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Curfew issues

Cutter's picture

Submitted by Cutter on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 1:11pm

After discussing the lack of curfew SO has with his kids I declined to "hang" at his house for the weekend since my kid would be bored since he has a curfew. I told SO he is more then welcome to "hang" at my house. He did but it was tv and games with ds and no alone time. SO decided that a curfew meant alone time for us and he jumped on board. Well, his dd is pushing back and not liking her curfew. I think 10 is fair and that is the time he is enforcing. His kids spent the last 2 weeks mentioning they want to spend Halloween just us, meaning bs and I aren't invited, and asking SO if it can just be them like it "used" to be. I told SO they don't get a say when him and I get together and this, like it used to be, is a tactic they are using to keep us apart because they don't like the rules that we are setting. I told him they run all over him and he allows it, he needs to set some rules and quit being a Disney dad. SO told them last night that yes, bs and I will be over tonight and they have a 8:30 curfew since they have school tomorrow. I'm really proud of him for stepping up. We're going to dress up to pass out candy as Pennywise. He is going to pass out candy dressed normal and have a red balloon behind him and I will be peeking around the corner dressed as Pennywise. I'm so excited!!

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 2:59pm

Jack of curfew SO has with his kids I declined to "hang" at his house for the weekend since my kid would be bored since he has a curfew.
++++++++++++++++++++
Huh? That makes no sense.

Just curious…why do you care if his kids have a curfew?

And you can’t be surprised that they want alone time with their dad. Especially from a GF of Dads who is coming in and manipulating their dad to do what SHE wants.

Good luck, but I think this will all end bad for you in a year or so. His kids will revolt and he will choose them if he is worth anything.

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 4:11pm

You can’t really demand that someone you are dating give his kids curfew. It’s not really your business. I’d laugh at that. It’s normal for kids wanting to spend time with just their parent. It’s not like you are stepmother living in the same household and they ask for you to go elsewhere etc He is dating you. When people are dating, their date doesn’t need to be there 24/7 and certainly can’t dictate how he runs his household.

If my now DH told me (whrn datung) to give my DD curfew and was pissed that i spend holiday with just DD, I’d run and sure would never marry him. You need to back off. It’s ok for you to hang out with your son without SO and his kids. It’s healthy

Ps why are you setting rules in someone else’s house?

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 4:18pm

Yep.. I agree with this. Just because he hasn't used curfews with his kids doesn't mean that is a problem or that he is a disney dad. If they don't abuse the privilege to make reasonable decisions.. then he doesn't have a problem with his kids. You have apparently have different ideas on what you will allow your son to do... based on your own son's maturity level and your own worries. Don't make your problems his children's problem.

His kids aren't going to be fooled. They will know it's YOU changing the rules and they are going to resent the heck out of you for it.. oh and also resent your son. Might as well break it off now and save everyone the grief.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 4:16pm

So you withheld ass in order to manipulate him into treating his well behaved, polite, respectful...kids the way you think they should be treated.

You better hang on tight because those kids are going to give you and your son pure hell. Your son doesn't deserve it, but you sure as heck do.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 5:31pm

An 8:30 curfew for a 16 year old on a school night seems early, especially on Halloween. It even seems early for younger teenagers on Halloween. Since the time change is a week later than it used to be, and it gets dark later, trick or treating in our area doesn't really get started until around 7 or so.

If I'm understanding correctly, you don't want to "hang" at his place with your son since his kids will not be home to entertain your son so you and BF can be alone. Why should they have to entertain your son - isn't he capable of entertaining himself? When his kids figure out part of the reason for the new curfew is because of your son - they may begin to resent your son. Since you don't want to allow them "alone" time with their father on special occasions, I'm sure they already resent you.

Back to the curfew - no way a 16 year old and a 12 year old should have the same curfew. My parents were far from "Disney parents" and I never had a curfew. I told them where I was going, who I was with and when I would be home. If I was late, I called - and this was before cell phones. Even without a curfew I managed to grow up to be a productive member of society.

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 10/31/2017 - 7:08pm

My DD never had a curfew because she wasn’t out and about type and all her friends were studious type, not into any nonsense. And she was home on weeknights. If any guy I dated insisted she has curfew because he is needy and clingy and can’t tolerate not being attached to my hip, I’d show him the door. It’s unhealthy

FrenchPeas's picture

Submitted by FrenchPeas on Wed, 11/01/2017 - 6:09am

Exactly!!! And I did just that. Showed nimrod the door.

This is all going to bite your bum OP

AshMar654's picture

Submitted by AshMar654 on Wed, 11/01/2017 - 7:12am

Word of advice from a person who became a skid at 16. My Stepdad did not love the curfew my mother set for me. Eventually he got it and understood I was a pretty good kid for a teenager. I went to school, had a job and didn't really do anything like drinking and drugs.

If my mom had caved to him oh hell yeah I would be pissed as hell. You seriously expect a 16 year old to be home by 8:30 on school night. You are delusional. I had a job that I worked at until 9:30 at night. I would go to friends houses and work on projects till that time too. I would just go hang out. Once I was 18 and I did not have to obey to the junior license rule anymore weekends was 2am. During the week was like 11 or so. My mom always said as long as I get up and go to school she does not care what time I went to bed she did want me home by like 11.

You need to stop demanding so much from this man and worry about your kid and yourself. I lay down rules for my SS9 but we all live together and he is still a kid. If I had a teenage skid I would worry more about my relationship with my SO as they are grown and can take care of them selves. You are going to make these kids mad and resent you. They will try to drive you and SO more and more apart. He will give into his kids.

Slow you role take your time and just enjoy the relationship. Also understand when dating a single dad, when there is no mom present, the kids will be his first priority until he puts a ring on your finger, and even then they still might be. He has had to be the mom and dad for years and his kids depend totally on him. My SS is younger and things have been easy for me. You really should just try to get along with them, not tell them what to do all the time and lay down all the rules.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Wed, 11/01/2017 - 7:31am

pretty much what just about everyone said - your manipulation to get him to do what you want is just going to bite you in the a$$. It doesn't sounds like these kids are stupid... it seems like they see exactly what's going on, and they want their dad back to the normal person he was before, not the spineless dolt changing his parenting in order to get a piece.