SD "raped" yet again Update at bottom
This is the third time that SD has said that she has been raped. She lies so much it is really hard to tell if it is true or not. Each time she is raped, it is always inside BM's house. This is the second "rape" in around a year period. See previous blogs.
DH was at work this morning when he called me. He said he had to leave work to go to BM's house because SD age 17 was raped AGAIN. Dh called me again when he got to BM's house and talked to SD. I am not sure if BM knew about the "rape" or not until DH got there. SD had sent a text message to DH to inform him and she didn't want BM to know. BM was at home sleeping (small 3 bedroom home) when it happened. It happened sometimes last night according to SD. The police where called and arrived after he got there.
BM said SD was taking a bath when DH got there. He got there around 10:30 AM..
Since BM was sleeping and SD didn't want her to know, I am assuming the guy was invited over without BM's permission. The last time it happened, the boy was invited over when BM was out of town and SD was home by herself. Bm didn't give permission for the boy to be there.
SD told dh that the guy had choked her and that she had bruises on her neck. Dh did confirm bruises where on her neck. SD is refusing to give anyone the name of the guy who did it.
Thoughts that are going through my head right now:
1) If it was rape, the guy was very BOLD raping her with BM in another room in the house. BM's home is very small probably around 1000 Sq ft.
2) The last rape rumor spread ALL through her school. A lot of the kids called her out on lying about it. SD said she was bullied by kids there. SD was always a bully at school so I am not sure exactly if she was bullied or not. She refused to press charges against the guy. SD went to group home for the past year after that "rape". She has been back home for a few months now. Could it have been someone from this school getting "revenge" or Could this guy have heard all the rumors and knew she would be an easy target?
3) Could she be lying AGAIN? Could she have tried to choke herself? She has done that before. She was playing the choking again before she went into the group home and from the conversations she told DH, I believe she was doing it while she was there. Dh is in denial, he believes that she has never done it.
4) She did break the rules and she is trying to get sympathy so everyone will forget what she did and focus on feeling sorry for her. Yes, she has done that before as well.
SD was in a group home for lying, cruelty to animals (I am not sure what happened there, I just saw it listed on the paperwork from the group home), stealing from her mom's credit card, physically abusive to herself and other family members, mentally abusive to her family members, and drugs and alcohol use. She has been diagnosed with Bipolar and another mood disorder (I can't remember the name of it). Dh is in denial of everything. He believes that SD lies but don't all teenagers do that mentality.
SD doesn't come to my house anymore due to her lies and false accusations. Even though she doesn't live or visit here, her drama just overfloods my home sometimes. Most days are really good because I can enjoy peace and quite.
UPDATE: Dh is back home. He took SD to work. She doesn't want to press charges and she refused the rape kit test. She has some bruses on her neck and boobs. DH showed me a picture of her neck. In MY opinion, it looks like hickies. I am not an expert by no means. I didn't say anything the DH about my opinion.
SD stated that she invited this boy over and he crawled in through her bedroom window. Sounds exactly like the LAST time she called rape. She invited that guy over then too. DH says that SD is upset because she is upset because she thinks she is going to get in trouble for letting the guy come over. He told to SD, the police talked to SD and BM talked to SD. No one could convince her to press charges.
DH blames BM. I told DH that maybe he needs to talk to SD about the kind of guys she is seeing and not inviting guys over to the house. It is his responsibilty as much as it is BM's. I didn't say anything else I just let DH tell me everything that happened.
DH is getting so upset and stressed out that he has started having chest pains. I may have to take him to the hospital tonight. It is more than likely anxiety. He has had chest pains in the past but we don't play around with those.
If she really told this guy NO and the last guy NO, why in the h@ll does she keep inviting these guys over? I am disengaging from this going forward.
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Comments
She sounds like the kind of
She sounds like the kind of girl my SS would date.
Regardless of how horrible
Regardless of how horrible she may be, if she said no and he continued, it was rape.
Yes, IF she said no I agree it is rape
She has lied in the past about being raped. It is just hard to determine now if she is lying again or is she telling the truth.
It just reminds me of the little boy who called "wolf".
I just have a lot of things going on in my mind and was just explaining why I was thinking what I am thinking.
