Very emotional today!!!
Well DH called me last night around 8 about SD16..
So DH showed SD the text and when he did she began to cry. She told him she didnt know what else to do and that she feels she doesnt have a place in our lives and dont belong anywhere and feels I am taking him away and she does not matter anymore, and etc....he explained to her what she did was wrong and thank god i didnt listen to her or she could of messed up a real good thing for him. He explained to her how he can love me and love her at the same time. Guess they talked for awhile, he punished her :jawdrop: yes for the first time in her life she has no cell phone and no computer unless for homework for 1 month. They talked for awhile and then the call to me came in...
When i answered and I heard SD's voice I almost wanted to hang up but i didnt...She then proceeded to say i am so sorry for the text I dont even know why I sent it except I feel I am loosing my dad to you and feel helpless, she then began to cry again and tell me how she wishes she could be normal but doesnt know what is wrong with her and doesnt understand why she doesnt have friends and no boys like her and all she has is her dad and he loves me. She told me she knows he loves her but I get in the way alot because he pays attention to me and she is willing to work on it but not sure how. I was not sure how to react to what i was listening to. I was not sure if this was fake because daddy is standing right there or if it was real. I told her I am not here to take her dad just to make a normal life for me my children her and her dad. We talked for awhile I cried with her and told her we can do this she just has to try a little harder if she is serious about it. She says she is but I have heard this shit before. it is so hard to believe her. Was she just saying the things she was because dad was there, is she serious, can this work? I really dont know anymore....Very emotional day. Then this morning DH calls me and says at 11pm SD woke him up because one of her two friends sent a text of goodbye she was going to kill herself. Like SD doesnt have enough issues lets add this. Guess kid got admitted and now were down to one friend....WTF people I mean is she the way she is because this was one of her friends, did this friend put shit in her head, I mean its ridiculous. Now SD is all upset, friend is in crazy house and under observation. Now DH and I have date night and she is to stay with MIL and now DH says I will have to see how she is when i get home from work if I can leave her.... I understand but am not happy...Its like we take one baby step forward and 10 steps back...
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yeah...exactly what i was
yeah...exactly what i was thinking... :?
i'd say family counseling when the time comes. to help everybody find a place where they can fit together appropriately.
Good question. And I hate to
Good question. And I hate to be even more of a downer but this IS very typical SD16 behavior. But daaaadddyyyy I have an iiiiissssuuueeee. Plleeease don't leeaaaavvve meee! And despite his progress, he is falling for it. She is in good hands with MIL, isn't she? He isn't leaving her alone for Pete's sake. You're not even a week in and there is already an excuse for him to ditch your date night to take care of her. That signals trouble and it will also signal to SD that he isn't serious.
So, keep in mind I'm biased.
So, keep in mind I'm biased.
Your SD16 sounds like mine. Spoiled, daddy's girl, needs to be center of attention. That's why she does what she does. The way you describe her reminds me of my SD16 so much. My only reaction to this given what I have gone through is that she won't change, but she was doing what she was supposed to in the moment by eliciting sympathy and positioning herself in the poor me victim status. "I don't know why I do this. I'm loosing my dad" SD16 said all this too, but she said it to her dad, not me. I wouldn't listen to her nonsense. "Dad you're moving on with life and I don't know where I fit in. I don't want to lose you, I love you. I just want to be a part of your life."
There was never anything he did that made this true for her except the CS's visitation schedule. Unfortunately, divorced children HAVE to deal with the fact that the is an existence at both houses that proceed when they aren't around. They aren't the center of everything. Neither house ceases because they go to the other house.
My SD is a jerk to people, that's why SHE doesn't have a boyfriend or keep friends. I imagine this is the same with yours. Their personality of being spoiled, bratty, and need for attention puts people off and always will.
Take this with a grain of salt, I'm really jaded.
As far as the suicide. That is really sad for that girl and I hope she recovers. Unfortunately, all I would see here is an opportunity for SD to yet again play poor me.
i agree with koorb... if dh
i agree with koorb...
if dh can got to work and sd can go to school she'll be fine with MIL. it's disturbing but her friend is still alive and getting the help she needs.
