O/T- How do you deal with bullying with your kids or Skids
SD11 plays softball and has started a new team this year. She has had some issues with the coaches daughter telling her to do this or do that better. Today it was so bad that SD11 cried during their game.
So the coaches daughter is 12 years old and is 100+ lbs over weight. I am not saying anything about her weight in general but this girl does lack the ability to bend over and touch her toes or for the game sake she can't get her glove on the ground.
SD11 was playing catcher today and when throwing the ball back to the catcher the catcher didn't really 'go for ' the ball and it rolled past the pitcher. Now today was really hot and it's a tournament so the girls were on their second game and they were all getting tired. But the coaches daughter kept yelling at SD11 "Get the ball to the pitcher SD11" Then right after that she had the ball hit to her twice and she either didn't bend over and catch it, letting it roll right by her or fumbling the ball, both times missing the out. I kinda wanted to say "You play the f-ing game and worry about your self", one more comment and I was going to go off. SD11 was getting the ball where she needed to but the pitcher was the one missing it.
This was not the first time though, She often told SD11 to "swing level" "don't do this" " Do this" SD11 is not the only girl out there getting put down by this kid. She does it to many of the girls.
OK it's not like she is offering "good advice" to the girls because it's the way that she say's it. She is not being encouraging or helpful when she says it either.
SD11 was very hurt and upset by the whole thing and this time it just got to her bad because she knew she was not doing anything wrong. SO and I both tried to tell her she was doing good and nothing she could have done different. We went to church tonight and the service mentioned about other people critizing others because they are critics of themselves as well.
Here is what I am wondering, Do we say something to the coach? Do we let SD11 deal with her own doings, SD stated that she was wanting to go off on this girl and SO said, well if you do you do and we worry about that latter. Not sure if that is the best idea but she does need to learn to stick up for herself as she is the peacekeaper in life. She is the onlyone on her team who will offer to sit out an inning so she sits out two instead of other people. We tried to tell SD things like, it doesn't matter what she said, tell her "thank you" and walk away, tell her " your words are hurtful and please stop" "You through straight"
The inner bad person wants her to tell her " Well at least I can get my glove on the ground" Sorry that's really mean of me
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I would talk to the coach
I would talk to the coach about it. The fact that it is the coach's daughter that is tormenting your SD can be beneficial. Definitely encourage SD to politely tell the girl to stop and inform the girl that she is being hurtful by talking to her in that way. If that doesn't work, your SD should then approach the coach about it. But, I'd also arrange a time to sit down and talk to the coach - perhaps with the daughter - to iron it out.
It's funny that you're asking this because my SD experienced something similar at her day camp this week and that was the advice I gave her. One day, they were playing kickball and this one kid who is in a bunch of other classes with her was being super obnoxious to her about her lack of ability at the game.
SO thought the best tactic was to tell her that, since she's not good at sports, she should avoid playing high-action positions to avoid getting called out like that. Later, in private, I told him to shove a sock in it the next time he decides to give SD "advice" about being bullied in that manner. After he was done with his words of wis-dumb, I told SD that, if it happens again, she should ask the kid to stop, politely, and, if he doesn't, that she should go talk to one of the counselors about it because the camp has very clear rules about how the kids are supposed to treat one another (which really makes me wonder just WHY nobody told this kid to stuff it).
SO had good intentions, I
SO had good intentions, I think he was trying to tell her "in his own words" to stick up for yourself. SD11 is too nice and polite to ever go off on anyone and I think if she did, I wouldn't know what to do, if she did the other person most likely deserved it... LOL.
I'm certain of your SO's good
I'm certain of your SO's good intentions in telling your SD that if she goes off, oh well, you will all deal with it when that happens.
And I'm sure my SO had good intentions too, but, what my SO did was basically tell my SD that she was picked on during kickball because of the position she chose to play and, I personally see that as taking the responsibility away from the annoying kid that was picking on my SD.
The girl runs her mouth only
The girl runs her mouth only because her father is the coach. See anything familiar here?
Dad not stepping up to the parenting plate and making her be quiet. He is letting his daughter run roughshod over the other girls and he probably thinks it is a good thing. His daughter is quite the coach's assistant.
