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I am really beginning to think that there’s something wrong with SS27

cpreston's picture

DH and SS27 went to a concert together Tuesday night

While hanging out before the concert, SS27 starts getting all “blue” saying stuff like
“ I wish I remember when we used to …” (talking about things they did as a family when his brother was still alive and when DH and his Ex were still married)

DH’s oldest son was 16 when he died… that was fourteen years ago… SS was 13 years old and he claims to have practically no memories of when his brother was alive

He says this all the time, but he still harps on how hard it is to have lost his brother

I’m not trying to sound harsh… I’m really not. I understand that we all mourn in our way….but it’s like he purposefully dwells on this and the “good ol’ days” of when DH and his ex were still married.

I met my DH two years after he lost his son. I saw what he was going through THEN and how far he’s come today. I get that it was a struggle to get to this point… but it’s like SS is always looking to pull DH down into some dark area when it comes to his dead brother.
And he talks about those “good ol’ days” as if they really were GOOD!
Um, no they weren’t! I’ve heard the horror stories…

Then he goes on to get accusatory and argumentative with DH about “you don’t tell me you love me enough, you never did”
What?

DH finally had enough and told him to grow the eff up… you’re 27, you live at home, you don’t’ pay rent, you have a kid that WE are supporting and you don’t take responsibility for yourself… you try to blame all of your “issues” on losing your brother and our divorce…you don’t apologize when you do or say something wrong, you don’t thank me or “cpreston” for anything that we do for you, your girlfriend or the baby… get over yourself and GROW UP!!!

SS is still not talking to DH or me, or my kid… which to be honest, I really could care less about… but seriously… there’s something not right going on in his head!

Comments

cpreston's picture

My husband has always bought into this whole illusion that SS somehow had it harder than SD did after the split and the loss... he coddled him and never forced the issue to MAKE SS independent

It is SS’s nature to be lazy, and to take, take, take as long as anyone is giving, he’s taking

The minute DH ever tried to push him to any kind of independence, he’d start with this whole “I can’t deal” thing and has even gone so far as to threaten to take a bottle of pills so that we “don’t have to worry about him anymore” … knowing full well what that would do to my DH…

LizzieA's picture

I'd get him the drink of water...seriously emotional blackmail 101. Get the book, show your DH.

stepmisery's picture

He might be afraid to grow up. So he pulls the dead brother card because who is going to give him a hard time about that?

He might also feel guilty for suriving when his brother didn't. That needs to be addressed if it's the case.

You and DH need to sit down and make a plan of when SS and his little family are going to move out. I mean, your husband is taking him to concerts? Sorry but IMO that should not be happening, it makes me wonder if your DH actually prefers SS to be immature and to need Dad.

cpreston's picture

I agree!
DH got tickets for the band for two nights in a row… not thinking ahead of time about how I can’t really just take off of work like he can… so the original plan was me and him would go to the concert the first night, and then me, him and biokid would go to the concert the second night

I have had to take time off work because of my Mom’s facelift (urgh) and so I couldn’t take the extra day off or even a half day to go to the concert on both days… so he took SS the first night and the three of us went the second night

I suggested that he take biokid to both nights, but she’s only 13… and we don’t get home till like midnight and she’s got camp… so it wasn’t such a great suggestion!

cpreston's picture

He’s totally afraid to grow up, but guess what? he made that decision when he “decided” to have a baby with his “booty call” girlfriend

The ‘new’ stress is because DH FINALLY (halelujia) heard me loud and clear… and gave them exactly one year… (that’s when the g/f will get her degree if all goes well) and told him that they MUST pay rent during that year.. no rent… no place to live.. go to your mother’s, she can go to her mother’s we’re not doing this anymore