^^^^THIS^^^^^ If she is ok to
^^^^THIS^^^^^
If she is ok to go to school, then she is ok to be left with MIL for a few hours. The school is probably aware of the suicide threat, so they will have greif counselors available for the students to talk to.
I feel like she is trying to be genuine one minute, then the next, it needs to be all about her again. She doesn't know how to function when she isn't the center of attention. Right now, DH is making you the center of his world, and she is pissed.
Also, how did SD receive a text message from a friend, if DH took her cell away? I doubt he will let her see every text she will receive for the next month. That defeats the purpose of taking the phone away.
Mmmmm, good start, too soon
Mmmmm, good start, too soon to say a new leaf has been turned. Will she attend counselling - like a family type sessions or anything like that?
I think its too soon to just let them move back in - you need to stand your ground - its been good progress. But, giving the past and me being who I am, I would be a little guarded at this point. I mean, she said all the right things, now does she mean it? I wouldn't outright call her a liar but I would be careful and see if actions can prove the words.
One step at a time Daisy - it sure seems you guys are headed down the right path though, even if the path is a bit uphill and rocky at the time, its the right path.
Daisy I really really want to
Daisy I really really want to share you blog with DH, our situation's are so similiar, same age, same no friends or boyfriend issues, same dislike and distain for SM position...I really do wish I had the situtation the way you do right now to drive home the point to DH that this is not going to work, but financially I just cant do it that way right now. I would be mega skeptical too...i feel for ya, more then you can imagine
DH showed her the text from
DH showed her the text from his phone
Your original blog says SHE
Your original blog says SHE woke him at 11pm to tell him about the text. Now he saw it on HIS phone and showed her?
Please daisy ignore the
Please daisy ignore the critical questioning. We all know what you are saying here. Don't waste your time.
Oh, please don't understand.
Oh, please don't understand. I'm not trying to be argumentative or questioning her authenticity. I am just really trying to understand it because I smell a rat in the story dh is telling her! I get the very distinct feeling that SD is not being punished and that she is right back to making herself "vulnerable" so daddy needs to cancel date night. And he is falling for it. I am not convinced either of them has made one iota of genuine change. I think they're both hoping Daisy will accept that they're "trying" and let the dust settle so they can come home and continue to make her odd man out.
My mistake. I think it
My mistake.
I think it doesn't matter though. Its all a manipulation. The defense should be the same.
If he blows this date night
If he blows this date night off, it will never work. Everytike you will go to do something with him she'll have a tragedy. If hes too stupid to realize this its best to move on to someone with more than a single braincell
but my SD is far to stubborn
but my SD is far to stubborn to admit what she really feels, she would rather stomp around the house and try to treat me like Im a border in the home I own, I own I own.
DH and SD16 relationship is
DH and SD16 relationship is absolutely ridiculous on so many levels and I don't see it changing. SD says in her little "apology" that she doesn't have any friends or a boyfriend and she feels like Daisy is "stealing" her dad. No, he will ALWAYS be your DAD.. what he SHOULD NOT be is your substitute friend/boyfriend.
DH is just as guilty here of feeding into this nonsense. Does it make him feel special? Does it make him feel important? I mean really, he takes her phone away and then looks at her text messages and runs to share in the drama with SD like he's her little friend.
If you stay with him and continue to call him and SD on this stupid behavior, I can see the writing on the wall. It won't stop, they'll just learn how to hide it from you. Talk to the poster "Elizabeth" here.. the one with the 19 year old mini wife that DH sneeks around and gives ridiculous amounts of money and gifts to while shunning his other daughters with Elizabeth. This is where you will be.
I wouldn't buy into ANYTHING
I wouldn't buy into ANYTHING she says. My SO daughter did the same thing. Saying she was so sorry and she is going to do what God would do and say sorry and work on things. Make me PUKE.