So one of my super-good friends lives with her partner and his 16 yo son (or is he 17 now...?).

She's been very, very circumspect about her interactions with essentially her SS (his mom is out of the picture for a long time) and her partner. Lately though, she's been opening up a bit with my discussions about SDs and DP's reticence.

Turns out her partner has guilty parent syndrome, SS grew up with lots of grandparent time, lax rules, no chores, nothing. He's very smart too, look older than his age. Apparently her SS has been very defiant with her and her partner, dropped out of HS, but enrolled in an advance program in community college (which he actually likes), does what he wants. But gets food, a bed, and a home - he wants no rules, no chores, no curfew, no responsibility...we ALL know the routine, right!?

So apparently her SS ran away this Saturday. Told his dad and her he didn't want to have rules, chores, a curfew, expectations, anything. So he's with a "friend."
Now, my friend and her partner and two of the nicest most giving people.
However, I can see that my friend is about DONE with the kid. I could feel it in her text to me!

So I tell DP roughly what happened, why the kid left.
DP says, "Well, obviously there was something else wrong."
Me, "What?!"
DP, "There had to be something else going on at home."
Me, "Sometimes kids just don't want rules DP."
DP, "...maybe, but..."
Me, "Sometimes it IS the KIDS fault."
DP, "Well...."
Me, "Ok, I'll give you one thing, there was a problem. He never had rules or responsibility from a young age, always did what he wanted. There's the problem."
DP, "uhhhhh...."

OMG. He is totally automatically defending this kid, who he has met maybe 2x for five minutes. I have known my friend since we were babies, and her partner since they met. NO this is the KID an a classic COD with no rules from a young age. This IS what happens.