly that the adult freeloader cuckoo in the nest needs to leave. If it were me, the way he responds to this would determine whether I still wanted a relationship with him.
My marriage would not survive
My marriage would not survive my husband moving his adult son in without my consent.
Major disrespect and red
Major disrespect and red flags here. Why are you paying 1/2 the bills when there are 3 able bodied adults in the home? I'd immediately start paying 1/3. If SO wants to support his manchild in doing nothing he can pick up the slack in bills, chores, etc.
Thank you for your responses.
Thank you for your responses. I think I am going to be steely quiet for a month. See if my stopping moaning puts OH into action. If not, by then the world would have settled dwon a little hopefully and will have more confidence on what to do next