Hopefully a quick word with the coach will resolve the issue. Personally I'm on board with the "at least I can get my glove on the ground" comment lol. Petty. Sorry.
Funny you are asking this
Funny you are asking this because I just told a little piece of shit to stay away from my son. My son is autistic and I have to watch the other little aholes all the time.
If your daughter wants to stick up for herself, good for her and please ENCOURAGE that. If they don't, these little aholes that are raised by shitty parents will continue to abuse kids. Unfortunately, my son is autistic and still thinks this little ahole is his friend...yes, they WERE good friends, we were always nice to the little ahole, but tonight, since he had another friend, he kept telling his other friend when my son tried to say hi that he didn't know him, made fun of him, etc...
I really don't give a rats behind anymore if a parent dares something to me. My son has NEVER not once been mean to another kid. EVER. If the other kids are bullies, they obviously have shitty parents...and if my kid won't defend himself because he doesn't understand that they are being cruel, mean, making fun of him and even pushing him vs. playing with him, I will make sure the little aholes know. Dying for some crappy mother to say something to me so I can tell her what a crappy mother she is.
I am of the mindset that kids
I am of the mindset that kids need to learn how to stick up for themselves. At 11 there is nothing wrong with SD being firm and telling the kid to worry about herself and leave her alone. If the girl persists, thats when the mean remarks come. Sorry, but thats life. You dont want to be embarrassed, then keep your mouth shut and worry about you. Sd11 needs to learn assertiveness.
**Update** Today was another
**Update**
Today was another day of games and SD was sitting out the first inning and I went up to her and asked her quietly if she asked or volunteered to sit out? She said since she was not first in line to ask what she was playing she sat out... New rule? Something weird but whatever.
The coaches wife was there and must have heard me or suspected what I was talking about. After the game the coach and his wife asked to speak with me. I went up to them and they asked if I thought they were sitting SD11 out all the time, I told them no she had mentioned to me that they asked for volunteers to sit out and she often would ASK or volunteer to sit out. Well SD told me yesterday that she felt she HAD to because no one else was. The wife said she OFFERED/ASKED to sit out and she was not going to question her reasons because the weather was very hot and they were playing many games that day and she didn't want anyone getting sick and she didn't know if she was sick or tired or what. I said that's fine I understood that.
I also said, since we are here I wanted to bring up some other issues SD has mentioned to me in the last few days. I said that she mentioned to me that she felt she was being picked on by some of the girls and mentioned what happened not naming any names. They told me that the girls are trying to help her, ( I don't always agree with that, that's not what she was talking about) They also said something that I do not agree with. They said that SD said things to the girls like, Your not the boss of me.
SO, I, BM, her grandma and all of her family say that is NOT something that SD has ever said or would ever say. I didn't say anything to the coach. I simply said to them that SD is very shy and sensative and takes things the wrong way at times and that people are mad at her or don't like her when they say things like that. I said I tried to explaine to her that the girls may be trying to help you but not eveyone goes about it the best way or is not aware at how their words can hurt others too. I also said that SD does need to learn to grow a little tougher skin and we are working on that.
The coach said that she catches wrong. We are aware of how she holds her glove and how she catches. It's the same way I do it too. It's not the "proper" way of doing it but it works for her and when we tried to fix it she was unable to do it and ended dropping more balls that way. It's not a big deal it's just a small thing but they are kind of making it a big deal.
This is the best part though. The frist inning the coaches daughter sat out and from the bench continued to yell at the girls things they needed to "work on" / doing wrong. The coach was not paying attention but the assistant coach was in there and told her to nock it off. GO ASST COACH GO GO GO.
SD was in tears at the end of the game again but this time because WE were yelling at her to pay attention when her head band fell out of her hair she just stood there with it in one and and glove in the other and she was not able to play with one hand holding it. Then the wife of the coach said something to her. I she just felt like everyone was yelling at her and mad at her. She is just really sensative and does not do well when people yell/talk to her and she is doing something wrong. She is a people pleaser and doesn't like it when people are not pleased. That is something we are going to have to work on her with.
She loves softball and
She loves softball and basketball. She is a good team player and a good athelet as well. She has played for two years and is still learning. SO and I have talked and have decided that next year we are going to do our own team to allow for SD12 and SD11 to play together. he really wants to coach as well.