"He believes that all
"He believes that all teenagers lie"
Well yes, everyone lies at times, but not everyone tells huge lies for attention that have the potential to ruin other people's lives. "He raped me" is a far cry from "yes I did my homework." That's called denial, DH.
Trust me...
DH just loves to bury his head in the sand when it comes to SD.
You know, I am trying to comprehend everything. It is a hard place to be in. Is she lying or was she raped this time?
DH sent a message to me saying that SD says the boy is now online telling everyone that he had sex with her but she will not show DH. Is she lying about that too? Did the guy have consensual sex with her and just bragging or Is the guy an idiot for posting about a rape?
Regardless if SD is lying or not, I hope and pray that she gets the help that she needs.
SD was taking a bath when he
SD was taking a bath when he got there. Had she already been to the hospital and had a rape kit done?
Anyone tell the police that the guy is bragging online?
Did she go to the hospital?
Did she go to the hospital for a sexual assault forensic exam? Even though she took a bath, which probably washed away much of the forensic evidence, if she is at all serious about pressing charges this time she needs to go to the hospital for an exam. She would have been told by the dispatcher not to bathe before the police arrived.
SD refused
She went to the hosptial but she refused to take a rape kit and refused to press charges.
She took the bath before the police were called. BM didn't even know about the rape until DH got there. DH told BM about it.
SD invited the boy over and he crawled through her bedroom window.
OP, as you can read on my
OP, as you can read on my blog, my SS is in the middle of some crazy drama. He doesn't live here, so it's not my problem. DH and I just pop our metaphorical popcorn and enjoy the show. He asks questions and gets updates, and I just stay out of it.
Might be good for you to do the same, and honestly, DH as well. When SD texts him that she was raped and she doesn't want her mother to know, he should forward the text to BM and let her deal with it. She's in the home with her, and she's, I assume, the reason SD is such a hot mess (as is BM here the reason SS is such a hot mess).
Don't let it bother you. This stuff has a way of sorting itself out one way or the other, and if she won't name names, there's not much you can do, anyway. She's developing a personality disorder and this will likely be her lifestyle for many years to come.
True
I can disegage and sit back to watch the show. I can just shake it off as another episode of " Drama In the House".
DH would never do that. He is going to believe it every single time she calls "rape".
And this is why I love my DH.
And this is why I love my DH.
Read your update - your DH
Read your update - your DH needs to find a good therapist to speak to. He is getting sucked into his daughter's drama and it is affecting his health and his marriage. Him being codependent and overly involved in her issues will not help her.
You know this kid is sick
And DH is playing into the drama. Make sure he makes up the time he loses at his job playing this game. A
Yeah, I hate to say it but
Yeah, I hate to say it but this 'rape' story will continue. If she was already raped in the past then she should now better then to shower after a rape as evidence is needed. If she was called liar once you would think she'd want to prove it this time.
If she was diagnosed Bi-polar (do you know if 1 or 2?) then it is a mental illness-NOT a personality disorder. Not sure what the other diagnosis was.
Keep in mind if she is BIpolar then they can have episodes of delusion, psychosis, paranoia, etc- where in her head should could truly believe what happened to her. Is she in treatment, therapy and/or meds?
I would suggest having your DH look into NAMI support groups for both himself and for SD and the BM should go as well.
We are dealing with tons right now with my oldest son who has been on a downward spiral of destruction for quite some time now. Sadly about 10 days ago I had to have the police take him to the ER and then onto a mental health hospital for 5 days involuntary hold (his 1st). He had delusions that we are trying to kill him, his cigarettes and weed were spiked (weed induced psychosis)- I can't even TELL you how much this has destoyed my soul. But they really believe these things. He was also diagnosed Bipolar 1 with Mania. He's now at my moms because I can't have him here-his dad has never wanted to help with him. I'm afraid for his life, literally.
Yes
She is taking meds and she is always in counseling. She also has Oppositional defiant disorder. It took me awhile to find that information.
After today, I really think it is because of the bipolar.
DH doesn't believe that she is bipolar, he is in so much denial with her.
When SD was here on her visit, she called Social services and told them I tried to poison her. She has been committed multiple times to the Psych unit. She has been in contact with child molesters online multiple times. She just doesn't seemed to have concerns what so ever about any of these dangers.